To be so embarrassed about this?

[TheLostNights]

Doing some work in a new department at a different base to cover staff absences.
All my life, I have been told I look incredibly young for my age. All my family do. My parents both look 10 years younger and my aunt who is in her fifties gets mistaken for early 40's.
Anyway, in a packed office one of the women called out and said 'How old are you? We have all been wondering.' I said 37 and there was a stunned silence and they asked me to repeat it so I did. Then it was all 'You're pulling my leg there is no way.' And 'WHAT?!' Literally the whole office was going mad at this revelation and I could feel myself getting redder and redder. I hate all the attention looking like a kid does. They all thought 22 or 23. I am 37 years old and sick of being treated like a kid. I knew they thought a lot younger previously as they asked me if I lived alone (not with a partner or kids) and kept calling me pet names. They were going on about it so much and looking at me as though I was like some weird freak amd even afterwards I could hear mini conversations going on about my age. Part of me is dreading going back on Monday. This is not a boast, who wants to look like a kid barely out of their teens when they are pushing 40? Who wants to be treated like a young kid by their peers because they assume you are so much younger than them? There's nothing to be envied about there.

You think you do but you don’t. I used to look like a kid and it was really frustrating career wise. Since Covid (which really aged me), I finally look my age or a few years younger- people assume I am late 20s now that I’m mid 30s. And I’m much happier with that.

Looking 19 when you’re supervising or managing a team is hell- you are patronised, ignored and you go through the sexism of male colleagues’ treatment of young women every time a new man joins the team.

Having said that, For the most part, I did enjoy being mistaken for younger.

If I was actually refused alcohol because I had no ID. I used to say Look I’m well into my thirties, I don’t carry ID, they would take a closer look and then usually just sell it to me.

You only enjoy it because you don’t actually look younger so it’s a nice “treat”. If looking younger affected your every day at work and in social situations, I’d wager that you would enjoy it less.

My husband has to buy any impromptu alcohol for us since I don’t typically carry ID. Last time I tried to spontaneously buy alcohol, after I had forgotten to bring a donation for the school fair, I was refused (my fault for wearing no makeup- I used to look like a teenager without it). I too did the whole spiel (I’m early 30s, I have children, I’m a professional), and even showed them a scan of my ID on my phone, and on “closer look”, they sent me out of the shop sans wine. As did the next shop I went to. At age 28 I was refused super glue at WH Smith. It was actually humiliating since the age to buy glue is 16 and since I was popping into the shop with a colleague I managed.

Only those who don’t actually look younger, to the extent they constantly get mistaken for a teenager or early 20s, would claim it’s a good thing.

I understand OP - throughout my 30s nobody believed my age, I was always mistaken for early 20s. Strangely, it was never an issue in my 20s - and now I'm in my 40s I look older than I am I think, certainly no-one is shocked anymore But yeah, my 30s was weird - and rather than feeling chuffed I felt really embarrassed and wondered if I came across immature as I genuinely didn't think I looked younger than my years.

Anyway, it isn't an issue anymore! 👵🏼

I don’t believe anyone looks any younger than about 8-10 years younger than they are. There’s been threads on here where people insist celebs like Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves haven’t aged and still look in their 30s. They really don’t. And there’s people who go on about how young they look and people just nod along. Some people have round faces which can look young but skin changes show ageing. No one has the skin of a 22 year old at 37 even if they look good.

Oh stop it. No woman in her 50s would dislike looking like she is still in her 40s or her late 30s. And why would it bring any attention? I am 52, if I sat there at work looking all 42, why would it mean any attention, people would just think I am a woman in their 40s (if they think anything at all).

I get this. People are so shocked when I tell them I’m 65 I look 20 years younger.
That’s because I am in fact 45 but I tell them I’m 65 so I get compliments for looking so young.

MissingNashville ·
“I don’t believe anyone looks any younger than about 8-10 years younger than they are”

May I introduce Vera Wang, 74. Definitely looks 30 on a good day, 50 in bad light.

No she doesn’t, look at unfiltered photos of her. Look at people who are 30 or 50, particularly Chinese women and she looks much older. One of my friends is Chinese and tells me there is research to shows her skin type stays younger for longer (I don’t know if that is true or proven), but at 37, my friend looks so much more youthful as you’d expect at half Vera Wangs age. My friend would pass for late 20s, or 30. Vera Wang looks good but she is clearly an older woman who looks great as a 70 odd year old woman that you might possibly say looks 60. I really think people are bad at judging ages.

I get it! I look a little younger but I’m really small, I hold a mid level management position at work and the people I line manage are absolutely fine, as are my seniors. The other people of the same level however can be quite patronising, some are older than me but they don’t treat me as their equal, they see themselves as above me. It is really frustrating because I am equally qualified (if not more because I have “newer” experience compared to theirs being a little outdated), yet I am spoke to like it is my first day and they try palm them shit jobs on me - I stand my ground!

I can’t believe anybody would waste their time to upset any person , if you have nothing nice to say say don’t say anything. I really don’t understand 🤦‍♀️ why even if you are the worst person in life and having a really bad life why would you be nasty to someone you don’t know. We can all bad mouth or have grudges but surely that should be personal experiences face to face not virtual. You be yourself and online trolls are insignificant and completely worthless. Why can’t we all be a bit more supportive of each other, we all need help at some point in our lives 😘

I think Jessica Barden (30) and Bianca Lawson (43) look a good 10+ years younger than their real ages.

If someone looks 12 when they are 25, then their skin in their 30s may well look like that of someone in their early 20s due to their delayed development.

@MissingNashville See also Tatyana Ali, Selena Gomez and Sarah Hyland who I think would get mistaken for much younger women due to their youthful look and small physique.

If you have to give someone a physical examination and inspect their skin to work out their real age, then they probably do look young and get treated accordingly. It’s not a bad thing in an actress or singer’s line of work where age discrimination starts early, but it’s not great in most other industries to look immature and junior.

I get it OP.
However I do see these threads pop up every now and then and there are always posters laughing and poking fun and saying “I wish I had that problem!”
Reminds me of people who struggle with being underweight and those who respond that they wish they had that problem.

I wouldn't be embarrassed, it's nice to look young.
Take no notice they're just a bit immature. X

I had the same problem for years OP and it was frustrating then I became unwell and I now look my age (52 ) at least ! No one mistakes me for a youngster anymore! Enjoy it while you can! Life and youthfullness is a gift ! And tell the ones that patronise you to back off!

I don’t know who Bianca Lawson is but I would say Jessica Barden looks mid 20s, young for her age but that’s easier at 30 when skin is still very youthful. She doesn’t look 19-20, my son is almost 19, he and his friends look younger.

I’ve actually met Selena irl...she’s very lovely, again she looks mid 20s. They all look a few years younger but I still don’t believe anyone looks more than 10 years younger. People saying they look 20 years younger are mad imo. 😂

What is 'all the attention' you'd get for looking 30's-40's? It's not like there aren't lots of 30 and 40 year old people around.

Maybe people were asking because you were dressed or styled very young.

If someone appears to have a typically pre-pubescent (very short and flat chested) body then they wouldn't be assuming the person is 23 though would they as those are not typical traits of people in their mid twenties. Maybe it's in combination with mannerisms and posture etc. The sensitivity is due to those things that you're self conscious or unhappy about, not about having youthful skin etc.

Some people are also emotionally immature can also appear younger than they are due to their behaviour and expectations.

A lot of people would like to have the physical attributes they had in their twenties - a more toned physique, uplifted face and better skin and hair. When people say they're offended by people thinking they're younger, it's not about those positive physical things, it's about being seen as immature, less capable, impulsive or other traits that the OP describes negatively.

I know how you feel OP. At work I got treated like the student intern by people who didn't know me, told I surely couldn't be in ny job as I was way to young. Constantly ID was actually paranoid about making sure I had one on me etc. It has definitely settled down for me last few years but it's just a pain.

My mum is the same though late 60s and looks late 40s.

I gave up trying to change it and just decided to ignore it. If I get challenged on it and get the surely you can't be comments I just reply with well that's my age what's the issue? Usually this stops a lot of it and they usually respond with something about good genes and I shrug and say not something I'm in control of. Conversation usually moves on pretty quickly.

I have this problem, I'm 36 but anytime I've taken pictures or been with my 13 year old daughter her friends that didn't know me thought I was her sister or babysitter which used to annoy my daughter to no end. I even have an older step daughter who is 18 and off to Uni, I went with her and her dad for orientation and I got mistaken for a student 😐

OP that sounds like an unpleasant experience. Your temporary colleagues will have moved on to discussing the RF on Monday. Does it help to eframe work next week in your mind as 1. only temporary with these folk 2. They are the kind of shallow gossips that will be on to the next subject really fast and that won't be you. I know it doesn't negate the bad feelings from what happened to you though.

Those of you who empathise are you also short? I’ve been in my senior role for 5 years and so it gets better as more people know who I am but for the first few years the number of double takes and looks of surprise when I introduced myself was so frustrating. I’m not sure my skin care is amazing but because I’m only 5’2” people judge and it’s sometimes outright rude! I can’t control my height (although do often wear heels) and to feel inferior because of it winds me up. I knew some incredible shorter leaders doing similar roles who were towards the end of their career who no one would dare judge so I just hold on to the hope there must be tipping point where experience counts more!

Embrace looking young because you will miss the compliment when your older.
I used to get asked for ID all the time and it pissed me off but now the wrinkles have caught up with my age 🤣

People generally expect me to be 15 years or so younger than I am which is nice! I'm not too interested though. The problem is I have a bit of a sweet but dim look to me apparently because that's often how I'm treated 😄 but I don't really care as ironically I have an intellectual job. Is it that they treat you like that a bit OP? I get that it'd be annoying but tbh I think they are all probably very embarrassed now they've found out that they've been treating an experienced peer like a naive 23 yr old. They also sound like idiots tbh...overall it's lovely looking young and if anything they're probably just all jealous.