To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

If a gift is paid out of “income” there is no limit, nor is it subject to the 7 yr rule, although Father is nominally retired he could still have business interests, that would make this possible. Also overseas assets are treated differently, which would depend how tax was done in the country of origin.

I hope you now have a clearer idea of how to move forward OP.

How did you meet this man, and move in together so swiftly?

Why is your Dh 'mortified' about marriage rights? You need to be financially protected. You never know how things will turn out. If he's offended then tough. If he cares about you then he will put you on the mortgage and deeds. It really isn't that difficult a thing to sort out. What a dick.

Oh OP....I've read all of your comments. I'm in my late thirties, married, 3 children, work full time, study full time, same for my husband whom is 38.

I'm not going to be condescending, because we all make mistakes, we all listen to our hearts instead of our heads. I think you've found a text-book romance, but the rich man is real and he's turned out to be abusive and evil.

Having you give up your job with no access to cash, only credit cards available, having to ask for bank transfers, he travels for his career - He's basically got himself a live-in-Nanny. I'm sorry if that sounds horrible, but that really does seem how it is from an outsiders perspective.

The fact you know nothing of what's in his Will, his income, he threatens divorce, he verbally abuses you, he's older than you, he controls all finances - It's financial abuse (which is illegal) and Entrapment (Your 100K. Also illegal).

He has you over a barrel, OP and I don't think you want to admit it; Which is why you are misdirecting your anger at people with plenty of life experience, people who are worried, people who are angry about this man using and abusing you. They aren't giving you flack, we all want to rip him a new one.

I think your Dad has been very naive, and in all honesty, if you're going to marry someone, get a mortgage, have a child etc you shouldn't still be relying on your parents for important information like this. It just tells me you're playing with fire while very I experienced.

Having a job isn't about money, it's about practising independence for the inevitable. I dated someone with 19 years on me when I was 19...they love their arm candy and will spin a Web of deceit.

1. You don't know dates of this mortgage

1. Your own husband hasn't added you to the mortgage.

1. He verbally abuses you

1. He has you trapped

1. He threatens divorce

1. He has you running around for his kids as a free Nanny, with se* on tap.

1. Was the wedding really legal? I think you need a solicitor for more than just a mortgage.

1. He doesn't care about your studies.

1. He's already walked out on a previous family. Where is the Mother?

10. He keeps things from you.

11. Made you quit your job so he wouldn't need to pay childcare.

12. He has fleeced you.

Do you have a positive list of things to add?

Even a gift out of capital is fine providing the giver doesn't die within 7 years.

OP - ignore all the speculation about tax as its not really relevant. Nothing you've said makes it sound likely that your dad will die within the next 6 years (as one year has already passed).

@howdidIgetthere 4 dc between you so I’m guessing only 1 of them is yours. Your husband doesn’t want you to work because he wants you to be dependent on him. He wants to advance his career whilst saving money on childcare (you).

You say your degree is English. It doesn’t make sense for you to do a Master’s unless you want to be an academic teaching at university. Not the easiest career to get into.

You need to find a full time job once you graduate. Your husband can find childcare. It also seems like an awfully unequal marriage where he holds all the power. He treats you like a child, especially as he doesn’t “bother” you with talk about “grown up” matters eg finances and how he calls you names. I’m sure there are relationships with big age gaps that are harmonious, but many many are not. There is always a power imbalance like in yours.

Howdidigetthere
if it helps at all I had a very messy divorce some years ago. Not only property but a business as well. My ex did everything he could to deprive me of money in the business.
Thankfully the judge saw that no way could my ex have started that business without my help.
I hope it doesn’t happen to you, but if it does a judge will see that your husband couldn’t buy that house without your contribution.

It makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER for you to have married this man, a man who is a closed book, who has 100% control, who calls you names, who doesn't want you to have a career (that much is clear - just wait until you finish your degree) and was never able to provide a reasonably large 4 bed rental property, as you have described.
He's obfuscating at every opportunity and this is only a fairly new relationship.
Your unease is palpable as what recently married woman talks about divorce and worries that she may be left with nothing.
It's clear as day that you should never have married and the 100k was a huge mistake. Banks are very clear on the rules about 'gifts' and those rules are not in your favour.

Excellent post from @GingerWit .

One thing I find bizarre is that I can understand someone young being taken in by a smooth talking older man, love bombing etc. But I can't understand why a grown man with decades of life experience (her father) would facilitate it.

I know an older man who always moves his partners in immediately. He's a classic narcissist who love bombs them, then emotionally abuses them. As an experienced adult, I can see it for what it is, and I'd never encourage someone I cared about to enter a relationship with him.

I think you need to tread very carefully here.

Ideally you would have sought advice before doing this. Maybe you could’ve got a prenup?
why can’t your name be on the mortgage? Is it because you have a bad credit rating? If not I can’t see why your couldn’t be on the mortgage.

I think you will be absolutely fine, if you can prove 100,000 came from your father as your inheritance. Also it doesn’t matter whose name is on the mortgage when you have bought the house, but substantial deposits from inheritance will make a difference.Do you have children?

I also think you need to be careful, as you don’t want this to spoil your relationship.

If you think you can discuss this with your husband without him taking offence then it may be worthwhile doing so, if not I think I would keep quiet and discreetly get advice to cover your own back. Hopefully all will work out well and you won’t need it.

I don't have cash to pay for a solicitor but I will use one of the credit cards, yes he could see it on the transactions but it's unlikely he'll know straight away and I can say it's to sort my will.

It seems from my research I should seek out a conveyancing solicitor who can draw up documents etc for me to be added to the deed and advise on how much it will cost and then hopefully I can present this to my DH with my DF present and his attitude was 'sure' yesterday so he can hardly argue that I've got it prepared by myself. Hopefully there won't be an issue with getting permission from the lender as that seems to be the biggest area of confusion for everyone.

To save you searching the entire thread @HelenC123 the mortgage was found and accepted before we were married. I couldn't be added at that time due to a couple of very old defaults and low income.

I may have not properly understood this badly-written post, but if someone has given you £100k then when that person dies (if within 7 years) you will have to cough-up tax to the tune of up-to 40% ie £40,000!

As others have said get some legal advice ASAP and get your name on the deeds and mortgage, if you haven't already.

It’s a marital asset now regardless. It would
be worth speaking to a solicitor but there’s no need to panic.

Omg you need to go and speak to a lawyer ASAP asap asap ASAP!!!! and get this all legally binding.

Only if it's above their nil rate band. And there is a tapering over the course of the 7 years.

Craziest scenario I've ever read on MN - and that's saying a lot!

What a cunty thing to say, get a life.

Howdidigetthere
if it helps at all I had a very messy divorce some years ago. Not only property but a business as well. My ex did everything he could to deprive me of money in the business.
Thankfully the judge saw that no way could my ex have started that business without my help.
I hope it doesn’t happen to you, but if it does a judge will see that your husband couldn’t buy that house without your contribution. ^^

So you think you can get married to someone and then weeks later buy a house with a hundred thousand pound deposit then divorce them before the year is out and they get half your house?

Even though you put no money into it and you aren't on the mortgage or the deeds and you paid nothing toward it at all.

This is completely incorrect. Honestly, the OP just needs to get legal advice and follow it. And NOT get pregnant.

Yes OP - make sure your contraception is 100% watertight.

I just want to offer you some support. All the nasty, self-important comments aside, it’s your own instinct that’s got you questioning, your own instinct that’s sent you here looking for answers -and you should trust that. I hope you get some great legal advice. And most of all know this -you do NOT DESERVE for the person you agreed to share a life with, and a home that YOU facilitated the purchase of, to call you “thick”, or “a bitch”, or to not have equal right to a career of your choosing. No one does.

OP Was the mortgage advisor or solicitor your DH used when buying this house a good friend or family member?