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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so embarrassed about this?

252 replies

TheLostNights · 10/09/2022 22:37

Doing some work in a new department at a different base to cover staff absences.
All my life, I have been told I look incredibly young for my age. All my family do. My parents both look 10 years younger and my aunt who is in her fifties gets mistaken for early 40's.
Anyway, in a packed office one of the women called out and said 'How old are you? We have all been wondering.' I said 37 and there was a stunned silence and they asked me to repeat it so I did. Then it was all 'You're pulling my leg there is no way.' And 'WHAT?!' Literally the whole office was going mad at this revelation and I could feel myself getting redder and redder. I hate all the attention looking like a kid does. They all thought 22 or 23. I am 37 years old and sick of being treated like a kid. I knew they thought a lot younger previously as they asked me if I lived alone (not with a partner or kids) and kept calling me pet names. They were going on about it so much and looking at me as though I was like some weird freak amd even afterwards I could hear mini conversations going on about my age. Part of me is dreading going back on Monday. This is not a boast, who wants to look like a kid barely out of their teens when they are pushing 40? Who wants to be treated like a young kid by their peers because they assume you are so much younger than them? There's nothing to be envied about there.

OP posts:
LadyWithLapdog · 10/09/2022 22:41

That sounds like an immature crowd and unprofessional workplace.

takemetomybeach · 10/09/2022 22:42

I do. I want to look like a kid barely out of their teens.

WhatIsThisMad · 10/09/2022 22:43

OP, sorry you are feeling so low about this :(

I always used to look young. I remember the last time I was ID'd to buy alcohol I was 34 and already had a child with another on the way!!

To be honest, I'd love to look young now! I hated it at the time, but it's far worse having wrinkles! Someone asked me my age the other day and I told them (I'm mid 40s). I waited for the 'no way!! You look so young!' comment, and when instead they said "yeah I thought you were late 40s" I kind of felt sad!! It's a sign I am actually old now and will never be ID'd again :(

Enjoy looking young while you do. It won't last forever.

YellowTreeHouse · 10/09/2022 22:44

YANBU. Looking young is a curse because nobody takes you seriously.

They don’t treat you like a competent adult, they treat you, sometimes subconsciously, in a very patronising manner.

Everyone thinks they would want it but the reality is far different.

JacquelineCarlyle · 10/09/2022 22:45

takemetomybeach · 10/09/2022 22:42

I do. I want to look like a kid barely out of their teens.

Me too!

LePigeon · 10/09/2022 22:45

Stop it 😂😂

Keyansier · 10/09/2022 22:46

100% relate to this. I made a thread about it about a month ago and got tore to shreds. But I understand wholeheartedly what you mean.

stillvicarinatutu · 10/09/2022 22:46

Trust me there will come an age where you revel in it !

I've also always looked younger than my age - now at 50 it's rather nice !

Johnnysgirl · 10/09/2022 22:48

If you genuinely look 20+, why were so many people wondering how old you were?
It doesn't really make any sense... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
TheLostNights · 10/09/2022 22:50

My aunt still hates it and she is in her fifties. She really does look early forties maybe even late thirties. She like me is a quiet person and hates all the attention it brings as well as that weird feeling where you never feel you fit in. She's never been OK with it and I doubt I will either.
It's embarrassing to look like a kid when you are practically a middle aged woman. I can't see why anyone would find that enjoyable or enviable. It's caused so many embarrassing and awkward moments in my life and as I said, people don't see the negative. Some of which I and others have described on here.

OP posts:
NeedMoMoney · 10/09/2022 22:50

Oh I have to admit I still love it ☺️ 34 atm and when people have asked me my age they say, oh I thought you'd be about 22-23 ☺️

Sooveritallnow · 10/09/2022 22:52

Why would everyone be wondering how old you were. I've never worked in an office where people are obsessed with everyone ages, so bizarre.

Icecreamandapplepie · 10/09/2022 22:53

These people have so little in their lives that they were having multiple convos about your age, where you could overhear them?!!

I have always looked young for my age, to the extent that I had an argument with an asda cashier when I was 40 because she wanted id for me to buy wine... but this is not really believable.

If true, you looking young is the least of your problems. Your colleagues have life problems...

Icecreamandapplepie · 10/09/2022 22:54

Hates all the attention it brings 🤣

Featuredcreature · 10/09/2022 22:56

I got charged half fair on the bus when I was 8 months pregnant with my first haha Hmm

Sadly no longer a thing, life has taken its toll. Its better than the opposite though, I worked with a young girl who was mistaken for late 30s a couple of times eek. Tbh if she had a bra intervention it would have helped a great deal.

Fifiellz · 10/09/2022 22:57

I love it. I'm 47 and people think i'm in my late 20's. I regularly get asked for id in supermarkets.

I'm sure it will catch up at some point but how could you not like looking younger than your age - I don't get the angst.

RaininSummer · 10/09/2022 22:58

I quite like that at almost 60 most people put me at mid to late 40s. It does backfire a bit when they see me limping about the office with my stiff joints and think I am a right old crock for my supposed age.

oviraptor21 · 10/09/2022 23:01

TheLostNights · 10/09/2022 22:50

My aunt still hates it and she is in her fifties. She really does look early forties maybe even late thirties. She like me is a quiet person and hates all the attention it brings as well as that weird feeling where you never feel you fit in. She's never been OK with it and I doubt I will either.
It's embarrassing to look like a kid when you are practically a middle aged woman. I can't see why anyone would find that enjoyable or enviable. It's caused so many embarrassing and awkward moments in my life and as I said, people don't see the negative. Some of which I and others have described on here.

Well that is just nonsense. What 50 year old would hate looking early 40s?

custardshire · 10/09/2022 23:02

I worked with someone like that. She was late 30s and mistaken by late 20s. That was down to her cheap and a bit tacky clothes and shoes. She also had a bit of a teenager attitude.

She also had some acne which didn’t help.

Original poster
TheLostNights · 10/09/2022 23:05

I've already explained why I hate it. I have a weird look about me, kid like at almost 40. Countless embarrassing and awkward situations. Like the one described, being asked if I was starting secondary school when I was 18. School bus driver telling me to impatiently get on when I was 34, being asked out by a 19 year old boy at 30 as he assumed I was his age, constant ID when in pubs and clubs. Being treated like the younger sister by people who are decades younger than me, it always being assumed that I have no kids because 'Oh. You're too young to have them yet aren't you?' and having to dress a lot older than I am because wearing casual hoodies and having long hair just encourages the comments.
Why would any of that be enjoyable? I look like a freak and don't fit in anywhere. I'm not sure why I am meant to be pleased and joyful over that.

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 10/09/2022 23:15

OP what do you mean that you look like a freak ? That's a strange thing to say about yourself.

Keyansier · 10/09/2022 23:18

TheLostNights · 10/09/2022 23:05

I've already explained why I hate it. I have a weird look about me, kid like at almost 40. Countless embarrassing and awkward situations. Like the one described, being asked if I was starting secondary school when I was 18. School bus driver telling me to impatiently get on when I was 34, being asked out by a 19 year old boy at 30 as he assumed I was his age, constant ID when in pubs and clubs. Being treated like the younger sister by people who are decades younger than me, it always being assumed that I have no kids because 'Oh. You're too young to have them yet aren't you?' and having to dress a lot older than I am because wearing casual hoodies and having long hair just encourages the comments.
Why would any of that be enjoyable? I look like a freak and don't fit in anywhere. I'm not sure why I am meant to be pleased and joyful over that.

The thing is OP, if nobody understands it, they won't ever understand it. I do, because it happens to me, and I know what you're talking about. Others will put it down to "jealousy" or say "that would never happen", but it can happen, and does, and I believe you when you say it happens to you, because it happens to me. All the examples you've given, I can relate to (apart from being "a freak" - looking young is not looking like "a freak", it's just looking young).

NeedAHoliday2021 · 10/09/2022 23:21

I have been told that I need to be more patient re career progression as I’m still young. I pointed out I was 39 and my manager did a stunned pause and basically admitted he hadn’t realised my age and I was right to be pushing for promotion. Why my proven track record wasn’t enough will always grate.

Imsupertangirl · 10/09/2022 23:22

Everyone puts me at least 10 -15 years younger than I am.
I’m 40’s.
I’m not complaining, it’s great!!
I always say having no kids to worry about is my secret!!

NeedAHoliday2021 · 10/09/2022 23:22

Apparently I don’t look like I have 3dc either… not sure what I do look like?!