Husband left baby in pram at a street party

[MyKidsThrowFood]

A few weeks ago we had a street party on our street. We live in a family area but in a big city. It was pretty busy with all our neighbours and their kids, dogs etc there - some of whom we know, others we don’t. I left my 3 month old in pram with DH while I went to chat with some friends. At one point, I looked around and saw DH had left baby in the pram on the kerb while he was getting a drink some 4-5 meters away. He claimed he was watching the pram the whole time but, when I went over to check on baby, it didn’t seem like he immediately noticed me and, anyway, surely that’s not the point? What if a child had knocked the pram with a bike or something worse, and he was too far away to react? AIBU to be upset? Am I helicopter parenting or is he being too lax?

I can totally understand why you're upset about it. As it's been some weeks since the incident, is the problem that he still doesn't understand what the problem is? It's exhausting being a parent and doing mini risk assessment all day long, especially when you feel you're on your own with it as partner fails to see the potential dangers too.

Get several grips.

Yep. This.

OP, do you take the baby out and lug it across a petrol station forecourt when you get fuel?

Or do you leave baby in the car and quickly go in and pay? Genuine question.

We’ve had lots of street parties and cars can still drive down it. So no, it doesn’t require the street to be closed.

Most events are unlikely - fires, unlikely to happen. Robberies, unlikely to happen. Even car accidents - I’ve never been in one, so should I not bother with the seatbelt then?? Most of us are fine most of the time. But we are still careful, especially with completely defenceless beings like babies.

If a friend had left me in charge of her baby at a street party, or anywhere whilst she dealt with her other child, would I leave the baby like op’s husband did? Of course not.

And the biggest problem is that op won’t be able to trust her husband with the baby. She will either have to always take care of the kids in environments that are unsafe or be anxious. Just like my experience when my kids were little. And I wasn’t over protective. I didn’t have a problem leaving them with my mum or other responsible adults, just not my ex (he was fine with them in the house, just outside of the house).

Calm down!!

Bloody hell. All these mums forgetting their babies outside shops and going home without them and everyone thinking it is a funny anecdote?!? Wtf? I forget many things but not my baby and if I did then I would seriously question my mental health and my ability to parent responsibly.

I think YABVU - he was fairly close by just getting a drink. I thought you meant he left the pram there and went home from the title.

Leaving your baby unsupervised in a locked car whilst you pay for petrol isn't quite the same as leaving your baby unsupervised at a street party thought is it?

Op left the baby with her husband. You can lock the car when you pay for petrol.

Is the baby not your DH’s, OP?

Quite.

If someone posted today that their friend had left their baby at the shops and driven home without them, they would probably be told that their friend had serious mental health issues and they ought to ring social services.

He could have pushed the pram to the bar with him?

I think you are just realising that two parents have dif approaches. You won’t agree on every aspect of parenting/safety/food they eat/activity or whatever. You have to trust they broadly have their best interests in mind.

I pay at the pump to avoid this dilemma… 🤷‍♀️

The truth is that men have a different risk judgement when it comes to children. This scares the life out of us mothers who are in deep protection mode - especially as babies - but the approaches are deeply complimentary. In fact studies show that growing up with a father figure in your life challenges a child’s boundaries, helps them risk assess situations and gives them confidence.
Doesn’t help our blood pressure though!

I think what he did was fine. You were in a safe happy environment - I imagine lots of people would have been cooing at the lovely baby. Everyone would have known someone; the chances of a child snatcher turning up were infinitesimal.The kids on bikes and dogs? Your baby would have been protected by the pram and safer than the people standing around.
A complete non issue as far as I can see.

Me too, I could never bear to leave her!

I can't see the issue with your DH here. The children on bikes surely couldn't get much speed up in the middle of a street party and aren't blind; they would hopefully avoid a pram. Dogs would probably be well behaved if allowed at a street party and on leads. Babies cry loudly if something is bothering them. Being right next to the pram may not even have made a difference - I saw a baby knocked out of a pram and mildly hurt at a popular tourist destination whilst right next to both parents when a naughty older child was running over other people's picnic blankets. Do you just worry about you children to this level when they are tiny babies or are you this anxious with your older child?

You haven’t forgotten your baby yet….
I left one by the side of the swimming pool once. Toddler session. I was in the pool with the two year old. Baby poolside in car seat, lined up with all the others. End of session -got out - wrangled toddler into his dry clothes in the changing rooms and was just about to leave when I remembered my daughter was still poolside.
How lucky was I that there wasn’t a maniac who just happened to be practising his breaststroke, at that very moment?

I do worry about people who live in perpetual fear. It must be very debilitating.

Bloody hell. All these mums forgetting their babies outside shops and going home without them and everyone thinking it is a funny anecdote?!? Wtf? I forget many things but not my baby and if I did then I would seriously question my mental health and my ability to parent responsibly.

Hmm not sure whether I should share that my in laws left my brother in law at their old house (as a baby) on the day of moving. Packed everything and drove off with my husband in the car, but not his brother.

But he wasn't unsupervised. He was in a pram for a short time while his father went to buy a drink whilst still watching him.

@Highover And did you think it was funny when you realised? Or did you have a moment of panic followed by relief when baby was fine and right where you left her?

YANBU I have a 3 month old (and teenage children) and the way the world is today you can't be too careful. It's always ok until something goes wrong. If someone had taken the baby the dad would be at fault here 100% - like I said it's ok until something goes wrong!

I wouldn’t bring it up with him now, but ask for a rule of ‘hand on pram’ for any other events.

My Dad left my sister in her pram outside a shop, and unfortunately forgot to put the break on. After a panic he found her at the bottom of the hill being fussed over by some old ladies.

Your overreacting its not like he left the baby for hours to go to a tapas bar

It is the point