To not accept this holiday as I can’t afford the tip?

[SillyFood]

I recently inherited some money and I used most of it to pay a large chunk of the mortgage but put £10k of it aside and have booked a proper holiday of a lifetime to Thailand in October for myself and dc. My aunt, who I inherited the money from had always made me promise I’d spend a chunk of it on a big treat for myself that I’d never normally do so that’s exactly what I’ve done.

DH and I are divorced but I’m still pretty close to his family. His SIL works in the travel industry and has very kindly been helping me organise this holiday. She’s booked us various excursions that I couldn’t work out how to do and got us some amazing discounts on hotels which I’m truly grateful for. When I first starting talking to her about it one of the things she suggested was a sailing charter. They looked absolutely amazing but, although I could just about stretch to the cost of the charter itself (about £4k 😱) she said that tips of 10-20% are pretty much expected so I ruled it out and booked other stuff instead. The trip is now pretty much completely booked, all excursions paid for or deposit down and it’s cost £8,200 so I’ve got £1800 left to spend when we’re out there.

Yesterday ex SIL phoned me up to say that ex MIL was going to be calling that afternoon and that she suspected she had some news that I wouldn’t like. Ex MIL calls me and tells me excitedly that she’s booked the sailing charter for us for the holiday as she really wanted to spoil her GC’s, she didn’t want to wait until she was dead for us to have a treat and that she knew we really wanted to do it but couldn’t afford it. I told her that we had everything booked now, that it was in a different part of the country to where we’ll be on the date she’s booked it and I didn’t know if I’d be able to get everything refunded/ deposit back. She brushed this aside and said she’d send me the link, that she’d paid for it and once I saw it then she knew that I’d love it.

The link is to a charter on a bloody super yacht. Looking at the prices I think she’s spent an absolute minimum of £10k on the 3 day charter. The original one we were looking at was sailing on a traditional boat, going to nature reserves and snorkelling. This is suggesting casinos, nightlife, possible firework displays for an extra £4k, a proper chef when my kids only eat beige food. Ex PIL are not rich. I do not know why they have done this. Even if I cancel the 3 nights accommodation that I’ve booked and rearrange the whole thing so that I’m in the place I need to be for this bloody boat I still need to cut back spending so I’ve got an extra £2-3k for tips. I am so grateful that she’s thinking of us but it is neither what I want to do or what I can afford.

I’ve tried speaking to her and she just isn’t listening. She’s adamant in doing it because I’m uncomfortable accepting such a large gift (which is a part of it tbh). SIL is going to try and speak to her but I don’t know if she’ll manage to get through to her. I don’t think I’m being ungrateful but I would genuinely rather she donate the money to charity than spend it on something that makes this holiday that I’m so looking forward to into something I don’t want.

The flight was the one bit of the trip I’ve not been looking forward to. I’d bloody love it if she could get us the posh seats. I’m super excited now.

£8.2k is a rip off. I priced up similar and it was around £5k. It would have been so much better for you to book hotel and flights. Then get the details from the sil about the excursions and book the transport and day trips in Thailand. Probably 70% cheaper.

You can't possibly know whether OP has achieved value for money or not because you have no idea of the full details of her itinerary and accomodation.

This sounds extremely expensive. Me and my dp spent 5 weeks in Thailand a few years ago travelling the length and breadth of the country (Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Phuket, Ko Phangan, Koh Tai, Koa Samui, Krabi) taking lots of flights and ferries and staying in some really lovely hotels including 5 star ones. We spent around 2k in total and didn’t by any means do things cheaply. Thailand really is an extremely cheap country so it’s shocking to me that your trip is costing 8k!

@flirtygirl how have you booked similar? You have no idea what hotels I’m staying at, which excursions I’m doing or where I’m flying from. The hotel, flights and excursions have all been booked separately. I’d be amazed if you could get the hotels I’m staying at in Bangkok and Koh Samui cheaper - they’re advertised for around £700 per night on their website and booking.com for the standard of rooms we’re staying in and SIL got them for just over £100 per night with her employee discount. As I’ve already said, SIL isn’t a travel agent, she works in supply chain for a group of hotels and has used her employee discount and spoken to people who work at the hotels who have put her in contact with people to book the excursions through, again for much cheaper than they’re advertised online. SIL is in no way benefitting financially or otherwise from doing this, she’s helping me out because she’s nice.

Absolutely agree. I think it’d be quite an achievement to spend 8k on a Thai holiday

I’ve chartered yachts before (certainly not “super” ones) but you’re looking at starting prices of £1800 per day for a 45-50ft with 3-4 crew.

Typically you’ll be asked a few days in advance to choose a menu and also to provide drinks and snacks list. Generally everything is billable, although I have seen options where your three meals are included, unsurprisingly the day rate is then more.

And you absolutely have to tip.

Considering you have absolutely no idea what accomodation the OP has booked to stay in or what exactly her excursions are you can’t possibly comment on whether she’s paid the right price.

I backpacked round Thailand for a few months and spent very very little, nowhere near £5k but that doesn’t mean that you can’t spend more for luxury if you can afford it.

Thailand really is an extremely cheap country so it’s shocking to me that your trip is costing 8k!

Not really. You can spend $30 a night on budget accommodation on the main strip on chaweng beach or you can spend (at least) 10 times that at the four seasons or six senses.

Going by below the deck , programme on tv about super yachts etc and charters the tip seems to be what the staff work for

Tbf we just chartered a ctarmaran foe 4 hrs and still tipped 10%

As I said I spent 5 weeks in lots of different areas of Thailand staying in some beautiful 5 star hotels. We spent a fraction of the cost the op has stated and we did excursions every other day for the duration.

@Libre55 no and if i ever win the euros thats what i plan to spend it on , have it all worked out in my head , what i can order , do etc . Daydreaming at its best

@Nelia5 £8500 for oP and her dc sounds reasonable with trips flights hotels, and super yachts don't have a rainy season discount

I have started watching Below Deck after someone mentioned it earlier and it does look a hoot tbf. My kids would definitely not appreciate it though!

@RoutineLow exactly or how many dc etc
I mean i can stay in a hotel in brighton for £100 or £1000
People on here often say I only pay this or that but rarely can link

@Lacey247 you got all that for £2000 , please link the flights you used , hotels etc

@Lacey247 please link the hotels you stayed in , especially 5 star ones ?
I mean flights you got as well as they must if only been a couple hundred each ?

We stayed in the sandalwood and the lamai in Koh Samui and the banyan tree in Bangkok. Lots of other luxury/beach front hotels in the smaller islands. Flights around Thailand were incredibly cheap £20/£30 a time.

Have you watched the programme, Below Deck ? They expect a £25k in cash tip for a four day trip, it's ludicrous.

As I said I spent 5 weeks in lots of different areas of Thailand staying in some beautiful 5 star hotels. We spent a fraction of the cost the op has stated

Which ones? The OPs budget for your five weeks works out at less than £250 per day. Without flights. I simply don’t believe you had the sort of luxury holiday the OP is planning for a fraction of her budget.

All of this is so utterly far fetched, it cannot be true.
If your sil is truly a travel agent, she would 100% be telling you to book your excursions yourself in Thailand with the locals, and barter for the best price. If not, she’s lost you a considerable amount of money.

As for the charter sail situation…. I don’t even know where to begin

What about the flights from the UK to Thailand and back? As the OP's budget includes that. I doubt you'd get what she describes for anything like what you claim, even if you went for "downmarket" so-called 5* hotels.
We paid almost twice as much for 4 of us in 2019. Staying in Phuket for a night either end, and 8 nights in Koh Yao Yai. Villa with private pool and jacuzzi. All inclusive. We did fly business as a special treat, but with Qatar airlines that was less expensive than Premium Economy on other airlines (and earned us silver cards with BA which are valid until next year as they were extended through Covid).

OP, I hope your MIL can get you flight upgrades! Business class on Qatar, with private pods (small private "rooms") with super comfy chairs that turned into flat beds, amazing food and drink and the latest movies on tap was the highlight of the holiday for our teenagers!

Stuff like this annoys me to no end. SOrry you 've been put in this situation.

You’ll have to tell her you don’t intend to go on what she’s booked, and she’ll have to cancel it.
A gift that someone absolutely doesn’t want isn’t a kind gift.