To be so embarrassed about this?

[TheLostNights]

Doing some work in a new department at a different base to cover staff absences.
All my life, I have been told I look incredibly young for my age. All my family do. My parents both look 10 years younger and my aunt who is in her fifties gets mistaken for early 40's.
Anyway, in a packed office one of the women called out and said 'How old are you? We have all been wondering.' I said 37 and there was a stunned silence and they asked me to repeat it so I did. Then it was all 'You're pulling my leg there is no way.' And 'WHAT?!' Literally the whole office was going mad at this revelation and I could feel myself getting redder and redder. I hate all the attention looking like a kid does. They all thought 22 or 23. I am 37 years old and sick of being treated like a kid. I knew they thought a lot younger previously as they asked me if I lived alone (not with a partner or kids) and kept calling me pet names. They were going on about it so much and looking at me as though I was like some weird freak amd even afterwards I could hear mini conversations going on about my age. Part of me is dreading going back on Monday. This is not a boast, who wants to look like a kid barely out of their teens when they are pushing 40? Who wants to be treated like a young kid by their peers because they assume you are so much younger than them? There's nothing to be envied about there.

Because I have such a weird look. Almost 40 but so kid like. I do everything I can to appear older in terms of make up, styling and hair, get told I have a mature personality but I can't obviously completely change how I look. Nobody would be envious if they saw what I looked like. Looking like a kid at my age, flat chested and short. Hardly enviable is it.

I sort of know what you mean actually. I’m 51 and I’ve been doing a course for 4 years. The head of the college, who has taught me all the way through thought I was in my 20s and then it transpired all my fellow students did too. Maybe I should be flattered, but I just wondered if I came across as really immature? I don’t think so but - how can a whole bunch of people be that wrong?! Do I not come across the same as the other 50somethings in the class? I wouldn’t have minded if they’d said 30s because at least then I’d come across like a grown up. It just felt weirdly unsettling.

I'm in my early 40s and I had it all my life...hated it in my 20's you look 12! 😂 I probably looked more like 16 though. In my 30's also hated it ....now I finally love it because most say say I look in my late 20's to early 30's I hope I can always look at least 10 years younger...but I have a feeling my age will eventually it will catch up in the next 10 years!

My sister gets this. People were always surprised to meet my younger sister when I was 27. She was 41. She's high up in the professional world and started dropping not so subtle hints to her age early on (like "oh when I graduated uni in 1996 those trousers were the trend" and other nonsense like that) so that people knew because it bothered her.

I completely empathise. Everyone always thinks I am much younger. It’s not flattering, it’s embarrassing. It would be flattering if I was mistaken for 5 years or so younger, people mistaking me for not far out of my teens? Not so much.

I’m approaching 40 and can’t bear people asking my age, because I know people are so shocked when they find out my age. It’s stuff like a new colleague asking if people have children and saying ‘well, not you, you’re too young’. Having to correct people is mortifying.

I’ve been mistaken for my son’s older sister a couple of times. A charity collector at the door just the other week was fishing for my age saying he couldn’t talk to me if I was too you, and was I the person ‘responsible for the household’.

That was really rude of them.
People saying you should be pleased just don’t get how it feels to be treated like you’re stupid or a child just because you look younger than you are.

Understand you completely OP, apart from the flat-chested part (well I am flat chested actually as I am male) but understand the young-looking comments towards you. People think I am a boy, despite me being an adult man - I can't do anything about this. It's not uncommon because people mistake me for a boy ALL the time, ask me "where are your parents" etc. If this doesn't happen to people because they don't look young I feel they won't ever understand it, but I relate 100% to where you're coming from.

I love looking young. I always surprise people when I say how old I am. I was complaining about sore knees months ago and said ‘Ach it’s getting old that does it!’ My colleague said ‘aye and what age are you,32?’ I said ‘43 actually’ and she was surprised. The other day I said something about being 40 plus and the 24 year old in my office said ‘you don’t look it hen!’ My gran always looked years younger than her age (my mum spoiled her skin with chain smoking).

Me too

I'm 49 and people are shocked when I tell them my age as they assume I'm late 30s or early 40s. It's in the genes as mum, dad and my entire family all look much younger than we are. My dh is 53 and people think he is 40 or younger. He doesn't like it whereas I love it. It's been the same all my life. I was last asked for Id to buy a lottery ticket at about 36!!

I get it op. I’m 40 but guessed around mid 20s. I’ve been bullied and left out at work etc and pother weird things. It’s not great. Shows how judgemental people are.

I'm so glad someone else feels the same!! I look over 10 years younger, get treated like a teenager/young 20s in the same patronising way.

For everyone asking why if you looked 20 why was everyone so intrigued.... I've found that everyone just assumes your early 20s until you say something in general conversation which refutes that e.g. 'I've worked here/for company/client/role for 10 years' or if you mention you have kids and then are asked ages (mines is 15!) or 'when I was younger'. Then people do a double take after a quick calculation in their head and then start asking questions.

On multiple occasions I've been IDd and the cashier has called her colleague over to comment no way, can you believe etc. it is embarrassing. I've been to drs and hospital appointments with my teenage son and have been asked every time my relationship to him, some have even commented thinking I'm his sister. Just assumed it was standard hen taking kids to apps until I have now never been asked when taking my daughter to any appointment ever, she's 4.

Totally sympathise with you OP but I have no solutions or answers. Some people are just rude as f*

so-
imagine.................you genetically resembled an...elderly ..pig in knickers
wi lipstick,poor fashion choices...3 fingers on 1 hand,2 heads,3 arses......and a husband(thats your brother) 19 kids(all in care except the aborted 4).....and dont give a funk-cos you go to work to-with any luck-get paid appropritely
damn sure none of em posted on aibu rotten wi jealousy
accept yourself\grin like a bstard.whoop whoop

This happens to me all the time aswell. I hate it. I am 36 and people tend to think I am about 23/24. When I mention my 10 year old dd, the look of horror on some people's faces then mostly always followed by ... how old are you? Then the whole .. no way/omg/can't beleive that/you look so much younger... yada yada. I am almost certain that when I moved to the area I live in now .. where majority of the school mums are in their 40s, the reason most of them don't acknowledge me is because they think I had my dd when I was about 13 years old. (I was 26 when I gave birth)

Omg this is literally me. I'm 37 too and look about 20. 🙈 It's not a humblebrag, it's genuinely a bit embarrassing and socially awkward to look that much younger. I find that relationships with acquaintances can sometimes be tricky as younger people (colleagues/school mums etc) gravitate towards me thinking I'm their age and then it gets weird when they realise I'm actually a really young looking boring old woman who likes gardening. Or that people actually my age aren't interested in talking to me because they think I'm really young. 🤷🏻‍♀️I also get ID'd every time I buy a single alcoholic drink or cigarettes for DH. Haha.

I personally think I'm like this because I'm pretty sure I have Ehlers-Danlos, but it could just be otherwise odd genes. No advice here but I know what it's like!

😂

My best friend is older than me by nearly 2 years (she's 38) and looks exactly as she did when we were at school. She honestly looks 17-18 still and I've been asked if I'm her mum 😡I have always envied her 😅

When my daughter was 34, she was refused when she tried to buy a lottery ticket and that was when you had to be 16!

She could still pass for a teenager now, at 37.

Also an eds family and we look younger than we are. No problems with that though, your work mates sound insensitive to not noticed how uncomfortable you felt about it.

You're so lucky, OP. When I was 12 years old, I was often mistaken for a woman in her 90s. Now I'm middle-aged, people keep coming up to me to ask if I was born in the early 18th Century. It's a bummer.

I was asked for id in a supermarket buying a bottle of wine when I was 40. I laughed, thinking they were joking, then it turned serious and I had no id on me. I had to leave the wine at the till and headed back to my car with dh and 3 children waiting. I felt a mixture of delight and disbelief!

YANBU, I've just turned 39 and look young for my age, which I actually like (although the wrinkles are creeping in now haha) but I'm also only 4'11 and I feel like I don't get taken seriously because people see me as a little kid.
I feel so self conscious especially if standing around a group of colleagues as I'm so small and feel ignored. They forget that I'm about to turn 40!
So definitely has it's good and bad points.

I went back to college a number of years back when I was 33 and there was a woman the same age as me in my class. Lots of people used to go on about how they could have sworn she was a teenager/ early 20s and somebody on my first day said to me Guess how old she is, you won’t believe it! She used to go on about it herself and she sort of dressed like a teenager. She had great skin and gave off a young overall impression but after I had a proper look at her, it was obvious she was at least 30.
I used to also get this a lot (not since I’ve become a mother, pretty much stopped overnight).
When I did work experience, they found out my age and kept on about how they thought I was ten years younger than I was and couldn’t believe it etc. It was embarrassing because the thing was I knew I didn’t actually look that young. I had some grey hairs and fine lines and that. I felt like they were all scrutinising me and putting me on the spot. Sometimes people seem to just do this to pick on someone, there’s often a tinge of nastiness to it that’s hard to put your finger on.
Having said that, For the most part, I did enjoy being mistaken for younger.
If I was actually refused alcohol because I had no ID. I used to say Look I’m well into my thirties, I don’t carry ID, they would take a closer look and then usually just sell it to me.
A few fellas in their early 20s asked me out in my 30s. One of them had the cheek to be horrified when I told him my age which was a bit embarrassing. Looking back I don’t think they really thought I was close to their age, they just didn’t care that I was older than them.
Anyway, I don’t think YABU in that it can be unpleasant sometimes to be mistaken for younger but in my experience it is mostly a good thing to look young with some downsides. It’s a lot better than being mistaken for much older! And it doesn’t last forever. If you are in your late 30s, 40s or 50s, I don’t believe that people are going to genuinely believe you’re a teenager or early 20s. I have known people who believe they look decades younger than they are and they really don’t.
But nobody should be disrespectful to you because of your age anyway. Even when people actually are very young, they deserve respect in the workplace.

I get it OP. I’m mid 40s and was asked for ID when buying wine a few months ago. I’m only 5ft 2 but I can definitely see a few wrinkles starting to appear. I love it these days but it wasn’t so great 15 years ago when I was asked for ID at my own 30th birthday party! 😂

you've possibly thought of this already, but have you tried compensating for how you look by dressing in a more mature way or getting a 'sensible' haircut? Not ideal but if looking young bothers you, it could be worth a try?