To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

Yes I'm going to arrange to see a solicitor to make a will also as I don't have one currently

You sound very naive. If you have to ask if it’s better you get a job to protect yourself that rings alarm bells to me

I would also be concerned about this pushy broker. It is such an unusual situation I would have got a second financial opinion to make sure he was correct in what he was saying as well as independent legal advice.

Is the broker a friend of your DH by any chance? If yes then I would be running to a lawyers office

None of this sits right with me

And he presumably very substantially supports your children from a previous relationship? Indeed, his support permits you to be a sahm to your children

He's going around telling people that he bought the house before he married the OP.

We don't know that's a lie.

Erm... yes we do. Assuming we treat the OP as factual.

The house sale completed after their marriage.

And if he's such a high earner he's unlikely to be confused about what it means to 'buy a house'.

No, he lying for some reason.

I see a DH who

100% financially supports the OP and her studies
At least very substantially financially supports the OP’s children from a previous relationship
the OP makes no indication that he is in any way controlling and limiting in how he 100 % financially supports the Op. indeed the op says he “pays for everything”

we couldn't do a declaration of trust on that as again we were told the lender wouldn't have anyone else's name on it (well I guess it would have had to be reapplied for but at a higher rate) the broker was very pushy

"We" were told?

Or your husband told you what someone you've never spoken to said?

Threads and comments like these make me very glad that DH and I discuss these important matters openly and honestly. I know what's in his will, and he knows what's in mine. And all the big financial decisions that affect us both are taken jointly, with both of us present at meetings with banks etc.

After being in MN for years nothing should surprise me, but I still can't believe that some couples are so secretive about stuff like this. A marriage is a partnership, how can it truly be one when people can't/won't discuss the bloody important stuff like wills and finances? Craziness

This is exactly the vibe.

Tbh we were struggling to find a mortgage. The broker made a big deal about how that was the best offer he'd get, probably the only one etc etc. I overheard phone calls.

I just asked him about his will and he said he hasn't updated it since we were married. I asked to make the appointment with the bank and he said sure

I don't think he's set out to scam me or anything, again I don't think he plans to divorce me that would make no sense

OP, I'm a solicitor. I don't know why you have blindly believed everything that your DH has told you. It all sounds like utter nonsense to me. I suspect you've been royally fucked over by him.

1. Your name can go on the registered title even if you're not on the mortgage. Your DF could simply have gifted you £100k which you could have put down as the deposit.

1. Marital rights give you limited protection in that DH can't throw you out. It doesn't protect your financial interest. People usually register marital home rights with the Land Registry when they split up, not during a purchase.

1. A simple deed of trust would have protected your DF's gift and ensured that it was returned to him if you and DH separate.

1. DH could change his Will and you'd be none the wiser.

You've been incredibly naive and need to get some legal advice NOW.

Call a local firm and ask for an appointment with a private client solicitor. Don't tell DH. Take along any paperwork you have. It might cost you a few hundred quid but you really do need to untangle this mess.

I suspect you’ve just blindly handed him £100k. If you get divorced, I suspect you’ll see that he’s left the house to HIS children in his will.

I can’t believe anyone gets into these situations. As a minimum, you should have had a legal agreement that your £100k was ringfenced in a divorce/house sale etc.

I suspect it’ll be fine whilst you’re married, but the minute you fall out, you’ll never see that money or any benefit from it again.

Purchase date is the date you sign the sale contract, settlement date is different (money exchanged).

I think he did sign before your wedding.

Get legal advice immediately.

No he's not controlling about finances.

I use student finance so no he doesn't pay for that.

We've been together around 3 years

Yes you have made that clear on many occasions throughout the thread. I think by now everybody gets your point

You really seem to have an invested agenda here Doingprettywellthanks

Are you the OP's dh by any chance? You're coming across like that bloke in the film "Gaslight"!

@eighteenmonthstogo I need him to make the appointment with the bank surely or at least agree to go as he's the mortgage holder currently.

As I said I'll make an appt with a solicitor to talk about protecting myself and make a will.

I AM ON THE DEEDS AS HIS SPOUSE. I JUST CHECKED AND MY NAME IS ON THERE AS MARITAL RIGHTS

Is there a significant age gap? And are you in your early twenties or similar? It feels like you might be and he might be 15+ years older.

Are there cultural issues at play that mean you / he / your families see finances as a man's domain for some reason?

I'm struggling to get my head around the dynamics.

But he IS controlling the finances because you have no clue what has been arranged and just "ask" him to explain it to you. And you believe the crap he's telling you.

For gods sake OP, get your own legal advice without DH's input.

Because I can’t square immediately assuming he is scamming the op with the dfact he 100% financially supports her, with not a whiff from the Op that he is financially controlling. Indeed she says “he pays for everything”. Oh and he presumably at least very substantially financially supports her children from another relationship.

I’m afraid I agree here, to be honest.

Everyone who owns a house is a first time buyer at some point. Few people have relatives or friends with extensive knowledge in this area.

It’s up to you to research the process and educate yourself beforehand, not 6 months after.

We bought our home when I was 24, I certainly knew nothing about it at that age. However, I did my research and I’m on the mortgage and deeds.

I wouldn’t be letting my partner roughshod over me and have me handing over 100k with absolutely no legal protection on it, that’s for sure.

That gives you right of residence. It doesn't give you any right to the equity.

YANBU and your DH needs to understand basic contract law. Acceptance of offer is not a binding contract 🙄