To be so embarrassed about this?

[TheLostNights]

Doing some work in a new department at a different base to cover staff absences.
All my life, I have been told I look incredibly young for my age. All my family do. My parents both look 10 years younger and my aunt who is in her fifties gets mistaken for early 40's.
Anyway, in a packed office one of the women called out and said 'How old are you? We have all been wondering.' I said 37 and there was a stunned silence and they asked me to repeat it so I did. Then it was all 'You're pulling my leg there is no way.' And 'WHAT?!' Literally the whole office was going mad at this revelation and I could feel myself getting redder and redder. I hate all the attention looking like a kid does. They all thought 22 or 23. I am 37 years old and sick of being treated like a kid. I knew they thought a lot younger previously as they asked me if I lived alone (not with a partner or kids) and kept calling me pet names. They were going on about it so much and looking at me as though I was like some weird freak amd even afterwards I could hear mini conversations going on about my age. Part of me is dreading going back on Monday. This is not a boast, who wants to look like a kid barely out of their teens when they are pushing 40? Who wants to be treated like a young kid by their peers because they assume you are so much younger than them? There's nothing to be envied about there.

It’s the others in the office/workplace that should be mortified- how incredibly rude
to ask your age
to shout it out as a question

When people look really young, it's always clear that they aren't actually really young by reference to things like:

• relationships/marriage
• home ownership
• children
• life experiences
• cultural preferences (music eras, fashion trends etc)
• interests
• family (ageing parents and so on)

I think your work mates must have their heads up their backsides to not have picked up ANY of these details about you.

OK I get your point, but how does your Aunt's situation manifest? Being mistaken for late 30's when she is 50's can barely ever be an issue?
Who even runs around randomly asking ages of other adults past the age of 20's, unless she is online dating? 🤔

How on earth do you know what "most people" think your age is?
Unless you ask everyone you meet "How old do you think I am?" which would be weird, I don't see how it would come up in conversation.
No one's ever asked me my age.

I had this too a year or so ago.

A colleague added me on Facebook and what surprised to see I had a 10 year old child. She asked me how old I was next time I saw her and I said 35. She thought I must of been a teenage mother apparently. She didn't stop going on about it for weeks.

I quite like looking younger but I find it frustrating that people automatically assume you aren't very experienced in your role at work for example.
Tbf my 10 year old is nearly as tall as me now

At the moment I don't often mind it - but then mine is self-induced (botox!)

When I talk about peri-menopause I get some odd responses and told I'm too young for that, no really I'm not! 😅

I feel for you OP.
have you experimented with makeup? Makeup can be used to age the face. Creating shadows can get rid of a baby face appearance.

These posts always go the same way, people with no experience of it disbelieving and insulting those who do. When your life and career experience doesn’t match the age people have assumed you are they ask questions. Talking about grandkids, the menopause, talking about a nightclub or band you used to watch, talking about when you went to university or the jobs you’ve done, talking about ‘big’ birthdays might raise an eyebrow. I’ve got a good idea how old most of the people in my office are through just talking to them and showing an interest in their lives. OP I hear you, it’s embarrassing and hard to know how to respond when one person says it but loads? I’d want the ground to open up.

I once knew someone who looked extremely young for her age, it's similar to being the tallest person in the room. Like the unkind teasing your office gave you, she struggled to gain the respect her job needed and it impacted on the choices she made for her career as people couldn't take her seriously. I'd say though that you've also internalised some of this dynamic. From now on, whenever someone raises your age, especially to aroomfull like that, do not engage. You can do this in friendly ways, even with "i get asked this a lot" with a 😉 and practice your boundary and social deflecting skills!

I used to get this all the time, people would think I was 12-15yrs younger. Until the menopause truly kicked in & my metabolism changed. Now I look my age. I don't care. My age is not who I am.

Sadly, you're right, generally it does...and it's horrible!!!

How on earth do you know what "most people" think your age is?
Unless you ask everyone you meet "How old do you think I am?" which would be weird, I don't see how it would come up in conversation.
No one's ever asked me my age.

I find they normally ask if you say something which doesn't go with your perceived age. So when I was discussing my DD leaving uni people asked, because they assumed my DD would be a lot younger.

No need to be embarrassed about something that's completely outside your control.

Lots of people are pretty bad at judging ages (I know I am). And when directly asked something like, "how old do you think I am" they're polite and take off a few years, to avoid their own potential embarrassment.

Shop staff, bus drivers etc. don't scrutinise faces, they just glance and make a snap judgement on height/body shape/hair/clothes etc.

Maybe try and take it as a compliment and accept it.

I personally don't feel I look that young (certainly don't feel it!) but I get this a lot too. Patients disbelieve me when I say I have an 18 year old, or they ask if I was a "gymslip mum" then are completely stunned when I say I was 27 😂
I don't and haven't ever found it embarrassing though I don't think. Just show my ID when I'm asked.

I agree about those two but Jared Leto definitely doesn’t look 50.

I wouldn’t have believed it either if it hadn’t happened to me. I’m used to people thinking I’m younger but I never asked them how old I look. So I was genuinely shocked when people I’ve studied with for 4 years thought I was late 20s. Including people of that age - you’d have think they at least have known?

But I don’t think how old people look is just about appearance, I think it’s also about how you carry yourself and behave. That’s why it’s not necessarily particularly flattering.

I have a round face and am always thought to be younger than I am.
Had my first dd at 34 and they thought I was a teen mum on the post natal ward 😳

I love looking younger and have never been embarrassed in the slightest.

I am quite short. I'm 5 ft 4 and also quite thin (and definitely flat chested!) so I suppose it's fairly easy to think I might be in my early twenties. The CEO of the company I used to work for was absolutely tiny and looked really really young but no-one ever seem to mention it and it didn't seem to hinder her at all. It could be because she was really confident and could be rather loud, or maybe when you get to CEO level people don't mess with you. 😂She was absolutely lovely though, and not afraid to be child like with her enthusiasm about the small things in life. And Marvel.

Haha, I just remembered when I was waiting for my bus a couple of years back and a builder I was chatting to thought I was on my way to college. 😯

My cousin is 60 and looks about 40. I remember being on the bus with her when she was pregnant and an old lady had a right go at her saying how disgusting it was to see a pregnant fourteen year old. Helen essentially ripped her a new arsehole, told her she was nearly 30, and even if she had been a pregnant teenager, what did it have to do with her or anyone else?

i look young for my age and I love it. I find it amusing, I was in asda and got ID’d for buying paracetamol at the age of 35. I didn’t have any ID (I was buying nappies and a new bits for the kids) so I was refused sale. I was in fits of laugher with the staff with a few saying tell us what face cream you use. Then just drove to our corner shop and got some no issue.

i could have quite easily been annoyed by this, they called over another member of staff and both made gasps noises then I said I was mid thirties. I feel like OP would have hated this. My mother also looks young for age and always got comments, she was never bothered. Make me
think your aunts response has maybe influenced you?

My thoughts are I can’t change the way I look, I can’t look older so I choose not to be annoyed.

i have been cat called by teenagers on bikes when I’m not with my kids with various other things, I get younger men asking me out (to be honest this was before covid when I went to bars…maybe need to try this out again) but it doesn’t bother me. I laugh about it.

At work it’s a bit more annoying but in a new team, I talk with confidence and mention my kids, make sure I wearing my wedding rings. We always do intro slides where I will say my experience and how long I’ve been working, specifically mentioning I started uni at a certain date so people can realise i am
older than they think.

OP i know what your saying, but you can’t change this. If you can accept you look young and that’s how people react the easier it is to be less annoyed. I didn’t want to spend my whole life being annoyed when other people would kill to look younger. There’s people who I have thought are 35 and they are only 25. I know which side of the fence I would rather be.

If this is real, the issue is with your attitude, not the fact you look young. Focus on things which you feel good about and think of how far worse you’d feel if you looked a couple of decades older than your real age. It’s a non problem the more you think about it,

I'm with you OP. I also look incredibly young and I have a 4 year old child, I get the 'you don't look old enough to have a child!' all the time.
It's an insecurity of mine I can feel building up especially when I meet new people, I feel like until I tell them my age they view me with a completely different lens.
However I try and remember that most people think it's a compliment to discuss how young I look, although I am always tempted to answer back 'and you look too old!'

That is awful!

Forgot to add my favourite story, just brought a large family home at 32, a few days someone knocked on the door and asked if my mum or dad was in, I think I was a bit confused but didn’t get time to say anything as my kids ran up shouting mummy. He was embarrassed but I thought it was funny 😁

Because people say ‘you don’t look x’ and some go on to say ‘I thought you were y’. Random people you don’t even know give you their opinions.

I went to renew my passport last year and the woman at the desk looked at me and looked at my forms and said: “You cannot be 50 years old”.

The weird thing is I really don’t care about ageing and I don’t understand why people are preoccupied with it. I don’t think people look worse for looking older.