Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

1000 replies

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:33

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

OP posts:
LittleMissBeamer · 10/09/2022 18:17

I have never been on a mortgage, because I’m a stay at home Mum and not earning. However, I have always been on the deeds of every house we have owned. I have no idea why they were advising you and your father to not be on the deeds. It doesn’t mean you’re financially responsible for anything. That’s all on the person that has the mortgage. It all sounds like a very odd situation to be honest. I hope that you manage to get yourself on the deeds.

Wonderfulstuff · 10/09/2022 18:20

Honestly it astounds me how many fully grown women still behave like little girls waiting for daddy/hubby to tell them what to do and take care of anything.

Frankly OP you need to grow up and take some accountability for your financial welfare. I cannot believe you have been so careless.

fib88 · 10/09/2022 18:24

You definitely need legal advice , but I’m sure the money is traceable (in that) YOUR father gave the money. Your new husband sounds slippery and I fear he might be a conman (sorry to be so direct) . I strongly advise you get some legal advice pronto.

..either way that £100,000 belongs to your father & you as you cannot gift that amount without tax bring owed.

NothingSurprises · 10/09/2022 18:25

You are not being unreasonable.

When you get married, it’s for life and it is one of DH’s many responsibilities to make you feel safe and secure and vice versa.

I don’t think you need to rush into getting legal advice at this stage. However, you need a VERY CLEAR picture of all your finances and all the deeds. There is nothing wrong with you saying to DH that you need it because you just want to understand.

IF he continues in an unusual or obstructive manner, then yes, you should immediately seek legal advice as that would be unreasonable and unusual within a marriage.

Cameleongirl · 10/09/2022 18:28

@LittleMissBeamer When you next refinance, it would be worth inquiring what would happen if your DH passed away. Unless your mortgage will be paid off in this event, you might then have to apply for a mortgage yourself and presumably wouldn’t qualify.

I don’t think you’d need to do this if it’s a joint mortgage. Worth asking about it.

Octomore · 10/09/2022 18:29

..either way that £100,000 belongs to your father & you as you cannot gift that amount without tax bring owed

You're obviously not a lawyer or a tax adviser are you? You definitely can gift someone £100k, without it being taxed.

Aruva · 10/09/2022 18:32

You could have the property with life interest to you ?

ICanHideButICantRun · 10/09/2022 18:35

Let me guess, three of the four children are his, aren't they?

This just smacks of financial abuse, OP. Please don't have a child with him. Four between you is plenty, especially given the fact you want a job. I wonder whether he wants you to have a baby so that you don't go back to work - it suits him that way and it's not as if he's parenting his own children, is it?

Ohhoho · 10/09/2022 18:39

It sounds unclear for a start you father can’t just give you 100k without being investigated for avoiding inheritance tax. Only allowed to give away 3k a year with no tax obligations. Eg if he died within the next seven years that money would be liable for inheritance tax.is thst why the paper trail is not clear? I think he can lend it but it would be better if you got this legally safe and clear and not depend on these older men and their possibly self serving advice ; your instincts are worth taking notice of.

LaughingCat · 10/09/2022 18:41

Oh, you muppet.

My partner only is on the mortgage of our current property (I had a terrible credit rating at the time and was in a relatively low paying job). We’re not married.

I provided the deposit, courtesy of my father, whom I have now paid back.

Both my other half and I signed contracts with the conveyancers, stating the exact amounts of equity we each will have in the house as it appreciates in value. This was not a condition of the mortgage, but something I wanted to do to protect us both.

This is because despite not being on the mortgage, I am on the deeds.

Buying another property now and they have agreed to exactly the same thing.

Sounds like you let the bank railroad you. It’s not unreasonable of them to not want you on there but, given you were supplying a hefty proportion of the deposit, you should have bloody insisted and gone elsewhere if they refused.

Original poster
howdidIgetthere · 10/09/2022 18:42

Thank you @Tierne

I don't really have anyone in real life I can ask for advice, my DF isn't much help when I ask about career direction and DH acts like it's a waste of his time if I try to talk to him about it.

But I have a busy week planned getting my career guidance and seeing a solicitor. I'm feeling a lot clearer on what I need to do and how to do it. Yes I will put my dream on a backlist to the priority of being independent and secure but I can't just divorce him right now, that would be choosing to put myself and my family through a horrible and stressful time.

OP posts:
April506 · 10/09/2022 18:42

I thought getting married meant you just shared everything ?? Am I wrong ?

LoisLane66 · 10/09/2022 18:44

If your husband is a high earner as you say, and mortgage rates when you married were lower than they had been for years, why couldn't he have funded the whole deposit himself? 600k+ isn't an expensive house, not by a long chalk. In some areas yes but unless you're in a depressed area, no.
Once your DF gifted the 100k towards a deposit, all rights to that money disappear, otherwise banks/lenders would never entertain offering a mortgage. You will never be able to ring fence that money.

Octomore · 10/09/2022 18:44

Yes, you're wrong.

After a short marriage with no kids, there is no way a judge would just divide assets 50/50.

Wynnifer · 10/09/2022 18:44

Unfortunately, it's in DH's interest to deny your memory & the facts. Sounds like he wants to keep it in his name only.

Get official, paid legal advice immediately. Explain you want to be on deed
(mortgage might be possible, too) and see what solicitor says.

You must take action. DH sounds selfish.

This must be distressing. Hope it gets pleasantly resolved.

Octomore · 10/09/2022 18:45

LoisLane66 · 10/09/2022 18:44

If your husband is a high earner as you say, and mortgage rates when you married were lower than they had been for years, why couldn't he have funded the whole deposit himself? 600k+ isn't an expensive house, not by a long chalk. In some areas yes but unless you're in a depressed area, no.
Once your DF gifted the 100k towards a deposit, all rights to that money disappear, otherwise banks/lenders would never entertain offering a mortgage. You will never be able to ring fence that money.

There are plenty of non-depressed areas where £600k is still an expensive house.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 10/09/2022 18:46

Just… wow.
Kinda hoping this is book research tbh because if not there are kids involved in this disaster and you want more.

Crazykatie · 10/09/2022 18:46

The gift of £100k from your father to your husband sounds like a dowry, your going overseas to get married suggests your heritage is not British and there are cultural issues involved.

Teenprobs · 10/09/2022 18:48

I have no input on legal issues, but I will point out that people that are telling her to get legal advise seem to be assuming that she has a pot of money to pay for a solicitor? Can he view her spending if its a joint account etc?

It's likely she can't afford a solicitor, she's stated she never has one. I would want more info on her father. Does he have any more money that could be potentially 'used' in future?

Original poster
howdidIgetthere · 10/09/2022 18:48

My DH won't tell me what's in the other accounts, I have no idea what money he has just to reiterate so I can't get a clear idea of what we have

OP posts:
Original poster
howdidIgetthere · 10/09/2022 18:50

@LoisLane66 cash flow and they wanted a hefty deposit

OP posts:
LittleMissBeamer · 10/09/2022 18:50

Cameleongirl · 10/09/2022 18:28

@LittleMissBeamer When you next refinance, it would be worth inquiring what would happen if your DH passed away. Unless your mortgage will be paid off in this event, you might then have to apply for a mortgage yourself and presumably wouldn’t qualify.

I don’t think you’d need to do this if it’s a joint mortgage. Worth asking about it.

The life insurance would cover the rest of the mortgage. You’re absolutely right, I would not be able to get a mortgage myself. We do also have quite a bit in savings. My husband is a high earner, so we have a nest egg. The poster and I have some similarities in our lives, although I know more about our finances and our children are together.

SUBisYodrethwhenLarping · 10/09/2022 18:50

So his existing "WILL" will leave the house and assets to his children from previous relationship?
Unless he updates it is that what you are saying?

mellicauli · 10/09/2022 18:52

I think talk to an tax specialist too. It may not be too late to create a paper trail for this cash gift by your Father declaring it in his tax return.

beonmywaythen · 10/09/2022 18:53

howdidIgetthere · 10/09/2022 18:48

My DH won't tell me what's in the other accounts, I have no idea what money he has just to reiterate so I can't get a clear idea of what we have

Major red flag

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.