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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my bridesmaids to contribute towards there make up

140 replies

helloits · 10/09/2022 12:53

I am getting married soon and would like the opinions on whether it's reasonable for me to ask my 4 bridesmaids to pay £20 towards having their make up done on my wedding day? Overall it's £60 each so I would pay the rest and be saving £80 in total. I am going to pay for their hair as well.
The reason I ask is I have been bridesmaid for 3 of them (the most recent one being a few months ago) and they paid for both hair and makeup and didn't ask for any contribution.
We have a budget for our wedding and I don't want to go over that so trying to save where I can.

OP posts:
Mabelstearooms · 10/09/2022 15:26

I've read the whole thread so know it's a reverse.
I asked my own if they wanted it done they would need to pay for themselves. I paid for their dresses, shoes, coverups etc. i worked a minimum wage job at time and had a small, cheap ish wedding. Only one of them wanted it doing professionally, and the rest did their own make up, which was fine with me. No one was annoyed. No one accused me of 'being tight' or unreasonable. No one was gritting their teeth.
When I've been a bridesmaid I was happy to pay for myself too. No one is forcing you to pay it. No one forced you to pay for 2 nights stay away, 2 hen do's or for a wedding gift. No one is forcing you to even be a bridesmaid so if it's so bad that you have to grit your teeth then maybe you should reconsider.

mam0918 · 10/09/2022 15:28

Just don't require make up and say if they wan't it they can pay themselves, as long as you arent demanding they have a certain type/look of make up then its not part of the wedding just their own choices.

My best friend is getting married soon and announced she is paying for our make up as a gift, honestly I would rather she didn't (but I dont want to rock the both since thats what SHE wants) but honestly I HATE people putting make up on me.

I have a monolid and they ALWAYS get it wrong making me look like I have tiny squinty eye and my skin colour is almost impossible to match to so I end up looking orange where as I buy specific stuff for my awkward skin and have been doing my make up for over 20 years I know what works for my awkward face.

womaninatightspot · 10/09/2022 15:29

rainyskylight · 10/09/2022 13:11

I just don’t understand this at all. A wedding is a long day. If you end up crying a bit, sweating, or want to touch up your lipstick, you can’t use the same products because the make up artist has gone. Such a stupid waste of money.

I was given tiny little sample pots of foundation/ concealer/ gloss and a tiny bottle of lip stain for touch ups. My make was only 40 quid beautician at the hairdresser rather than the £££ people spend on folk coming round. I did pay for my bridesmaid though!

mam0918 · 10/09/2022 15:31

I'll also add I did not require or pay for make up at my wedding, one of my friend never wears make up as she has dry skin and choose to go complete barefaced and it was fine, I would hate to have forced her to aggrave her skin.

mummatara · 10/09/2022 15:31

I said to mine if you want it done it's £40 but if you want to do your own that's fine. I paid for everything else

MzHz · 10/09/2022 15:31

You can’t afford 4 bridesmaids

stop being so utterly ridiculous about a single day in your life, think about what is really important and cut your cloth accordingly.

londonrach · 10/09/2022 15:33

Yabu. If you want something at your wedding you pay for it.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 10/09/2022 15:33

noclothesinbed · 10/09/2022 12:58

That's really tight and I'd be questioning why your getting married if you can't afford it and how will you afford far more important things In life moving forward

Oh ffs.

Janeycraney · 10/09/2022 15:34

Don’t worry OP. As you say, people like to attack the OP to provoke a reaction as it’s not as satisfying to attack someone who will never see it. People get upset about it because they’ve inadvertently agreed with someone on the internet 😆

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 10/09/2022 15:40

Hillary17 · 10/09/2022 13:28

Either you pay for it or they do their own. People are struggling and even £20 is unfair to assume they can afford to pay. They can do their own makeup but if you say you’d prefer it, they’ll feel obligated. Weddings already cost so much - hen party, drinks, hotels, gifts, taxis etc. Just assume they can do they’re own makeup if you don’t want to pu the whole thing.

Give them a cheaper wedding present 😀

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 10/09/2022 15:42

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 10/09/2022 15:40

Give them a cheaper wedding present 😀

Show quote history

Sorry! Wrong post quoted.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/09/2022 15:42

helloits · 10/09/2022 13:47

Can I ask why?

Show quote history

Its against the posting rules which you agreed to abide by. Go read them. This thread will probably get deleted for being a reverse.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 10/09/2022 15:43

noclothesinbed · 10/09/2022 12:58

That's really tight and I'd be questioning why your getting married if you can't afford it and how will you afford far more important things In life moving forward

Presumably they're getting married because either they live each other or they want the legal advantages (possibly both) NOT because they're rolling in cash & don't know how else to spend it.

they have a budget for their wedding so that they can afford other aspects of their life.

are you completely unaware if the concept of a budget???

@helloits it's not where I'd choose to save £60. I would either pay for it or just not get it done.or I suppose say that you can arrange a make up artist if they want you to or if you're having yours done say she will be £80pp if they want to book OUR QUEEN👑 💔😭 to do theirs as well.

asking for £20 each doesn't seem worth the possible upset to me.

hope you have a lovely wedding day & a wonderful marriage

boatahoy · 10/09/2022 15:45

YABU As it's your wedding and you asked them to be bridesmaids you should pay for their flowers, dress, hair and make up.

DSGR · 10/09/2022 15:49

You pay or they do their own! I’m sure they have better things to spend their money on than make up for YOUR wedding

AnuSTart · 10/09/2022 15:50

Sorry, it's your wedding. They are your guests. You must pay.

LuftBalloons · 10/09/2022 15:53

We have a budget for our wedding and I don't want to go over that so trying to save where I can.

YANBU to have a budget.

YABU totally to make other people pay so you can save.

You need to learn to cut your coat according to your cloth.

MissMaple82 · 10/09/2022 15:53

Don't have a wedding you can't afford. Either reducr the bridesmaids, let them do their own make up or cough up. I wouldn't want to pay, and if I did you wouldn't be getting a gift!

MissMaple82 · 10/09/2022 15:54

Can't imagine the massive savings of 80 quid is going to go very far!!!!

Comefromaway · 10/09/2022 15:55

If the bride says I am getting x in to do everyone’s hair and makeup then the bride pays.

If the bride says I am getting x in to do my hair and make up, let me know if you want to book them at the same time the cost is y that is also fine.

it is also fine for everyone to sort themselves out.

Carlycat · 10/09/2022 16:02

What's a reverse ? Genuine question

Margo34 · 10/09/2022 16:02

It's your wedding day, if you can't afford to pay for their hair and make up, then don't even offer them that as an option. I wouldn't fart around with part and part.

My wedding, I had hair and make up done while my 3 bridesmaids did their own hair and make up. In fact, they helped each other so their hair and make up, it was a really nice!

Another option you might be able to consider - my friend got married and took her bridesmaids to the makeup counter in the local department store for a free trial/sample so they all had their make up done for free. Not sure if that's still even possible as it was 10+ years ago!

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 10/09/2022 16:03

I left it up to them. I didn't pay for hair and make up and left them to decide if they wanted to do their own, or pay themselves if they wanted professional hair and make up. They all did their own.

I paid for dresses, headpieces and bouquets. I left shoes up to them and said they could either wear something they already had or new shoes/sandals, as long as they looked ok with the dresses. They were long dresses and I wanted them to wear shoes they were comfortable in rather than them all having identical shoes.

LuftBalloons · 10/09/2022 16:05

2 hen dos away

TWO hen dos ??

The narcissism of all of this, and the attempt to satisfy champagne tastes on a beer budget, is just distasteful.

And arrrgggh ! A reverse. It's annoying @helloits because people respond in good faith to the opening post, and sometimes the revelation of a reverse can make their answers seem silly or unhelpful.

As it is, YANBU to be pissed off at the bride. She's penny-pinching and wanting other people to pay for her fantasy.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/09/2022 16:13

Carlycat · 10/09/2022 16:02

What's a reverse ? Genuine question

its the opposite.

She posted as though she was the bride, instead of from the bridesmaids point of view. She is actually a bridesmaid, not the bride.