Husband left baby in pram at a street party

[MyKidsThrowFood]

A few weeks ago we had a street party on our street. We live in a family area but in a big city. It was pretty busy with all our neighbours and their kids, dogs etc there - some of whom we know, others we don’t. I left my 3 month old in pram with DH while I went to chat with some friends. At one point, I looked around and saw DH had left baby in the pram on the kerb while he was getting a drink some 4-5 meters away. He claimed he was watching the pram the whole time but, when I went over to check on baby, it didn’t seem like he immediately noticed me and, anyway, surely that’s not the point? What if a child had knocked the pram with a bike or something worse, and he was too far away to react? AIBU to be upset? Am I helicopter parenting or is he being too lax?

I didn't let my baby out of sight/arms in the early days, they were never left anywhere until they were 3/4 years old and even that was supervised carefully.
Anyone whom is not taking very good care of a newborn baby should perhaps look at themselves, things can happen in a split second.

Or maybe he did notice but didn’t react, because op is the babies mum?

Threads like this are hilarious. People don’t agree so the details are changed. Doubling the distance and saying how far away he was isn’t relevant is just ridiculous.

Some of the posters seem to be lost any connection with the reality. I’m totally with you OP. It’s extremely dangerous thing to do. Anyone could just take the baby and go. The pram could have knocked down, or baby could have vomited and had no one to help. This is totally dangerous and irresponsible. I would be absolutely livid. And no, km not even close to be a helicopter parent.

To me, actually, the distance isn't that relevant. The baby was left without a parent paying attention around strangers in a busy area. Anyone could have spilled a drink or knocked into the pram. Why didn't he just wheel the pram to where he was going? I'm generally pretty laid back and always left my babies in the garden or car for a few minutes but I wouldn't leave a 3 month old unattended at a street party.

In my experience mothers do automatic risk assessments. You feel that your dp did not do this. In playgrounds I used to keep my eyes on my kids constantly.
I was also aware of other kids and would help if I saw one fall over etc I often saw dads oblivious to any children not their own and sometimes including their own.

Well sometimes dh will be solely responsible for dc, and this would certainly be true if you separated. You have to trust and accept his judgment, even if he is making decisions that you would make differently. 4-5 metres away, just to quickly get a drink, is nothing. My living room is longer. He maintained line of sight at all times. I would have done the same. I think it's ok to say that you're not comfortable with it, that you'd have taken the pram with you, but unnecessary to still be thinking about it all this time later.

What if what if what if you can’t live like that . I wouldn’t of had a problem but you do.
tell him and leave it there
there be many times when one parent think somethings ok and the other one doesn’t

So you leave baby equals OK, husband leaves baby and it's a crime.

Were these 4-5 smart meters?

It's only like leaving a big bulky pram outside the shop like people used to do, surely? In fact that was probably more risky than leaving pram near you in a busy party environment with friends/ neighbours.

Yes, and that was a stupid, dangerous thing to do as well, which is why people don't do it anymore.

But why? Why leaving such a small baby out of sight? Why not push the buggy wherever you go? I attended some busy markets with a double buggy and never had as much as a thought of leaving my babies unattended! Maybe inconvenient but manageable. Why risking that? And please please stop comparing it to your own homes, it’s not even remotely the same and I wonder why people fail to see that. I’s a case of endangering your baby, period. OP, watch your DH from now on and discuss what’s acceptable practice of looking after a baby.

Only one person us doing it and I have no idea why. To tell us how long they took to write their rather long post? To indicate their importance? 🤔

It only seems to be one poster but it's really annoying intriguing. Please please don't let it be trend setting.

@TheLadyofShalott1 what's going on, hun?

This was my feeling.
@Blizzardbeach I think your advice is helpful and non-judgemental. I have also suspected I may have an anxiety issue that has been heightened postnatally. This is why I sometimes question my judgement - even if you have anxiety issues, some concerns may still be valid. Others won’t be. The challenge is to disentangle the two. But I prefer to do try to do this before upsetting my DH.

@shrunkenhead - We used to send kids up chimneys… doesn’t make it okay! I’m not saying that’s equivalent of leaving outside shops but attitudes to children and safety change!

It's nothing like being in your own home or it bring that 60s. But I also don't agree that mum's make these risk assessments and dad's don't. He just assessed the risk differently. I think I would have had to see the actual scene, distance, line of sight, how busy, children ok bikes? were many people neighbours, how long was he gone for etc to know if I would have felt comfortable. It also makes sense that he wouldn't react to seeing you go to the pram, why would he? A lot of people saying anything could happen, but these things like someone taking the baby are so highly unlikely. I think it's important as parents to be able to do reasonable risk assessments and not overstate the risks because as they get older children need some freedom not just protection.

@Revolvingwhore who mentioned criminality?!?! Not me! But at home you are aware of the risks and who is coming or going. You have a high level of knowledge and control of the environment which isn’t the same in a public place.

and tbh I’ll probably approach this more gently with my DH now, since this thread has made it clear it’s a matter of personal opinion and comfort-zones rather than a slam-dunk ‘I’m-right-he’s- irresponsible’ situation….

I wouldn't have had a problem with this as long as the pram was in sight.

With my second, she was a very sensitive sleeper (yes, we did try to get her used to noise during naps, it repeatedly failed), so I'd often leave her pram in the quietest bit of a park in line of sight. Obviously I'd keep watch, and I was cost enough that I'd be able to hear crying but she'd be far further away than 5m a lot of the time.

I wouldn't leave an awake, mobile child that far away though, but a newborn, who can barely move, sure.

Babies younger than 6 months should not be sleeping in a room by themselves, day or night. This is standard safe sleep guidance to protect against SIDS. I’d be more upset if he did this than by what he actually did and am always surprised by how many people are ok with it.

It’s hard to know if his actions at the street party were reasonable without being there tbh. I’ve stepped away from a pram for a few minutes in a fenced play park, for example, to help my older child. I would keep a much closer eye in a crowded shopping centre. I think the street party comes somewhere between the two. Maybe just have a chat with him to try and explain both your points of view and reach some sort of agreement for future occasions.

What you are saying does sound like you could be a helicopter parent, if that was my street we live on an estate so there's no through traffic though there is a path through. When we had our street party we were definitely a similar distance from our baby to the food/drink but it would have looked bizarre taking the baby up when literally the entire street were sat there who we know well. If you were at your street party surely it was people you know with you? I wouldn't randomly park my pram on a main road and walk off not watching, that's not the same thing though.

The risk of someone taking your baby is teeny tiny, as you’d need a crazy baby-taking person to be there at that exact moment. BUT it’s not zero.

When I had a baby my rule of thumb was I’d not leave the baby unattended where I wouldn’t leave a handbag- after all they’re 1,000% more precious (even if opportunistic handbag thieves are more common). And I wouldn’t leave my handbag out of my sight while I bought a drink at a busy street party.

So I’d also have been cross with DH, while recognising that I’m maybe a little OTT when it comes to babies. I might have said something at the time but not stewed on it for weeks (3 months I’m guessing!).

She left the baby with her husband. He left the baby alone. See the difference? Both actions may have been fine depending on circumstances but they are not the same thing.

Crossing the road to get a drink is fine. Surely its actually safer to leave the pram on the kerb than bring it into the road?