To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

Do you have to register your marriage if you get married abroad?
When people get married abroad, a very common question asked is whether they need to register their marriage on their return to their home country or their place of residence. The answer is YES! Dec 2020 Although this is disputed on other sites.

Where is your marriage certificate OP?
It is important that the parties to the marriage take steps to store their original marriage certificate in a safe place, as it may not be a simple task to get a certified copy of the marriage certificate at a later date.

Was your partner previously married? If so, was he definitely divorced?
If he was, he will have needed to present his divorce decree or certificate of dissolution from his previous marriage. If he no longer has a copy, his lawyer would have needed to order him another one.

The OP is correct Gibraltar is a British Territory and her marriage certificate is treated as though she had married in the UK.

Exactly.

How naive. Assets are not always split equally, at all. Other factors - such as the length of the marriage, provision for shared children if they exist, assets pre-dating the marriage or acquired post-legal separation but pre-divorce are all relevant. It is not as simple as "it's half yours". 🙄

The whole situation makes no sense. Any basic conveyancing solicitor would have advised OP to protect her contribution to the deposit which is perfectly possible through a "tenants in common" arrangement even if she is not named on the mortgage.

So yes, something has gone seriously wrong here.

More bullying and disparaging remarks from this poster who has been nasty and troll hunting.

The biggest alarm bell in this is that your are talking about what happens if teh marriage ends when recently married but that aside.
You can be on the deeds but not on the mortgage but it's not always that straight forward. As you are now married it shouldn't matter anyway.
In terms of the purchase date, just check with land registry, again it's somewhat academic now though.

Goodness knows which broker and lender you used but the advice you've been given is total bollocks.

Why would you even think of having a child with him?

@DorsetDotingMummy
I understood that the money was given as a 'gift' to the OP's then fiancé as part of the deposit. BUT that banks want signatures to the effect that the money is given and cannot thereafter be ascribed to the original donor.

This, about gifted deposits might be of interest. Most lenders stipulate that it must be a relative: sibling, parent, grandparent who is the gift giver and many of those insist that it's a parent.

@howdidIgetthere Please, please reconsider having a child with him. Your updates have revealed that this is a bad marriage, quite apart from the deposit/house issue.

You already have 4 kids between you. As a PP pointed out, “The dad's reward is that he has his daughter there to care for him when his medical issues get worse.”
You could soon be a long term carer for 5 kids (including a newborn) and your dad, and housekeeper for your “busy” husband with his “important” job, while he continues to treat you badly and call you names. You would absolutely not have time to have your own career. Your confidence is already so worn down that you believe his job is more important than your studies and future career. Your financial security depends entirely on your husband. Please think really carefully about where you will be in a few years’ time, and whether it’s want you really want to do with your life.

Why would you be left in an awful situation.

You are married. All be it for a short time.
Ultimately regardless of who’s name is on what property, investment, pension car etc the starting point is 50/50. It might go down because of the length of the marriage
It might go up if their is abuse, children a longer marriage etc
But a house bought in the circumstances it was and completed on after your marriage.
Then that would be a start.

Setting aside the house issues, this does not sound like a healthy relationship at all.

My partner has never called me such names, no if he di I would not tolerate it.

You say he is a hands off dad and works away a lot. So basically your setup is that you are parenting his child/children alongside your own. So you are providing all the childcare as if you are a family unit, yet you have no visibility of the family finances nor any control.

You also say he has made it very difficult for you to work, and that he's not supportive of your studies. He does not want you to have independence. He is not going to support you going to work and having financial freedom, that much is clear.

He sounds like an awful, controlling man and if I were you I'd be discussing with the solicitor what your best options are to protect the interests of yourself and your kids if you were to leave.

Sorry, typos!
*and if he did

So you all think that the DH has gone to considerable lengths to steal £100k from the OP?

ok. Well he’s a financial dumb ass if he has. Why? Ok, the facts.

1. the OP is a single parent student and in debt when she meets him.
2. once with him, she jacks in her job and continues with her studies. She and her children move in with him
3. he 100% financially supports the op and her children
4. they have a joint account and the op can spend whatever she likes, he has imposed no financial controls over her spending and the op says he provides her and her children with a “very high standard of living”

this has been going on for years.

So all that effort to nick £100k when you are in a highly paid job and happy with the op unrestricted spending on her and her children…. It doesn’t make sense that he’s going to all these lengths for £100k!

Gibraltar has been mentioned, like Jersey it is a tax haven and different rules apply how taxation is done, I’m not sure what other rules apply there either.

@Doingprettywellthanks So what's your view on the fact that he is very obviously verbally and emotionally abusive, as well as controlling the information she has access to?

You also take no account at all of the practical and financial benefits to him of having her as his live-in housekeeper and nanny to his children. Of course he told her to "jack in her job" - it enormously benefitted him!

I think the £100k is the least of the OP's problems (it was never hers in the first place, as her dad handed it direct to her abuser), but you act as though she needs to be grateful to this man.

Given the OP is studying for an English degree perhaps it's a flaky attempt at a very poor novel with a plot with more leaky holes than a sieve. It lacks credibility that they are predicted a First though!

The crux of the matter isn't whether DH is trying to "steal" her £100k. It's that she has placed herself entirely under the financial control of her DH.

Yes, he pays for everything but that can be withdrawn at his whim. Her only source of finance is student loans or credit cards (which I imagine are controlled by him). He is secretive about the family finances. He won't tell OP whether his Will makes any provision for her.

It all might work out perfectly, him working a lot and her providing the childcare and housework. But, if it doesn't, she's in real difficulty.

Taking into account that DH pushed for a hasty marriage, is keen to get OP pregnant, and seems to have very little respect for her, it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

He's already financially abusing her. If he starts emotionally or physically abusing her, she's got no way out.

i believe it is a separate issue.

I think that he sounds nasty
but the current situation is suiting the op insofar as allowing her to study without paid employment and yet she and her children still living a very high standard of living.

so the op has to move out, no doubt she can’t be abused like this and her children in this environment.

English may not lead directly to a specific job, but a decent degree (the OP says she's on track for a first) will open up the majority of grad schemes as options, and plenty of professional careers. Plenty of humanities grads go into finance, accounting, law, project management etc.

Your comment just makes you sound ignorant tbh. "Uselss major" indeed....

Hello the purchase date is the date the contract closed. At any point up to that date either party can pull out of the house sale. Therefore your inheritance was transferred and used to buy a matrimonial asset. Your husband may be concerned that in a divorce settlement you would walk away with 50% of the property asset, which may well be true, depending upon how long you’ve been married, children, earning potential etc. On a separate matter, if I was not on the deeds, I would ensure I had registered ‘my home right’, to ensure he could not sell or remortgage without my knowledge.

I would recommend you spend a little money and discuss this with a solicitor to put your mind at ease.

How you deal with this issue with your husband is likely to be tricky and you will need to consider what you are willing to address vs ‘let sleeping dogs lie’.

However, personally, I believe in open honest mature talk about concerns and issues on both sides, so I would engage a marital councillor for a session to talk through ‘financial marital concerns’, so you can both talk through your worries on neutral ground.

I’m summary, it sounds like you both may have different views on house asset rights should a divorce occur later down the line. So you could go together and get counselling of how to deal with differences of opinion on serious issues and then maybe get legal advice on the asset to get legal clarity.

So you're an educated woman but willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel with a vile misogynist. Really?

I believe you said you were in your twenties and DH is about 10 years older. If you already have two kids, you must have had them pretty young. It seems a little odd that someone who is career driven and considering doing a phd would find themselves as a single parent (twice over) so early on in life.

This applies to DH too, how come he ends up with 2 young kids, completely on his own, before he’s 40. Where is the mother? It’s very odd that she’s not in the picture at all.

And same with the DF, you said he’s not really elderly so this means has made a significant about of money in his lifetime to have a spare £100k now to be able to gift to anyone.

Your social and financial standing doesn't really match up with the dire straits you all seem to find yourselves in.