To be so embarrassed about this?

[TheLostNights]

Doing some work in a new department at a different base to cover staff absences.
All my life, I have been told I look incredibly young for my age. All my family do. My parents both look 10 years younger and my aunt who is in her fifties gets mistaken for early 40's.
Anyway, in a packed office one of the women called out and said 'How old are you? We have all been wondering.' I said 37 and there was a stunned silence and they asked me to repeat it so I did. Then it was all 'You're pulling my leg there is no way.' And 'WHAT?!' Literally the whole office was going mad at this revelation and I could feel myself getting redder and redder. I hate all the attention looking like a kid does. They all thought 22 or 23. I am 37 years old and sick of being treated like a kid. I knew they thought a lot younger previously as they asked me if I lived alone (not with a partner or kids) and kept calling me pet names. They were going on about it so much and looking at me as though I was like some weird freak amd even afterwards I could hear mini conversations going on about my age. Part of me is dreading going back on Monday. This is not a boast, who wants to look like a kid barely out of their teens when they are pushing 40? Who wants to be treated like a young kid by their peers because they assume you are so much younger than them? There's nothing to be envied about there.

You'll miss it when it's gone and trust me, it will go. I always looked quite young but I look my age since I hit 40 and no make up can disguise it! Just enjoy it.

It’s not a question I would ever ask.

If you know that telling people your age results in an embarrassing situation find a good comeback. A quick google search found these:

”How rude”

“How would it help you to know that?”

“If you will forgive me for not answering ; I will forgive you for asking”

“Why is that important for you to know?”

“Is that relevant for you?”

“Is there some reason you would ask such a private question?”

So do I!

I used to look young for my years. A few years ago I worked a wedding as a favour for a friend, and my son came up (it was about half a mile away) to drop me off a charger. A couple of the girls looked massively confused because they'd assumed the son to whom I'd been referring was about 6 or 7, not a teenager. And they're assumed I'd had him quite young, and was in my late 20s. I was in my mid/late 30s.

Nowadays, I look every day of my 40 something years, and then some :( Should've been less of a smuggins and cracked out the retinol a bit earlier :(

Why would you want to reply in such a hostile way?

It’s embarrassing, but the fact that someone has assumed you’re younger isn’t because they’re deliberately being rude. It’s one of those things which isn’t necessarily a positive thing depending on the situation but is a genuine error.

I usually say, when people are surprised at things like grandkids etc ‘I think I might be older than you think I am’ and if they push it ‘It’s because I dress like a student’ (When I was 47 someone thought I was a teenage boy - I assume boy due to what I was wearing - waved me through a search thing at a sporting event because they don’t search under 18’s). Watch all the disbelievers spontaneously combust when they’ve read that 😂

I have always looked younger than my years until fairly recently. Even when I had DD at 41 people thought I was much younger because people assumed that the mother of a toddler would have been mid 30s rather than mid 40s.

Post menopause I now look my age. When on a train last week I asked the ticket inspector if they wanted to see my senior railcard and was told "no, it's fine" (sob).

I feel your pain OP! I am 27 and look about 15. I’m also 6 months pregnant so you can imagine the judgement and looks I’m getting at the moment.

It is extremely annoying and rude. Imagine how people would react if it was the other way round and people made a big deal about someone looking older than they are, it would never happen! It is like when people make remarks about people’s weight to skinny people, also rude and people (usually) wouldn’t dream of making comments to overweight people so flippantly.

I always just say ‘yeah I have got a baby face haven’t I!’ And not really engage in conversation about it anymore than that. You are justified in being irritated by them though!

I really do sympathise.

I'm 38 and I still get I'D regularly. It's just genes- my DM is nearly 70 but looks no older than 45. DH is the same, he's 50 but looks in his mid 30s.

I work with members of the public who assume I'm young and inexperienced and all the prejudices that come with that assumption.

I look much younger too. Good genes I think. I like it because I'd rather look young than old but I do feel it holds me back professionally. It's hard to get taken seriously sometimes and that's frustrating. Totally get your point.

I am always getting this. I’m 50 and could pass for 30’s. When I was younger I hated it - it made my work difficult as I was treated as a junior when I was very much a senior. But now, I have to say I love it. It’s incredibly freeing to be mature in age and experience enough to not give a shit about what anyone else thinks, but revel in the fact your face looks 20 years younger (even tho your body does not in the least, inside or outside!)

Op I think you’re getting a bit obsessed. I’m in my 50s and a colleague is in his 20s. I don’t treat him any differently to an older colleague. Only thing I wouldn’t do is date him.

People think I’m still in my 30s. During lockdown I had to push my mask down several times when buying alcohol. I don’t have any wrinkles so people don’t think I’m in my 50s. I don’t give it much thought but I’d rather look young than old.

Well because perhaps some people are deluding themselves. I think most people have a pretty good idea of how old somebody is, based on their looks and also as another poster mention based upon their conversation.

There was a woman in my work who recently turned 30, very open about this milestone birthday. But for a good week she went around saying that “everyone” had been saying they couldn’t believe it and assumed she was about 21. I sat there silently and rather baffled, because to me she looked as she was, late 20s. Also she often talked of her 9 year tenure at the work place, and I never would have thought she started working there when she was 12.

Friends at work did a collection for my 50th recently. Most people assumed it was my 40th.
I remember running a youth group and trying to buy fireworks. I had no ID on me and was refused- legal age being 16. I had to take my dad back in with me. I was 24. Mortifying.

I completely get this.
I know people can’t believe you would really be annoyed about this because most people want to look young for their age so see it similarly to if someone was moaning that they had too much money or something.

it’s different if you looked your age (didn’t get comments) for example up to being in your early 30s and then started to get people saying that you look young for your age (I can see why that would be taken as a compliment)
But if you have had something said to you about you looking young in a negative way since being little then you will always take the comments in a negative way even as you get older. (and you remember every negative comment said too)

I understand the freak comment too because you feel like people are staring at you like you ar abnormal (again, because of previous negative comments rather then what they are really thinking)

if you hate attention it’s awful because it puts you off having conversations with people incase somehow an age related question comes up so you avoid talking to people.

I can see why people in this thread are thinking it’s a crazy thing to get embarrassed about and should be/will be grateful etc etc but it’s actually a real issue that causes a lot of anxiety.

its so hard to explain but I understand!

😂 at all the 50 year olds convinced they look in their 30s.

😂😂

I know lots of people who look younger than they are.

Most people look their age, some look a lot older and some a lot younger; genes, lifestyle, how you dress etc can have big influences on how you're perceived.

@TheLostNights I look very young for my age and when I first started in my current role at the age of 33 I had some very negative and patronising comments which I found hurtful but it also made me worried that people thought I was incompetent.

“You’re very young to do a job this responsible” was an actual comment as well as “you look like a little girl”.
It is a role I take very seriously and have been told I do very well but these comments, and similar, really bothered me at the time.

I am less bothered now and tend to give a numerous but firm reply when people comment on my age or looks (which in my job people do frequently!) I tend to not tell people my actual age anymore but just say I’m old enough to have a child learning to drive or have been married nearly 20 years.

It’s frustrating in work but generally I do love looking younger than I am!

• humorous not numerous 🤦🏼‍♀️

As someone with many friends who are in their 50s I know quite a few people who do look late 30s. They are wrinkle free and no grays. And I know many 40 year olds who I thought were celebrating their 50th. And I recently found out that a male colleague who I presumed was mid 20s is actually late 30s.

My boyfriend also in his 50s started working somewhere new this year and everyone thinks he’s in his 20s. And I’ve seen pics of him a lot younger and there is very little difference.

It is a combo of genes and lifestyle.

YANBU Not an issue for me but DH irritatingly has barely aged. He could easily pass for 10 years younger than he is whereas I probably look a bit older than my age as I don't dye my hair and am quite grey. On two separate occasions people have assumed he was my son! (We're actually the same age). That wasn't much fun for me.

He hates it in the workplace too - not such extreme treatment as you OP but just general incredulity when people find out he has an adult DC etc.

I totally get it, am also stunningly beautiful and sooooo tired with the unsolicited marriage proposals from billionaires and having to step over the piles of bodies as people faint when they see me. Sigh.

This is about you inner self esteem @TheLostNights and you should be proud of your youthful looks!

Obviously you don't behave like a teenager. So I'd ignore the office comments and just take them as a compliment.

I have had the same experiences. I am mid 60s and people- complete strangers- have thought I was early 40s. I was once quizzed when trying to buy and over-60s ticket concession in front of a queue of people behind me (the asst didn't know why I wanted a concession and thought it was for my child.)

My DD is mid 30s and was recently asked for ID when buying something that you had to be over 18 to buy!

So- just enjoy it!

I've always looked younger than my years and in some ways it can be an advantage as it means that you are often under-estimated so you can them wow them with your abilities. It works both ways though, a shitty type may become even ruder when they realise that you can't be taken for a ride.

I looked older when I was younger, and my face hasn’t really changed in 15 years. I still get asked for ID sometimes (I’m 37). I used to confuse people at work as they couldn’t square my experience with my appearance. It can be a blessing and a curse

Get your hair cut short. I mean short. Then people will definitely think you are older.

Embrace it OP! They are just jealous. I used to look young for my age. Then I had kids! Ha

I'm 30 with 4 kids and on a good day I can get a really? How are you old enough? Puts a spring in my step. Then other days when I have had bugger all sleep and not feeling looking my best I do indeed look my age or a bit older.

Either way it doesn't matter what you look like. And they are probably a bit jealous