To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

I see I cross posted with you spoeke

I'm confused as to why your couldn't be on the mortgage and deeds but he could? I was a sahm when we purchased our last place. 0 income. I'm on the mortgage and deeds. If they approved him, they would have approved you both. They look at joint income...

10 years ago, my fiancée (now husband) had a midlife crisis and went off with his ex. We were tenants in common and I was on the mortgage and deeds. My father in law was a solicitor and was worried about what stake I would get in reality, so we employed a family barrister in London. He noted that I should get back what I put in- especially where (as has been mentioned) there will be a money laundering paper trail. So, my take on it would be that you’d have every right to your money. Also, if you were married when the house was bought, the split should be 50/50- and if you are not working, even if it’s based on need, your need will be higher than his.
Further, if he pushes and it has to go to court, you are bound to win.
Don't forget, you can phone a family law solicitor and get half an hours’ legal advice for free at many solicitors, so do this. Also, sit down with your father and husband with the form and ask hubby to fill it in… this will probably give him the kick up the arse he needs to remember where that money came from and your Dad will be there to support you.

good luck xxxx

I know you are understandably already very stressed, but on reading your initial post and then your update, your inheritance does not appear to be the primary issue here. You clearly are very mistrustful of this man and you also mention being reluctant to raise the issue of the house with him, as though the raising of a difficult topic with him makes you feel uncomfortable or even nervous…? I wonder how he gives you the message about the things he forbids you to raise… a certain look on his face, or a tension /atmosphere in the room? You know it feels wrong to be that way. As others have said, get legal advice about the house as soon as possible, but there seems to be something more fundamentally problematic going on. Please look after yourself, and help and support will always be available when you are ready.

Dorset why do you think OP dad is supporting her? He left out the most important bit of giving her £100k. He literally gave it to someone else!

My fear is that he did not use the money to buy the house.

I’ve been through something similar… the money your dad gave - did he sign a gifted deposit form? If yes, he has absolutely no rights to get it back and nor do you. If you are not on the mortgage or deeds you have absolutely no rights to the property. If you have children you may have some protection, but to put it bluntly I’d say you’re screwed unless you get your name on the deeds and mortgage NOW. Which shouldn’t be an issue if your husband is legit.

You should have signed a declaration of trust stating that the deposit is yours if you ever separate, and you should have absolutely been included on the mortgage and the deeds.

To summarise -

Your father and husband pooled resources to buy a bigger house for you all to live in.
Your father gave 100k to your husband to facilitate a mortgage, nothing to you.
Husband bought the property in his own name only.
Neither you nor your father are named on the deeds as having an interest in the house.
You get married quickly in Gibraltar not in the UK.
Your husband has three kids, you have one.
You do not have contact or maintenance from the father of your child.
Your husband does not have contact with the mother of his kids, and she has no contact with them either.
Your husband controls all the finances.
Your husband travels a lot for his important well paid job.
You look after the kids and the household.
You are studying with a student loan.
Your husband is verbally abusive, but he pays for everything.
Your husband will not share any financial or legal information with you (eg his will)

Have I missed anything?

I'm going to throw something out of left field, and say that the situation is not what you are saying for identifying reasons.

I am guessing, and of course could be wrong.... that it is HIS mother who is living with you and who provided the money for her son (your husband). Expects you to be the runaround slave now in return for financial support.

So sorry if I have totally misunderstood, but the situation is so bizarre, that I can't help myself thinking this.

I am guessing, and of course could be wrong.... that it is HIS mother who is living with you and who provided the money for her son (your husband). Expects you to be the runaround slave now in return for financial support.

Damn, that would make a lot of sense. Why the marriage in Gibraltar though?

I doubt it was in Gibraltar myself, some other foreign place or Gretna like venue maybe. Have doubts about its legality also. Aren't there some marriages in certain cultures that are not recognised or something?

Anyway, with due concern for OP, this is beginning to read like a novel.

Yes, I find it odd that there are so many massively identifying details in OP's story yet she tersely insists that she doesn't want to give out more. How many people does anyone know who eloped to Gibraltar for starters?!

It clearly wasn't Gibraltar at all, probably Las Vegas or something. If you Google "Where is the easiest place to get married abroad?" then Gibraltar comes at the top of the list which is obviously what OP did.

I would question the number of kids as well since that's an obvious identifying factor. It's probably less than 4, more like 2 or something and the mother is most likely in the picture.

It is possibly a reverse or a thread started about a friend. Maybe she used 100K of her husband's inheritance to buy a house or her sister/friend is actually the person in this position. Either way, this thread and OP's replies are making increasingly less sense. Fair enough for privacy reasons but it's impossible for people to give advice without knowing

Have your name put on the mortgage and the deeds. There will be a charge to change the mortgage details but you should do this. However, before hand. I would get advice from a solicitor.

Did you register the marriage once you got back? Otherwise you might not be legally married in this country.

You don’t need to be on the mortgage to be added to the Land registry.
your husband can add you to the deeds of the house by making an amendment to the deeds online.
I heard that if you have a sum gifted for the deposit, and it is declared at the time of the purchase, a solicitor can draw something up to ensure the gift is returned to the gifter in the even of a divorce. Obviously you’d need legal advice but I’m surprised your solicitor didn’t ask you at the time the house was bought whether you wanted to put something in place to protect your parents gifted deposit.

Her father have the money to get dh though
So actually he was the fool

I'm confused by all the references to "cultural issues". All over the world men see women as part of their estate, including in the UK.

I've known several UK women who have ended up penniless because their partners/husbands have colluded with relations to effectively freeze them out of assets under the guise of "protecting them".

And often they end up being stuck in unhappy and even sometimes dangerous situations because that "protection money" is keeping them trapped.

Women dont always recognise it, because they contribute and take on financial responsibilities so assume that this is building assets, but men are often good at making sure that their money with a papertrail goes towards asset building, while women's money goes on consumables.

I'm struggling to reconcile a young mother and step-mother single-handedly looking after 4 children while husband is away yet also on track for a First in her degree despite unclear writing and extremely muddled thinking about everything.

You cannot gift more than £4,000 per year without it being subject to tax, fact

You can do if you live for seven years after you make the gift. Fact.

@HumphreysCorner There are no physical deeds any more.
Since 1990 it has all been done through the Land Registry so no need for them and banks no longer require them as mortgages are registered as charges accordingly.

I am now questioning whether the OP is genuine. I am shocked that somebody who writes with such a poor grasp of English grammar is doing an English degree and considers that a Masters and PhD is well within her capabilities. I had originally assumed she was not a native English speaker!