DIL is really miserable

[UppityDIL]

DIL has a few mental health issues and takes numerous medication. She sometimes appears very quiet and vacant, I understand this is probably the side effects of her medication.

DH and I are always friendly and ask her if she’s ok, try and make polite conversation etc. Last week they visited and she was particularly ‘off’. I asked if she was ok and she just glanced and muttered something then looked away. She spent the rest of the visit silent.

On the phone later I said to my son, if she doesn’t feel like she wants to engage in conversation that’s fine, but it makes me uncomfortable that she just sits there silently. Maybe she shouldn’t visit if she doesn’t want to engage in conversation and hopefully we can see her when she’s feeling a bit better.

We have tried to support her but she won’t discuss anything with us, which of course is her choice, but makes it harder for us to understand and support her.

Today we were at a family function and she blanked both DH and I. We tried to make conversation and she just looked at us like something she’d trodden in and ignored us.

DH said to DS why is she so rude to us? And he said because she felt we should apologise for suggesting she shouldn’t visit if she’s going to sit there in silence.

im not sure who is being unreasonable?

[ddl1]

@RampantIvy

Perhaps those who regard people with a mental illness as having the right to behave with impunity without regard to others - should perhaps try living with such a person before talking.

Well said @eighteenmonthstogo

I would agree if it was about someone being physically aggressive, or even having verbal tantrums. But it's about the DIL being withdrawn and uncommunicative. That is often a symptom of being mentally unwell, and does not harm others, unless the others feel that they have to get the person to talk to them.

I have a friend who has bipolar disorder. When 'low', she sometimes sits silently for long periods, without being able to summon the energy to speak or move. When 'high', she sometimes chatters incessantly so that others can't get a word in edgeways. Both of these states can be awkward for others; but I would never call her 'uppity', or consider the concept of 'moral impunity' to be relevant one way or the other.

[Whokno]

There's a nice story on the BBC today about the Queen (surprise!) A chap went to see her but was suffering from PTSD and couldn't speak. So she invited the corgis in and they spent 20 minutes feeding the dogs. To me that's how you deal with someone who doesn't want to or can't talk.

I agree mental illness is no excuse for being rude. But being silent in a family home is not rude. Complaining to someone's spouse that their mental illness made you feel uncomfortable is rude. You were rude first.