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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go out if your child was on a sleepover?

138 replies

Bagpuss2022 · 10/09/2022 22:20

Dd has two friends stopping over one has been sick and is running a temp. We know the parents well girls been friends since reception now 12 y8 ,
I can’t get hold of either parent I saw earlier on fb they were at some gig I’m not opposed to parents going out when I have there children sleeping over but not to be able to get old of them and the Dad has posted on social media since i have called them both

of course I’m taking care of “Lilia” she’s laying on the sofa in the dining room with Netflix and a sick bowl I keep checking on her and she’s in the next room the other girls are upstairs I feel mean but I don’t want them both to come down with it too

wwyd? The poor girl just wants her mum and her bed

OP posts:
Violashift · 10/09/2022 22:57

I would go out but would have other family members on standby if I was at a gig or the like.

MrsJBaptiste · 10/09/2022 22:58

2pinkginsplease · 10/09/2022 22:29

No I wouldn’t go out if my child was at a sleepover.

god, my dd is 18 not long passed her test and I don’t have a drink or night out when she works as she needs to drive home at 2am and I worry she has a problem with the car and I need to get to her.

Really? She's 18!

Kite22 · 10/09/2022 22:59

Of course I'd go out.
It isn't always possible to be contactable.
You say they have been friends 8 years - and if they were friends from aged 4 then the parents would have presumably got to know each other well during that time.
They trust you to be able to cope for a few hours in the unlikely event there is an emergency.
If you are at a gig, you are quite likely not to be able to hear your phone and might not have signal.

CoolerThanIceCream · 10/09/2022 23:00

If you are at a gig, you are quite likely not to be able to hear your phone and might not have signal.

Maybe, if it’s 1998…..

Original poster
Bagpuss2022 · 10/09/2022 23:10

I’m at a gig next week GeorgeEzra and DD is stopping at grandmas I still will have my phone and checking it how else do you join in with the “lighter” songs and take cheesy selfies, she’s asleep the girls upstairs are not I’m going to wrap DDs presents and camp out on the lounge sofa DH has had two wines I don’t drink if we have other children over well apart from my nephew
hope she gets picked up at least early enough in the morning as we have a activity booked for the three girls at 11am and my DD would be devastated to cancel

OP posts:
wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 10/09/2022 23:15

Just text CONTACT ME NOW!!! In capitals like this.

That will appear on their Home Screen. They might be videoing the gig so should see it.

SpinningFloppa · 10/09/2022 23:17

Of course it’s fine to go out if your kids are on a sleep over; such a weird way to word it! They should be able to be contacted but it’s fine to go out.

TwinkleChristmas · 10/09/2022 23:19

It’s fine to go out

bur they must be ignoring you. Specially the dad if he’s posted on social media since.
I wouldn’t be very impressed about that and I’d write on his fb wall+messenger.

TwinkleChristmas · 10/09/2022 23:20

Is the gig actually far from you?

They might have a hotel booked if you were having there daughter all morning tomorrow (presumed as you said you had a activity booked at 11) so weren't expecting to pick her up anytime before mid day I guess.

TwinkleChristmas · 10/09/2022 23:24

Kite22 · 10/09/2022 22:59

Of course I'd go out.
It isn't always possible to be contactable.
You say they have been friends 8 years - and if they were friends from aged 4 then the parents would have presumably got to know each other well during that time.
They trust you to be able to cope for a few hours in the unlikely event there is an emergency.
If you are at a gig, you are quite likely not to be able to hear your phone and might not have signal.

The dad clearly has signal as he’s posted on social media since the OP tried to call and his phone rang out… so he’s ignoring her.

and if someone has your child for the night then you should always be contactable.

Original poster
Bagpuss2022 · 10/09/2022 23:25

TwinkleChristmas · 10/09/2022 23:20

Is the gig actually far from you?

They might have a hotel booked if you were having there daughter all morning tomorrow (presumed as you said you had a activity booked at 11) so weren't expecting to pick her up anytime before mid day I guess.

No it’s at same venue as my gig next week which of 30 mins from our town

OP posts:
Noteverybodylives · 10/09/2022 23:28

If she’s asleep then I’d probably leave it.

Just send a text saying she’s feeling poorly and it’s up to them if they want to pick her up or not.

I’ve been sick on many sleepovers but I never went home.

They should absolutely be contactable but if they’re at a gig then they’re not going to be constantly checking their phones, so it depends how long you’ve been trying to get in touch.

She’s also older and more responsible so you’re less likely to be concerned than if she was much younger and you’re checking your phone constantly.

Original poster
Bagpuss2022 · 10/09/2022 23:34

Noteverybodylives · 10/09/2022 23:28

If she’s asleep then I’d probably leave it.

Just send a text saying she’s feeling poorly and it’s up to them if they want to pick her up or not.

I’ve been sick on many sleepovers but I never went home.

They should absolutely be contactable but if they’re at a gig then they’re not going to be constantly checking their phones, so it depends how long you’ve been trying to get in touch.

She’s also older and more responsible so you’re less likely to be concerned than if she was much younger and you’re checking your phone constantly.

not ideal it’s my DDs birthday tomorrow and if she doesn’t get collected we can’t do the £££ activity I’m very confident with looking after sick kids two of mine have serious medical conditions
luckily we are very close to this friend slept over many times the DP have form hit nothing like this

OP posts:
shazshaz · 10/09/2022 23:41

I think the parents are ignoring you. You have tried to get hold of both before the dad posted on social media. Surely he would have seen notifications of missed phone calls & what's app messages. There's no way the mum hasn't pulled out her phone to take at least one photo & seen similar notifications. They're taking advantage of you and more importantly are shit parents.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 10/09/2022 23:41

2pinkginsplease · 10/09/2022 22:29

No I wouldn’t go out if my child was at a sleepover.

god, my dd is 18 not long passed her test and I don’t have a drink or night out when she works as she needs to drive home at 2am and I worry she has a problem with the car and I need to get to her.

Oh dear.

TheChosenTwo · 10/09/2022 23:57

Yes I’d go out if I fancied it but I’d be contactable and checking My phone.
we once had a child here who was being sick, I called at about 10 just after I’d cleared up and settled the girl (who is lovely and still a good friend of dds), no one answered. I sent a text about an hour later after the second bout of sick. Still no one answered.
At about midnight I had a really sheepish call from them apologising profusely but they had been at the pub and just got home etc - at that point the girl was asleep and I said to just leave her now and I would bring her back in the morning, poor little sausage! No harm done in the end, I dropped her back, she had stopped being sick and slept well after the second sickness at least!
Hope you at least hear from someone soon and that the other kids don’t get sick 😳
maybe just go round there in the morning and deliver her to her parents! Hope your dd has a good birthday tomorrow.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/09/2022 00:05

I’d go out locally, somewhere where I was contactable and able to get back quickly to dd/ds.

I wouldn’t go to a gig 30 mins away and not answer my phoneя.

Zonder · 11/09/2022 00:09

Poor child. Hope it was a bloody good gig. Only something like a full Beatles reunion including the resurrection of Lennon would warrant ignoring the person looking after your sick child.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 11/09/2022 00:14

I would comment on the puic page

Call me NOW its about Your DD.

Guarantee some nosy real-time/ gran etc will be on it like fire.

I would no longer give any shits about any of them with your DD birthday at risk.

melj1213 · 11/09/2022 00:31

YANBU to expect the parents to be at least contactable if their kid is on a sleep over but surely the girl has contact details for another family member who could come and collect her? In the same way an emergency contact at nursery/school would work, all you'd have to do is message the parents to say "Jane has been sick all evening, called you but no answer so she called Granny Smith who came to collect her." By Y8 age she should be more than capable of knowing which other family members she can contact in case of emergency if her parents aren't responding.

If my DD was on a sleepover and got sick and neither I or ExDH were available/contactable then DD would more than likely contact one of her grandparents to collect her. She knows her bff's family well but I know she would be miserable at her friends house with just the bff's parents for comfort (which would not be the parents fault at all) if she was ill and would definitely be more comfortable at her grandparents house.

Original poster
Bagpuss2022 · 11/09/2022 00:37

She’s been sick again and now runs the. Mum has messaged saying on way home but can’t get there DD as both had a drink I’m happy to look after her and drop her off at 9am she was very apologetic think I’m in for a long night

OP posts:
Macaroni1924 · 11/09/2022 00:40

You are a better person than me id be fuming 😤 That’s appalling get a taxi and collect your daughter who needs you!

kimchifox · 11/09/2022 00:41

You are being so kind! Flowers

I guess they can't really put her in a taxi the state she's in even if they came to get her in one but even so you are acting like a saint, I'd be a bit Ragey I think! Good luck!

MrsOosh77 · 11/09/2022 00:47

If you haven’t had a drink drop her home so that you can at least get 6/7 hours solid sleep in before your activities tomorrow

FrecklesMalone · 11/09/2022 00:49

100% I go out. I have other people's kids over loads so they can go out and visa versa. Can't afford babysitters!