To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

All the rushing /pushing /'broker won't allow' shtick....

This has ALL the signs of a scam.

OP has been hopelessly naive.... Relying on a man she'd know less that two years with a 100k of her inheritance.

OP your father is far from financially savvy and has put this money at risk by doing this.

Good to hear you're getting legal advice.

Also presumably the OP DH can tell OP any old rubbish re nominee on in service benefit....

The same way he could tell her she was sole beneficiary of his will then quietly change it?

I was never on the deeds or mortgage of my marital home as I already owned another property at the time of purchase (the sale of which completed one week after our house purchase completed). We divorced after 16 years and I got 50% of the equity (and I had moved out two years earlier). I did register marital home rights before moving out and when the letter came to notify him he was travelling so he never saw it.

I was thinking this as well. There is so much misinformation and bad advice on this thread

It’s not misinformation or bad advice. As I have already mentioned, the rules for IHT are different if you aren’t a UK resident. Not everyone is a UK resident. It would also have implications for divorced, UK resident, spouses if the one on the deeds drops dead after the divorce but before the property is sold or title transferred. It seems sensible to sort it out whilst all parties are still on speaking terms. I don’t know why people need to dive in with snippy remarks about my tax status. It was a throwaway comment about why I am putting my house in my name 22 years down the line. It doesn’t actually matter why I’m doing it, just that I am, it’s possible, it’s quite straightforward, and the OP needs a conversation with both a solicitor and the lender. This thread is weirdly cross.

I trust that he's not a bad person but a point of conflict in our marriage is that I don't think he is open enough and communicates with me. yes his job is all consuming and stressful and I know he finds it frustrating to go over things with me and share mundane things when he has so much on his plate but in the past I have found that he has not shared information with me on things I should have known and I get very upset about it. so I don't think he's a bad person or necessarily has bad intentions but I do not trust that he shares everything with me and would not do things to his advantage without me knowing.

So if he’s too busy to explain things to you - like how much he earns, and spends, and has saved - here’s an idea. Suggest that all his accounts and savings be switched to joint accounts. That way you can see exactly what goes in and what goes out, and he doesn’t need to spend time explaining it to you. If he has ISA’s, the same should be set up in your sole name.

His willingness to do this would be an act of good faith. His unwillingness to do this would be a warning sign.

I would also be concerned about your father’s security. There has been no mention of any legal agreement giving him right of residence - he is there only as long as your husband, as the owner of the property, allows him to reside there, which is fine for as long as you and DH are happy. But if things turn sour, DH could turn your DF out tomorrow, minus his £100K of course.

Next time he says stupid crap to your friends about “his house”, just chip I laughing and say “well we are married so that is not true is it? And I have a paper trail of my fathers money.” Then just laugh “you are funny! “ knock the wind out of this arseholes sails. You are married and you will have bank statements showing the transfer from your father - he will get 50/50 with that evidence in court. He is making himself look an idiot- let him know this!

Secondly, a house is a marital asset whether it was bought before or after the marriage, as that is the home that you both share.

But if he's bought a house after they have married, with his hundred thousand pound deposit and they have been married for less than a year, she's not going to get half the house. He bought it and they have a short marriage.

Also, if he dies he could have left his house to his children and if she dies her kids are out on their ear.

@howdidIgetthere

Yes I do academic studies in a humanities subject

In this case I wouldn’t bother doing a post grad in your position. Having an income to provide for your dc and yourself is far more beneficial, especially as your husband sounds like he treats you as a child.

He pays for everything
trust that he's not a bad person but a point of conflict in our marriage is that I don't think he is open enough and communicates with me. yes his job is all consuming and stressful and I know he finds it frustrating to go over things with me and share mundane things when he has so much on his plate but in the past I have found that he has not shared information with me on things I should have known and I get very upset about it.

Case in point. Your much older husband (I’m guessing 40s) treats his new wife in her 20s like a complacent little child who has to be seen but not heard. This is not an equal partnership.

You gave him £100k. A 10% deposit for a £600k house is £60k. He probably used your dad’s “gift” as the entire deposit. He paid for the house with “his” money before you married. You and your dad have been really silly.

@Doingprettywellthanks

You should probably cut the snide misogynistic digs about “100% financial support” - you sound like a broken record and it’s getting tired.

The OP is sacrificing earning personal money, gaining working experience, and paying into her pension and NI contributions, while allowing her ‘D’H to continue merrily advancing his career and doing all of the above, by not working and providing childcare (that would have to be paid for) as “they” decided it would be easier to facilitate the ‘D’H’s work and related (or not, as the case may be) travel.

It’s a sad, tired old story that many a woman (myself included in the past) have fallen into, and rarely ends well.

She has used student funding to allow her to further her education to give her a chance at becoming gainfully employed and more able to support herself financially, which is a good thing - it does however remain to be seen whether her ‘D’H would be supportive in her actually attempting to achieve that goal when the time comes (and in fact, there’s a red flag already waving high, as the OP has said that they plan to TTC, coincidentally, just as OP will be finishing her degree - the words “barefoot and pregnant” are alarmingly springing to mind for some reason).

So the “100% financial support” bollocks is exactly that - bollocks. Disingenuous and misogynistic bollocks.

Oh, and that’s before you even open the rancid can of worms involving the inheritance, dishonestly and secrecy around the mortgage/paperwork/will etc. 🙄

Why would you have children with someone you're not thinking will divorce you "yet"?

Just wondering from a legal perspective...

Even if he had bought the house before they were married using that 100K.

Her fathers bank accounts would show that he transferred 100K to him.

Wouldnt that mean anything in the eyes of the law?

No. The father gave him 100k as a gift. What he does with that gift is up to him. The father has no claim on anything bought with the gift money. He will have signed something to say that.

I am on the deeds as spouse only, not as any kind of owner.

My DF did not use sale proceeds to fund the 100k.

A lot of you are missing the fact that the mortgage applications and the one accepted were done before we were married! I don't think it was updated or new ones were done after we were married.

yes my DF says he has the paper trail to show that

I could get an job right now and would be happy to although as pp said does it make much sense for me to get a job, I can only get part time and not a great one as I don't have my degree yet, for money we don't need as a family, that would make my life much harder juggling studying with childcare. When I was working before things got very tough when he would have to be out of the country for work and I have then 4 dependants to juggle on top of uni deadlines and work, plus as I said I'm trying to work on building my own at home business which requires a lot of time input.

no @rubysparkles1 they wanted like a 25% deposit

I'm sure this has already been asked but how many kids do you have?

@Tierne to answer your questions

The marriage was a rush because we'd finally had a mortgage offer which had a deadline, in addition to a lot of pressure fro solicitors and sellers etc to close the house purchase, so we had to get married quickly because my DF wouldn't gift the money otherwise, under the belief that married, I am protected. We were all in a temporary living situation which was cramped and stressful and I believed too much stalling and we would risk losing the house we were trying to purchase.

My DF isn't very elderly but there are other health issues and things which mean no one wanted him to be alone.

We struggled to find somewhere to rent largely because the size four family means we ned a big house with a couple of other requirements and they don't come up often in our area for less than ridiculous money!! then there was the stamp duty holiday which meant everything good was getting absolutely snapped up instantly like crazy, so we were having to search very far away which was far from ideal. There is a valid reason why my dh doesn't have a lot of credit history in this country which sometimes causes issues on their checks.

I hear you. I feel a bit lost career wise. I know I need to earn and quickly to safeguard myself, I'm doing my degree but I don't know what to do after that exactly. I thought a masters would give me better options for something high earning?

The last question I honestly don't know. I don't remember it ever coming up.. maybe it was to do with tax or something, I just don't know. My DF said it's the same as indirectly inheriting it through marriage

4 between us

Bear in mind there were a few things I didn't feel I could tell my DF to do. I didn't feel I could tell him what to do with the 100k, I couldn't make him get legs advice I told him he should and I made the appointment that we went to together but he paid for that, cash was tight at the time.

I think, realistically, you need to prioritise independent legal advice for yourself. Go alone and pay for it yourself. Make it a mission to find out all the legal and financial information you can and photograph or copy all the paperwork you can find; take it with you to the solicitor.
Finish your degree.
Get a job and ensure you either have your own bank account or that if all accounts are joint, you have access to all.
You can do a masters degree later/part time/through the OU.
Do NOT get pregnant.
You and your DH must agree a fair arrangement for child care.
I hope you manage to figure it all out.

Your husband should be willing to sign a declaration of trust stating that he holds the legal title on trust for himself and you/your dad. That doesn't affect the legal title at all. If he won't sign that, or makes excuses not to, then he's absolutely just taken you and your dad for a ride. You've been very silly and naive. Your dad doesn't sound savvy at all I'm afraid.

Now it's past 6 months, get your name on the deeds.

How did he deal with childcare before he met you?

You sound like a nice person OP.

It sounds to me like DH isnt tax resident in this country, which explains the travelling for work so frequently and the reason why a) credit checks are hard for him and b) you needed a hefty deposit to make for that.

Considering your own credit rating isnt the best, your DF probably felt there was no other way to secure your living conditions for you except by offering a deposit for a house. Although if he is a homeowner and is vulnerable as you say, the smartest thing would have been for him to sell his house and buy a bigger house in his name, that you would all then move into.