To not accept this holiday as I can’t afford the tip?

[SillyFood]

I recently inherited some money and I used most of it to pay a large chunk of the mortgage but put £10k of it aside and have booked a proper holiday of a lifetime to Thailand in October for myself and dc. My aunt, who I inherited the money from had always made me promise I’d spend a chunk of it on a big treat for myself that I’d never normally do so that’s exactly what I’ve done.

DH and I are divorced but I’m still pretty close to his family. His SIL works in the travel industry and has very kindly been helping me organise this holiday. She’s booked us various excursions that I couldn’t work out how to do and got us some amazing discounts on hotels which I’m truly grateful for. When I first starting talking to her about it one of the things she suggested was a sailing charter. They looked absolutely amazing but, although I could just about stretch to the cost of the charter itself (about £4k 😱) she said that tips of 10-20% are pretty much expected so I ruled it out and booked other stuff instead. The trip is now pretty much completely booked, all excursions paid for or deposit down and it’s cost £8,200 so I’ve got £1800 left to spend when we’re out there.

Yesterday ex SIL phoned me up to say that ex MIL was going to be calling that afternoon and that she suspected she had some news that I wouldn’t like. Ex MIL calls me and tells me excitedly that she’s booked the sailing charter for us for the holiday as she really wanted to spoil her GC’s, she didn’t want to wait until she was dead for us to have a treat and that she knew we really wanted to do it but couldn’t afford it. I told her that we had everything booked now, that it was in a different part of the country to where we’ll be on the date she’s booked it and I didn’t know if I’d be able to get everything refunded/ deposit back. She brushed this aside and said she’d send me the link, that she’d paid for it and once I saw it then she knew that I’d love it.

The link is to a charter on a bloody super yacht. Looking at the prices I think she’s spent an absolute minimum of £10k on the 3 day charter. The original one we were looking at was sailing on a traditional boat, going to nature reserves and snorkelling. This is suggesting casinos, nightlife, possible firework displays for an extra £4k, a proper chef when my kids only eat beige food. Ex PIL are not rich. I do not know why they have done this. Even if I cancel the 3 nights accommodation that I’ve booked and rearrange the whole thing so that I’m in the place I need to be for this bloody boat I still need to cut back spending so I’ve got an extra £2-3k for tips. I am so grateful that she’s thinking of us but it is neither what I want to do or what I can afford.

I’ve tried speaking to her and she just isn’t listening. She’s adamant in doing it because I’m uncomfortable accepting such a large gift (which is a part of it tbh). SIL is going to try and speak to her but I don’t know if she’ll manage to get through to her. I don’t think I’m being ungrateful but I would genuinely rather she donate the money to charity than spend it on something that makes this holiday that I’m so looking forward to into something I don’t want.

LOL at the people saying the OP has been ripped off at £8.5k.

There are luxury holidays and then there are Luxury holidays. I would have no trouble at all spending that much on a couple of weeks adventure in Thailand.

You are also quite right that tips are very much expected/relied on in Thailand OP. A shame your ExMIL didn't check first. I hope she comes through with the flight upgrades.

@Annoyingkidsmusic OP has said numerous times her sil is not a travel agent
And also as she is going with her dc she wants to pre book trips

🙄🙄 You don't even know what OP is doing or where she's staying. Give over.

I don’t doubt it is possible to have done it cheaper. As I’ve already said though I want the reassurance of knowing the excursions I want to do are available on the dates I want to do them and with a reputable company that is suitable for me to use as a single female with youngish kids. Stuff like internal flights, trains etc would definitely be cheaper but I have paid extra for stuff like a room in the sleeper train just for us so we’re not with a stranger, booking seats together on the internal flights, arranging transfers rather than grabbing a taxi at the airport. I’m confident I’ve got a good deal on most of the stuff I’ve booked and I’ve saved well over £2k by SIL booking the hotels using her discount. It’s not the way everyone would want to do it but I’m the kind of person that will find the whole thing a lot more enjoyable not having to worry about this stuff once we’re out there.

I haven’t heard from MIL yet but I’m really hoping she chooses to either do the flight upgrade or keep the money to spend on herself/ something else for dc. We’re flying with Singapore Airlines, I may have spent the last hour or so looking at the stuff you get flying business class and it looks flipping amazing.

It's just a different business model - your comment 'how did we get here' suggests thus us some sort of new invention - it's actually the opposite. Commercial transactions which involve multiple people would unsurprisingly require multiple payments - a penny for the delivery boy - a single payment which everyone behind the scenes getting compensated in line with a fair salary as outlined in an employment contract has taken hundreds of years of campaigning for workers rights.

It is an additional overhead, but pretending this isn't completely normal all over the world is quite naive

Even in the US the total price advertised in supermarkets doesn't include tax - which varies by state

OP, travelling around by sleeper train rather than internal flights sounds absolutely lovely! What a fantastic way to see the country. Hope you all have an amazing trip (and that you get your upgrades!) 🙂

I‘ve travelled all over Thailand on frequent trips over the past 15 years and currently planning my next trip. Like everywhere else, prices have gone up since pre-pandemic times, so perhaps it’s not fair for posters to compare prices of their previous holidays to Thailand unless it was very recent. My first trip in 2010 was to a 5 star resort, in a suite with own hot tub on the balcony, full board at £1200 including flights for a week.
I was a nervous Traveller and had never been to South East Asia and was afraid to brush my teeth with tap water (still not recommended) and refused ice cubes in my drink. I made sure I had all the recommended jabs 2 months before, I booked expensive excursions and spa treatments though the hotel as I didn’t want to take any risks.
I absolute hated that holiday, as I’m not that comfortable with luxury and service and people hovering to pour you a glass of water.
All other trips I organised myself, the second year I went backpacking and discovered some amazing non-touristy islands. Other years when I travelled with my partner or family I booked 4 star resorts / villas with own pools and excursions direct with a local office at a fraction of the cost compared to my first trip.
Also I prefer flying rather than the sleeper train, more comfortable and quicker. internal flights are between £30- £80 and are incredibly efficient with mostly new planes from my experience. Bangkok and Koh Samui are places I wouldn’t visit again, I personally found them too busy, touristy and commercial and there are more beautiful islands. The only recommendation would be to maybe go in February when the weather is nicer, October and even November can still be really rainy. Plus also get your tetanus booster and make sure your passport has at least 6 months validity.
You won’t have any trouble as a woman travelling on your own, always confirm prices of taxis / transfers , purchases before hand and make sure the price is per trip, not per person. Most transactions are open to negotiations, it’s almost expected as long as it’s reasonable and not a piss take. Always be respectful.

Why is it so hard for some posters to understand that the OP has possibly paid a bit of a premium for the convenience of NOT having to do all the organising/research/bartering/mental load of sorting excursions and internal travel whilst she's there?! Or to understand that some prices may have risen dramatically over the past few years? Or that she has specific preferences for hotels and therefore may have paid a bit more than other people who didn't have the same criteria? OP you must be exhausted every time you open this thread 😁 (although you've had some really good advice on here too)

To everyone saying the OP is getting ripped off, just to put things into perspective, flights would be at least a grand pp and the pound is really low against the baht right now, which will push costs up.

It's just a different business model - your comment 'how did we get here' suggests thus us some sort of new invention - it's actually the opposite. Commercial transactions which involve multiple people would unsurprisingly require multiple payments - a penny for the delivery boy - a single payment which everyone behind the scenes getting compensated in line with a fair salary as outlined in an employment contract has taken hundreds of years of campaigning for workers rights.

No, I'm not suggesting it's a new invention at all. I'm thinking way back, when people used to barter, before money (as we know it) started to be a thing. I truly cannot imagine somebody agreeing to exchange, say, 40 carrots for a bag of grain, and then getting huffy when they weren't arbitrarily given 45 carrots - even though it never occurred to them for a moment that they could/should also arbitrarily have given a 10% bigger bag of grain than was agreed.

I know it's a different business model, but I think as long as we continue to refer to it as 'tipping' and use that to deliberately obscure the true price, it's a dishonest model - both to the customer and to the workers. You'll notice that the people with the power in the transactions never 'request' a 'tip' for their own part of the income, in the same way that they expect the lower-paid staff to have to merely hope they'll earn a certain amount rather than having the security of a fixed wage for doing the agreed job to a good standard.

How can deliberately obscuring prices be an honourable thing? Do you think that these places that prey on the elderly and disabled - the ones where a '£6,000' adjustable chair (actually worth less than £1,000) can be done for a 'super bargain deal' of 'only' £3,500 with a call to the boss, but only if you sign up today - are honourable?

I've no objection to charging structures that don't have you paying a single all-in price in one bill, but it's all about honesty. By all means say "the yacht hire will be £X, payable to us, then you'll need to pay £X direct to the cook for your meals; and then you'll have to pay the cleaner £X....". It's the use of the meaningless word 'tip' - which suggests that it's entirely optional - and the coyness around how much and whom you will also need to pay, or often no actual mention that there are extra charges that aren't included, and then complaints and badmouthing you if you happen not to realise that.

Also, what's with the percentage thing? I get it for things like estate agents, where they're working on incentive-based commission; but even then, they clearly state what that commission is upfront and don't leave you to guess what they're expecting and call it a 'tip'. Percentage wages based on the value of the meal you bring from the kitchen or the price-per-night of the room you clean - effectively a kind of tax to rinse the wealthier just because they can afford it - are ludicrous. Can you imagine somebody working in accounts payable expecting a big bonus on their wages, just because they happen to process a particularly large invoice for payment, whereas they only get a few pennies for all of the dozens of invoices they deal with for stationery and biscuits?

Yep op and others are right that I have no idea what hotels and excursions etc were booked.

I priced up 3 places including koh samui, Bangkok and Chang mai with lots of excursions, transport, food at restaurants and 4 star hotels.

We will hopefully take this trip next year.

Anyway all this doesn't matter, I hope you enjoy your holiday, op.

These comments are so weird.
Why would the OP want to go and barter with locals to get the cheapest excursions? She has a £10k budget!
She wants to have a stress-free, comfortable, enjoyable holiday of a lifetime with her two young children.
Who would choose to scrabble around getting everything for the lowest cost possible in those circumstances? She isn't a backpacker on a gap year

@Nelia5 …OP has booked their trip already

Sounds like you've hopefully got a compromise. You don't need to justify how much it is to anyone, have a bloody fantastic time! x

That sounds like an awesome compromise - and your conversation with your sister ( in law? Can’t remember off the top of my head!) sounds awesome - I panicked in case she did something else mad 🤣🤣

have a brilliant brilliant time

Presumably she booked with SIL so get her to cancel it ajd use the £10i for some spenders

I have travelled extensively in Thailand and go there regularly.
Firstly, I think u have been ill advised by your sister in law! She must be getting some type of commission on this ridiculously high priced holiday. I am having a luxury holiday to Thailand next month,her prices are crazy!!
Your ex mother in law meant well,but it is not what u want!
your aunt wanted u to have a great holiday! With no pressures.
You must write a pleasant note to MIL thanking her for her kindness but say it does not fit in with your plans. It is up to her whether she gets any money back.
Have a good holiday but don’t be held to ransom with your relatives.

@turningpurpleygreen no, SIL didn’t help MIL book the charter or she’d have told her that it wasn’t something I wanted to do and it wasn’t leaving from a place I was at at the time she booked for.

@Maryminx for possibly the millionth time - SIL is not making any commission and isn’t a travel agent. Which prices do you think my SIL has given me that are crazy? The only thing she’s got me a direct discount on are the hotels in Bangkok and Koh Samui - both of them are about £700 per night and she’s got them for me for around £100. Everything else she’s helped me sort has just been recommendations from people who work at the hotels and colleagues who work over in Thailand. I’ve been to Thailand twice before, although pre kids, and I’m happy with the price I’m paying.

MIL is wanting to do flight upgrades for us! I’m super excited now. We get to use the lounge, get proper beds on the plane and the food looks amazing. The one bit of the holiday that I wasn’t looking forward to I’m now super excited about. I’m not going to tell dc that we’re going in the posh seats so it will be a surprise for them 😄

Fantastic OP, so glad its worked out for you in the end, although be aware that once youve "turned left" you'll never want to go back to economy again!!!!

Fantastic update! What a wonderful surprise it will be for your kids. So glad it worked out without any rancor.

I'm traveling to Hawaii in business class with the private pods and fold-down beds in December; SO excited. Planning to upgrade my attire a bit from the jeans/T I generally wear on the plane. And get there early to enjoy the use of the club. :) I'm nearly 60 so this may be a once-in-a-lifetime ride.

Bon voyage!

Fantastic news, have a wonderful time.

Planning to upgrade my attire a bit from the jeans/T I generally wear on the plane.

There's really no need, unless you're doing so for your own benefit.

If anything I wear more comfortable/less formal outfits as, unless on an airline who still give out PJs for overnight flights, you're likely to be sleeping in whatever you board in.

I'm sure you'll love it either way, though!

I’m glad you’ve sorted it, that was nuts!!!

As you’re now doing your original boat and snorkelling trip… can I ask if that’s from Koh Samui to the Ang Thong Marine Park? Because the islands are beautiful, but the place they take you snorkelling (from the biggest boat operator I saw) on the island with the visitor centre is AWFUL. You won’t see a thing. It’s a small roped off shallow area with dead coral and everyone kicking up sand in the same place. It’s a lovely trip - especially the kayaking option - but snorkelling? No. Even the tour operator announced to us as we disembarked to lower our expectations! So enjoy the trip for what it is and don’t stoke the kids up about snorkelling - or if that’s a must have, swerve Ang Thong and book Koh Tao trip instead!

It's for my own benefit. I started flying overseas in 1973 when even as children we dressed up quite a bit for the flight (my dad's employer paid for first class back then...nothing like BA from London to Rio in the 747 back in those days; they even had a maitre d' in the forward cabin.) Mom would wear a short dress, pantyhose and heels even for an 11-hour flight; dad always wore a jacket and pants, and nice shirt. We were in mod little dresses and sandals with low heels, or in winter a pant suit with flared trousers and a jacket.

Still can't bring myself to wear athletic clothing on a plane, though my standards have dropped considerably.. ;)