Be honest, would you look down on someone who has never dated?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

I need some perspective about my friends, I can’t tell myself because I’ve never had many friends.

So we’re all well into out 30’s, and yeah - totally inexperienced, I’ve made my peace with for the most part.

But my friends make this little jabs about it, I guess they always have, just to be clear I don’t bring up this part of my life (little embarrassed) and I get kind of mean comments here and there.

So, if you had a friend / person in your life who’s never dated etc. would you comment on it, or be mean about it.

I’m just asking because maybe I need to let them go…

YANBU = no I wouldn’t comment
YABU = yes ai would ”joke” about it, make comments

@AllAloneInThisHouse i agree ☺️ It’s important to respect one’s wishes. And they go very deep too, they talk about everything, they’re like brothers. So I absolutely know if it was something his friend wanted to discuss then he would. I have always felt any woman or man would be lucky to have him and he’d be a great father but it’s none of our business why this, so far, hasn’t happened. My feeling is he is perhaps a-sexual but again, none of my beeswax! He is godfather to our children and is like family ❤️

'my friend made a comment of not getting too keen, because I wouldn’t know what to do with a man.'

Yeah because what men really can't stand is the thought of sleeping with a virgin your friends sound shitty OP I'm sorry you keep living your best life just the way you like it.

You sound fine op - there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. Much better not wanting a relationship than having toxic, unhappy relationships or similar.

Your friends on the other hand. They sound rude and mean. I wouldn’t bother with friends who want to pick at me or try to embarrass me in front of others.

Fair enough OP, the whole point (of dating etc) is about falling in love (other posters may call me an old romantic). Some people just don't do that often or at all - thinking of a few of my friends for example.

I wouldn’t comment but I’d find it odd.

I wouldnt look down on them But I would find it odd

Unusual but not unpleasant fact. None of my business, pretty much would be end of my interest !!

I'm in my 40s and have only had 1 relationship (not married). I never had any desire to have children either. I wasn't against it but neither did I have some kind of biological clock. I'm definitely open to the idea of a new relationship but I'm also content without one. I've got lovely friends, a great home, nieces, nephews and enough money to live comfortably. I'm not afraid of my own company!

I don't think you're weird in the slightest. You're either content on your own (nothing wrong with that) or for whatever reason, haven't had the confidence/interest in pursuing relationships. If you are happy, then that's all that matters. Your friend sounds pretty snippy. I'd talk to her and tell how upsetting that is and if it continues, it's time to get a new friendship circle.

DH and I got together at 27, his brother has only ever dated one woman in his forties, my cousin married her first ever boyfriend at 48, and my DCs have barely dated at 19 and 23.

I think we must be a family on slow starters on both sides.

No I'd never judge, and I would never ask either. I have a really close friend who has never dated. She's extremely sociable (and would be in a great position to date) but I don't think she wants to.

No I wouldn’t look down on them or think they were odd. I might wonder if they were asexual but again, I wouldn’t find that weird. I certainly wouldn’t make nasty comments. Your friends are horrid.

''YellowTreeHouse ·
@hattie43 It’s nothing to do with expectation or societal pressure. It’s biological. It’s innate.''

Completely disagree.

The idea that in life you need to find a partner with the aim to be married, have kids and be monogamous is not ''innate'' or ''biological''.

It is very much a template that has been promoted by most religions and government because that' s neat and tidy way to keep people in their place and societies compliant.

If anything I think human beings are inherently selfish rather than made to work well as part of a group/a couple.

These days there are more people who admit that having kids and doing the couple thing is not for them.

And that is how it should be: people following their own path rather than thinking that there is only one way to be fulfilled and happy.

OP, many people choose not to date. Some just want casual sex without the need to have romantic connections, others have no interest in sex and coupledom.

There is not one template either of what a love life looks like: some people choose to date people of the same gender, others decide to have open relationships, some want sexless partnerships, others don't think that sex needs to involve penis in vagina and on and on it goes...humans are complex and everyone is different.

What I am trying to say is just be yourself and do what feels right to you.

The ''friends'' you describe are not your friends. They are enjoying putting you down and making fun of you. Ditch them and get yourself a new circle of friends who won't judge you and try to make you feel bad about who you are.

I went on many dates when I tried online dating. Most were incredibly boring and on the same level as job interviews! These days I am much happier enjoying life and doing a lot of hobbies and fun activities rather than putting so much of my energy in meeting yet another useless man...

I'd assume my friend was asexual... and that's it. In fact I'd see it as a positive because I'd know I'd never get blown off for the latest boyfriend.

Not at all, I have a few friends who haven’t. All lovely intelligent women, I would never ever make a comment about it, it has nothing to do with our friendship. Tbh they sound utterly horrible, I would never be so spiteful to a person I valued as a friend (or anyone for that matter).

Firstly, friends would never look down on another friend, that's not how friendship works.

What they actually said was quite hardcore awful and I'd say that people who say that kind of thing are not your friends OP.

If you were my friend I'd be interested in your not having dated because it's unusual and I like listening to other people whose experiences are different to mine talking about their lives. However, it's also potentially quite intrusive to question someone about their relationships so although I might ask you a question I would not pursue this subject with you if you didn't want to talk about it.

In my opinion, fhriendship is about respect, support, affection, pleasure in each other's company. It's not about one upmanship or shaming people.

Thanks for those who made nice comments.

I guess it’s time to try and make new friends.

I’ve been feeling very down lately everytime I see them.

Similar experiences here. Lots out there. OP your friends are immature

If you were my friend, I probably wouldn't know – unless you volunteered that information.

If you were my training partner, I'd know how much you could bench press and what sort of gym kit you like. If you were my choir friend, I'd know whether you were a soprano or a mezzo soprano and how well you could hit a top C (much better than I can, I imagine ). And other trivialities. But I wouldn't interrogate you about your private life.

And, if you did tell me ...... I'd think that you'd had a bloody lucky escape.

Don't go changing; you're doing absolutely fine 😘

Hugs @AllAloneInThisHouse
They are cruel at your expense. You live your life how YOU want to live it. It's nothing to do with anyone else. Plus there are a lot of divorced & widowed ladies who would love to have single friends and not jabbering on about husbands & kids, so I think you will be in great demand! None of my three youngest kids have dated yet, they are 21-27 yrs old. No reason why not, they just seem happy with their lives, which is what it's all about, isn't it? :-)

What nasty friends you have. Those comments weren't even remotely funny. Either shut them down or seek new friends.

To get back to your original question. It would depend on who.

A friend? - i wouldn't look down on them but I would think it was weird but not my business.
A propective girl/boyfriend? - it would matter if they had stayed at home and parents did everything . Thats a red flag.

• got own home, job, looked after themselves and were a fully functioning adult - would just assume they hadn't met anybody they liked yet.

Not surface level in any way shape or form. My friends are not people I've grown up with. I'd die for my training partner but ..... she's in her 60s and I don't know her dating history. But I know how much she can bench press .

Just the way I roll. If she needed a kidney, I'd give her one!

I've a friend I've known for a long time who I have only ever known to date two people. One would have been when we were about 15 and the other when we were maybe 18. Neither lasted more than a few weeks and were not serious. We're now in our 40s and I've never asked her about it or mentioned it either privately or in company, and she's never brought it up either. I'm sure she has her reasons but she seems happy which is all that matters - I don't get the impression she's interested in a relationship, so possibly a bit like yourself OP. None of my business anyway, and it's not like we don't find plenty to talk about.

Not all. But training is a major factor. A small number are from previous workplaces and some from singing, which I did reference. Why? Are you worried that I'm lonely? 🤷‍♀️