Husband left baby in pram at a street party

[MyKidsThrowFood]

A few weeks ago we had a street party on our street. We live in a family area but in a big city. It was pretty busy with all our neighbours and their kids, dogs etc there - some of whom we know, others we don’t. I left my 3 month old in pram with DH while I went to chat with some friends. At one point, I looked around and saw DH had left baby in the pram on the kerb while he was getting a drink some 4-5 meters away. He claimed he was watching the pram the whole time but, when I went over to check on baby, it didn’t seem like he immediately noticed me and, anyway, surely that’s not the point? What if a child had knocked the pram with a bike or something worse, and he was too far away to react? AIBU to be upset? Am I helicopter parenting or is he being too lax?

I'm assuming it's in case she cross posts.

I wouldn't have done it with my first, but it happens to subsequent babies all the time - pram parked while parent chases toddler, helps toddler on climbing frame or swing etc.

Much as I wouldn't have done it, it seems a fairly low risk environment.

@JenniferBarkley we actually do have a older toddler of our own. I was supervising him at the time. I guess my feeling is that, chasing an older toddler is necessary, often urgent and (hopefully) pretty quick. Queuing for a drink is lengthy, non urgent and something that can be done with the pram. I recognise you can only minimise rather than eliminate risks.

YANBU, it's less about the distance and more the fact that you were outdoors and presumably anyone has access to your street. I think as mothers we tend to be a lot more cautious than fathers, so whilst DH probably thought nothing of it, it's probably worth a conversation to establish some ground rules in terms of what you are and aren't comfortable with.

It's silly that some people are dismissing you because 70 years ago mothers used to leave their babies alone in their prams outside shops. We've come a long way since then.

When I was a baby my mum left me in the pram outside the shops and went home without me. My dad had to come and get me. I used to tell her I knew she wanted rid of me but couldn't manage. These things happen.

A baby left in the pram while dads nearby surrounded by neighbours isn't the worst offence.

Yanbu. In the 60s they also didn’t use seatbelts etc. my parents left me at home as a baby in the 70s whilst they went out for dinner with my dad coming back to check on me every hour. Not something I would do.

In my opinion, whilst a baby/child is young you don’t leave them unattended. At a street party he should have waited until op returned, asked someone to watch the baby or taken the pram with him. Bloody simple.

And for those saying that their kitchen/house is bigger than 5 metres - what a bloody stupid comparison. Your house doesn’t have strangers/cars etc.

I wouldn’t trust him with the kids op, until or unless he looked after them properly. That was my experience with my ex.

I’ll never understand arguments like this. Things are not automatically ok just because they could have been worse.

Comparing the distance to a kitchen was just a way to help visualise how far it was (i.e. not very far). PP wasn’t saying the street is the same as a kitchen.

I think it was fine OP. He probably didn't want to wake the baby, pushing up and down kerbs for a short distance. It's a matter of personal perspective but if this is the worst he's done then he's a great Dad!

He's probably much more laid back as a person than you are. Me and my DH are the other way around. My DH would not do this in a million years but he'd also ruin his afternoon worrying about the baby and maybe not even get a drink if he worried that moving the baby might wake her but was unwilling to leave her to get her a drink. Then he'd a have a rubbish time. He'd then go home and leave me at the party alone.

It can be trying to live with someone who is always anxious and living with 'worst case scenarios'. It's also not great for children growing up. I would talk to DH, not to persuade him to your view, but to learn how to let go a little. I think my DH has mellowed somewhat, although if he's stressed at work the 'worst case scenario' person oops straight back out!

I really am not sure that bringing it up now is going to be taken too well. Did you not discuss it at the time? If DH didn't think it was a big deal at the time it's unlikely he's going to even remember now. If there haven't been similarly 'neglectful' arguments in the interim I'd maybe leave it and try to let go of your own anger.

You certainly are bad at estimating distance. The average residential street width in the UK is 5.5 metres. The average car length is 4.4 metres. Given that there were tables in the street, I'd go for your original 4.5 metre distance estimate.

If a child knocked the pram with a bike, it wouldn't really make a difference ill terms of the outcome whether your husband was half a metre away or 4.5.

Possibly as they cross posted and are showing that whilst it may seem that they are responding to a post at xpm they had penned it earlier?

And for those saying that their kitchen/house is bigger than 5 metres - what a bloody stupid comparison. Your house doesn’t have strangers/cars etc.

It was a street party. That requires the street to be closed, so there wouldn't be any cars driving down it.

This isn’t the 50s or 60s. We are not living in those innocent times anymore. People have far less consideration for those around them. By the way are you saying you would pop in to do your shopping and leave your baby outside?

I read your title and assumed he had left the baby somewhere for an hour or something. You need to chill out, it’s really not a huge deal

I get what you are saying OP. Don’t understand why he couldn’t take the pram with him. I would be annoyed to.

This may already have been mentioned but your perception of events (your being generic to everyone not just you OP) if you are in a heightened state of anxiety. For example i walk over a secure bridge to get back to my lift after going to watch football, i have done this for 9 years now and somehow had it in my head the other day that it was going to collapse when i walked across it on Thursday despite there being no evidence to suggest otherwise, just because I felt anxious.

It seems this may have happened here. You seem to be unsure of the exact distance. It's likely not to be as far as you thought...how i met your mother springs to mind when Ted is described how Marshall perceived the basketball team! Truth is, it was a street party, im gathering there were people there who were your friends and who you trust, assess the risk in this situation, the liklihood of anything happening to your DC was very slim!! I can be fairly precious about my son, but i think this is a situation you need to let go, otherwise your relationship could be at risk, you're running into trust issue territory here!

Really not a problem. Yabvu, the baby was secure and safe.

I think we all assume the world is full of baby snatchers

It isn.

If the op isn’t sure about the difference between 5 and 10 meters, then it’s entirely possible that it was actually less. Op wouldn’t know the difference between 1 meter and 5.

My mum
Left my brother outside the shop in his pram as well, back on the 60s. She said she walked home, felt she'd forgotten something and realised! Went back to the shop and the ladies who worked there were looking after him. No issues, no problems.

YABU

Why would you need to 'approach it more gently with DH now' ? You said it was weeks ago . Surely it should be resolved by now .

I think you are worrying too much really. Baby was safe in pram - and the worst case scenarios that you are brooding on are so very unlikely.

Just tell him you felt a bit uncomfortable about this and would rather it did not happen again, but please stop going over it in your mind.

You need to recognise a bit of give and take. There are often differences in the way each partner parents - that is OK. Mine used to have a "Daddy Day" when I was at work - his care day, his rules. Heaven knows what they got up to!

I wouldn't be happy about this at all, anything could have happened, it would have been really easy for someone to walk off with the child. I think your dh needs to understand this wasn't safe, but then it needs to be let go as it is done and over with.