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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think people who can't drive but want to should learn?

91 replies

branflake81 · 23/01/2008 14:20

I've noticed that on a lot of threads people use the reason that they can't drive for not being able to go to place X or being hindered from doing Y. They phrase it more as I "don't" drive, implying they never will.

If an inability to drive causes such logistical problems as it seems to do in some people's threads - why don't they just learn?

Yes, it's expensive and a pain but if it will make life easier then surely that's the solution.

I saved up for 2 years to afford driving lessons - good job too as it took me 18 months and 7 tests to pass. Now I can drive I don't very often as I can walk to work, the shops etc but the point is I CAN IF I NEED TO.

I just think if I can do it (and driving really did not come naturally to me) there is no reason - besides medical - why other people can't learn if they want to.

OP posts:

leedslassy · 23/01/2008 14:23

I don't think it's as cut and dry as that. For many people it is a money thing - they are expensive - in our area 1 lesson is about £25.00 so having 1 lesson a week over a year is £1300.00 - a lot of money for some people.
I was lucky to learn to drive before the theory test came in and lessons were about £10.50 and I passed first time but for some people it takes much longer than 12 months and all the costs of tests etc build up.
If you have childen it can take a back seat to more important things that need money spending on them.

niceglasses · 23/01/2008 14:25

Yes, but I think you have to allow that they don't want to. Some pple are very scared - my older sister has never learnt - she is very low on confidence. My mum has passed her test but hasn't driven for yonks - poor old Dad ferries her around. I think it is a confidence issue too.

loopylou6 · 23/01/2008 14:26

yes yabu, i "dont" drive, one, because i cant afford it, two, because i am a very anxious person and probably would be a liability i think everyone has their own reasons and thats fair enough

Hulababy · 23/01/2008 14:32

Learning to drive is quite a large financial outlay, and then there is the cost of owning and running a car.

WigWamBam · 23/01/2008 14:33

I learned to drive many years ago and was actually a good driver, but I don't drive now because, through a combination of an unreliable car and health problems, I lost my nerve.

It's very nice for you, branflake, that you are confident enough to drive if you need to, but don't assume that everyone else shares that confidence - or even wants to share that confidence.

Walking's good for me and for my daughter, and we share nice times walking to school every day, or going places on the train. I'd love to get my nerve back and drive again, but I also know that it's not going to happen.

Mashanapedyjo · 23/01/2008 14:34

I didnt learn to drive until 2 years ago. I couldn't afford to and I knew even if I did I wouldnt be able to afford a car plus I would have had problems finding someone to regularly look after my dc for me.

But when my grandma died my dad and aunt decided I should have her car as i was the only person in the family who didnt have one. My dad gave my sister a lump sum from his inheritance and offered to pay for driving lessons for me. I was in a more stable relationship by then so my dp was able to look after the dc.

I hated learning and really didnt want to do it at times but because I knew what a great opportunity it was I forced myself and I'm now so glad I did, I dont know where we'd be if I still couldn't drive. but it wasnt as simple as 'just get on and do it'. If it hadnt been for the inheritance I still owuldnt be driving.

I also agree its a big confidence thing, and I think the longer you leave it the harder it is to do it.

tiredemma · 23/01/2008 14:34

well its very expensive. my lessons cost me £100 a month. some people on here just dont have that cash to spare. Then its @£30 for theory test, £25 for theory pack and then driving test £50? and who is to say that you would pass first time??

I often wish that I had never even bothered to learn, as I certainly wont be able to afford to run a car

wannaBe · 23/01/2008 14:35

I'd love to learn to drive.

Any volunteers?

readyfornum2 · 23/01/2008 14:45

I think thats an unfair comment really
I "dont" drive and now I have relocated it does stop me getting a better job but I just cant afford it
I started learning when I was 17 and was ready for my test, I relocated and planned to take my test once I had but due to money I never got round to it and now I still cant afford it.
My partner drives and we could manage with just one car between us but Im in a catch 22 because I cant afford to learn to drive without getting a better job but I cant get a better job in this area without driving!

Chequers · 23/01/2008 14:45

Message withdrawn

duchesse · 23/01/2008 14:47

I'm more ticked off by people, sometimes half of a couple with children, who don't drive for ethical reasons but are quite happy to be driven by someone else.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 23/01/2008 14:51

Well bully for you only taking 18 months Branflake! Taken me 15 years so far and still no sign of passing.

Why are you assuming it's harder for you than anyone else? I can assure you that compared with some of us, you have had it bloody easy.

myalias · 23/01/2008 14:53

Oh for god's sake why can't people just accept that not everybody wants to drive. It is personal choice not just lack of money, being lazy etc. I get so pissed off having to justify why I don't drive. My life is easy I can get to wherever I want to go without relying on anyone and live a fulfilled life.

littlelapin · 23/01/2008 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WigWamBam · 23/01/2008 14:55

Not sure you'll find many takers, Wannabe

Mercy · 23/01/2008 14:55

I can't tell left from right, or judge distances, or read maps etc.

That's why I gave up trying to learn.

SheikYerbouti · 23/01/2008 14:56

Judgety judge of jugdesville is in the house

wicky wicky

sweetkitty · 23/01/2008 14:56

I passed my test first time in 1999 but we moved to London shortly after and I lost my nerve and wouldn't drive at all but in London I never really needed to.

Two years ago we moved back to Scotland, I had 2 under 2 and double buggy + bus is not really practical, theres only half of the buses you can get on with a pram and they will only allow one maybe 2 on at a time and theres no way I could hvae folded a pram with a baby and an 18 month old toddler.

Out of sheer necessity I had to start driving again but it's not been easy I am so nervous and don't like going on long journeys. If it were just me (no DDs) I doubt I would drive it's too stressful for me.

For a lot of people they just don't have the confidence to drive (I know about 5 people like this) also as others have said theres the money involved.

littlelapin · 23/01/2008 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smurfgirl · 23/01/2008 14:58

I had to stop a while back because learning to drive was impacting my mental health, I have only been able to come back to it now a few years later and am hoping to take my test quite soon - is that an ok reason why I can't drive?

Maybe those people saying they can't drive do have very valid reasons but don't want to tell everyone.

littlelapin · 23/01/2008 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnquietDad · 23/01/2008 15:00

It's a bit like learning French in some ways. Either you are a natural linguist or you have to force yourself.

Unlike with learning French, you can't get a grade C and still pass.

There are only two grades at the driving test - A (the equivalent thereof) and Fail.

I have endless arguments about this with my brother who is a petrolhead and driving examiner and member of the IAM.

It's very odd that, in an age when most assessments (especially for vocational "practical" stuff like bricklaying and catering) have gone in the direction of continuous assessment and away from the one-shot exam, that the driving test is still dependent on a "performance" on the day. This can be completely unrepresentative of your competence as a driver - and I mean that either way.

It would be more work - but surely more sensible - to have your prowess as a driver continually assessed over 30 lessons over a year, say, and for the instructor to recommend people for passing or failing. These recommendations would of course be moderated and examiners would sit in on sessions.

Chequers · 23/01/2008 15:00

Message withdrawn

Original poster

branflake81 · 23/01/2008 15:01

I think you've misunderstood me.

If you can't afford it - fine

If you don't want to - fine

If you don't need to - fine

But if you need to drive but won't learn because you're too scared - not fine.

I am only saying this because i was in exactly the same position. I was TERRIFIED of learning to drive and it took me a long long time to get confident. BUT - I bit the bullet and did it. And now I have the CHOICE to drive if I want.

I used to use being scared as a reason not to drive, now I look back and see it was an excuse.

If you've never tried - how do you know?

OP posts:

Chequers · 23/01/2008 15:02

Message withdrawn

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