DIL has a few mental health issues and takes numerous medication. She sometimes appears very quiet and vacant, I understand this is probably the side effects of her medication.
DH and I are always friendly and ask her if she’s ok, try and make polite conversation etc. Last week they visited and she was particularly ‘off’. I asked if she was ok and she just glanced and muttered something then looked away. She spent the rest of the visit silent.
On the phone later I said to my son, if she doesn’t feel like she wants to engage in conversation that’s fine, but it makes me uncomfortable that she just sits there silently. Maybe she shouldn’t visit if she doesn’t want to engage in conversation and hopefully we can see her when she’s feeling a bit better.
We have tried to support her but she won’t discuss anything with us, which of course is her choice, but makes it harder for us to understand and support her.
Today we were at a family function and she blanked both DH and I. We tried to make conversation and she just looked at us like something she’d trodden in and ignored us.
DH said to DS why is she so rude to us? And he said because she felt we should apologise for suggesting she shouldn’t visit if she’s going to sit there in silence.
im not sure who is being unreasonable?
AIBU?
DIL is really miserable
UppityDIL · 10/09/2022 16:32
Am I being unreasonable?
1314 votes. Final results.
POLLPorcupineintherough · 10/09/2022 18:07
@mathanxiety a better parallel would be if the dil had broken her leg and then insisted on joining the family for a hike and then just sat on the ground unable to move. Which again would be unreasonable.
Oopsilot · 10/09/2022 18:25
But there’s a way to say it @ClocksGoingBackwards
look at the previous page to @saraclara version. It’s a lot kinder and more understanding than the op saying ‘don’t come if you don’t want to talk’.
eighteenmonthstogo · 10/09/2022 18:29
As someone married to a man with 'MH issues' (Bipolar and Anxiety) I can tell you right here that MH and fucking rude arsehole behaviour are not mutually exclusive. ! Having MH issues has recently been seen as a 'jet out of jail free card' . It's not.
The reason I know this ? Because if he is required to do something he doesn't fancy (usually family stuff) .. then he will be a moody shitty arse and everyone has to tippytoe around him because he's not well.... and yet, when that obligation is fulfilled and we move on to do something he likes with friends then he is all happiness and light.
It's highly manipulative and extremely annoying. So I like you OP have said 'if it makes you unhappy to spend time with your/my extended family either come and be gracious and make an effort or don't come. Don't ruin it for everyone and make all and sundry tie themselves in knots trying to make you happy . Leave us to it. You will have a better time and so will we. (However I think he continues to come because he likes all the attention. )
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eighteenmonthstogo · 10/09/2022 18:29
As someone married to a man with 'MH issues' (Bipolar and Anxiety) I can tell you right here that MH and fucking rude arsehole behaviour are not mutually exclusive. ! Having MH issues has recently been seen as a 'jet out of jail free card' . It's not.
The reason I know this ? Because if he is required to do something he doesn't fancy (usually family stuff) .. then he will be a moody shitty arse and everyone has to tippytoe around him because he's not well.... and yet, when that obligation is fulfilled and we move on to do something he likes with friends then he is all happiness and light.
It's highly manipulative and extremely annoying. So I like you OP have said 'if it makes you unhappy to spend time with your/my extended family either come and be gracious and make an effort or don't come. Don't ruin it for everyone and make all and sundry tie themselves in knots trying to make you happy . Leave us to it. You will have a better time and so will we. (However I think he continues to come because he likes all the attention. )
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