To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

OMG....This is getting worse. You've given him 100k but didn't feel the need to sit in on any discussion/meetings?? PLEASE see a solicitor urgently. He sounds dodgy AF

I didn't comment on your spelling or punctuation. It is the lack of clear analytical thinking behind absolutely every aspect of your life that I am struggling to reconcile with a predicted First. Either the grading curve is skewed, or whatever you do in assignments and exams urgently needs to be applied in the rest of your life!

Having to rush in case your DH sees you is another sign of a coercive partner. In a healthy relationship it is absolutely fine to openly ask an online forum for advice.

It's your marital home, you are entitled to a stake in it.

And it's the closing date when funds were exchanged not the acceptance of the offer that matters.

(I'm a lawyer).

There is a lot of really bad 'legal' advice (and unnecessary criticism) on this thread. This kind of arrangement is not unusual.
You are as protected as you can be by being married and registering a matrimonial homes rights notice on the property. You don't need to register any marriage abroad. If you were married according to the laws of that country then you are married and can get divorce in England. Please please speak to someone qualified rather than relying on people on the internet to give you advice.

Get your name on the deeds, then file for divorce.

marvellousmaple · Today 07:53
Can I call bullshit or has someone already done it?

🖕This

@KTKismet
Lawyers specialise in different areas of
law. Was family law your speciality? Being a lawyer doesn't mean that you're conversant with the commercial, criminal, international or any other sector. The law is a broad church.

This is a very sad and bad situation, and everyone on this thread has said it all really. I'm pretty gobsmacked and I can only hope you find a way out of this and learn from it and in future do not rely on men so much, even though it's understandable why you trusted your Dad, sadly it wasn't wise to.

But just to address the couple of posts which keep claiming OP has financial freedom - no, they don't. Real financial freedom would include access to his entire income, as it is - she doesn't even know how much he earns which is crazy. I'd expect to know my partner's income if i lived with them and certainly if I was married to them. How degrading to be the primary carer for your husband's children but not be allowed to know how much he earns or who he has on his will. The fact that he isn't disclosing it signals to me he has left the house etc to his children alone!

Her name is probably on those credit cards too which will have a credit limit, so it's not much of a liberty to be allowed to spend whatever she wants on them considering it's just debt. Her student loans are financing her studies.

She gets access to what he allows in the joint income which I assume consists of him putting smaller amounts of his salary in every month. If he chooses to stop that, or reduce the amount he puts in it she would be in trouble. If she was jointly on his main income to where his salary is paid that would be a different matter.

OP - to echo PPs it's quite surprising that you're TTC. Please learn from all the advice given on this thread and the clear red flags you didn't see/ignored previously. I used to work in social services and I'm weary of adults willingly bringing children into this sort of dysfunction.

On my post above I said joint and main income when I actually meant to say joint and main (bank) account.

Does the OP have her own mother who has any who had anything to say on all of this?

This, it's just WEIRD. Even if I hadn't contributed a penny to a deposit considering this is going to the future home for me and kids, I'd feel very invested and engaged in the process and would be turning up to most if not all the meetings. Even when an unmarried couple rents, it's usually both who go along to the estate agents. I can't quite get my head round it.

You’ve e obviously had lots of responses but just wanted to reply as I was in a very similar situation when I got married 20 years ago ( still together :) I had graduated from uni and was temping, my DH was finishing his degree when we got engaged.
My Grandad gifted me 100k for our first house and insisted all money went through me and deeds were in mine and DH’s name jointly, he’s very savvy money wise and has taken legal advice. The next house we bought, 10 years later was also jointly in our names, despite the fact I was a SAHM by then and DH’s salary paid for most of the house and he was paying the mortgage. Both our names on mortgage. Third house we bought, I was a student, not earning but again, house deeds in both names and both names on mortgage.
Don’t get confused between the deeds and mortgage, regardless of your income you can and should have your name on the deeds. I also don’t understand why your Dad didn’t gift the money to you? I am worried for you that DH is gaslighting you into thinking that these details don’t matter or that you can’t get your name on the deeds but that’s just wrong. The fact that he is talking about him buying the house and not the pair of you is worrying. Don’t be put off, you should push for this and if he resists or avoids it then get advice independently x

Ok @LoisLane66 😂😂😂

No one
not to say likely a good few including me aren’t thinking that

but then I think…. Really someone is that bored, lonely, unfulfilled that this is how they get their kicks? And I think - bloody hell!

I haven't read the full thread, but just wanted to say there is no reason, unless you have significantly bad credit, that you couldn't be on the mortgage, and or the deeds. If the money has been gifted, then it is simply that, a gift that cannot be legally retrieved. The bank would require your father to confirm he has no interest in the property, and the funds were gifted with no conditions. If this was not the case then he could have legally had a second charge over the property, protecting his interest or share. Also if you were on the mortgage, with no income, you would still legally be allowed to have a protected share in the property if you had given a deposit, which could be gifted to you by your father. I would suggest you contact your solicitor and confirm if you are on the mortgage or deeds or not. If you are you need to establish if you are 'tennants in common' or not.
I don't think you are being unreasonable to be concerned. As your father says the purchase date is once the purchase is completed, however on exchange of contracts you are legally bound to fulfil the purchase, which may have happened several months prior to completion, and often a percentage of deposit (if not already held equity in an existing property,) is required to be paid on exchange of contracts. So that could be a grey area I don't know the legal answer to. It seems your new DH is not very reassuring, and I would be questioning his morals at this point. If you are that concerned I'd suggest making an appointment with some kind of mediator to have this discussion and get him to take you seriously. You should not have to worry about this kind of thing in a marriage, and if there is genuinely no underlying deception going on, then he'll be more than happy to agree and sign some kind of pre-nup or take legal action to put his new wife at ease!

There’s been a few people (myself included last night) who said that things aren’t adding up and essentially calling bullshit…

But yes, WHY?! My guess was it had something to do with her English major and ambitions of going into publishing, writing etc., but who knows. I also liked the guesses of others thinking she was maybe in fact the DH’s ex wife or something like that. I feel a bit like a member of Osman’s Thursday Murder Club trying to figure it all out.

You married in order to buy a house? My goodness that spells trouble. From the way you have written you don't seem to know DH that well, you have been greedy and very silly.

What I find a bit sad is that some posters like @Octomore really do invest time and energy to provide loads of support and guidance to an op that a growing number of us are beginning to suspect… is fiction

I don't think it's fiction. I think the OP has changed and tried to find equivalences for most of the details though and in doing so it creates gaps

If the OP is genuine, then it's a bloody sad state of affairs.

And I have met intelligent (in the academic sense) women who got sucked into dysfunctional, abusive situations. Academic ability doesn't mean someone is worldly wise, and emotionally clued up. Having some nous isn't tested in exams.

I agree that the DH doesn't need the 100k for himself, but I do think he is very keen for the OP not to have money or options

@Tomorrowisalatterday - love your username!

I also think this is likely.

And sadly, I find it very believable that an old fashioned, slightly misogynistic father would see nothing wrong in giving the money to his SIL rather than direct to his daughter.

Fair enough, but if someone is educated you'd expect a higher likelihood of them having the basic skills and greater awareness about many of the aspects covered on this thread, not least of all that if your supposed nearest and dearest calling you thick and a bitch on a regular basis, you'll kinda guess they're a bad'un. Education is meant to raise your expectations and life chances, not get dragged down by bloody lowlife.

but irrespective of that, their whole life is a carcrash if we are to believe what's been posted.