Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

1000 replies

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:33

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

OP posts:
PinotPony · 09/09/2022 22:14

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 20:59

@BadNomad I thought being married does though, as other people have said, it's an asset of the marriage so in the event of a divorce they will usually be split down the middle

The starting point for divorce is 50/50 but the Courts adjust that balance depending on a number of factors. In a short marriage with no children together, you'd probably both walk away with what you put in. He'd walk away with your £100k.

I'm surprised that you got as far as drafting the Deed of Trust with a solicitor but then didn't sign it because you were told there was an issue with getting a mortgage. Did you not go back to the solicitor once you'd agreed to DH's proposal that he be gifted the money?

Original poster
howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 22:14

I could explain the financial side of things but it would be too identifying

OP posts:
SpinCityBlues · 09/09/2022 22:18

OP, who pressured you marry him?

Summerholidays2022 · 09/09/2022 22:21

lawyer appointment ASAP and do some investigating of your own into his finances. Was the mortgage broker his friend or did he pay him a huge fee to move this in his favour?!

SheilaWilcox · 09/09/2022 22:21

You married and now plan TTC with a man you don't trust???

Summerholidays2022 · 09/09/2022 22:22

Is you marriage legal in Britain ? Very important

NCFT0922 · 09/09/2022 22:22

@howdidIgetthere I don’t encourage anyone to post identifying details on here, ever. But I think you’re going to have to provide some vague context as it’s just not adding up.

Summerholidays2022 · 09/09/2022 22:24

yes you should as much information and hopefully someone with good legal advice can help. You are in a very worrying situation and so are your children

Octomore · 09/09/2022 22:24

It sounds as though he was the one who rushed all of this.

OP - you are obviously young, and when you are young 2-3 years feels like a long time. But it really isn't. You have barely got to know this man, and most of your relationship prior to engagement/marriage will have been in lockdown times. You won't have been able to really get to know his friends, family well and see how he interacts with them. And add to that the secrecy about finances etc.

All of this is reflected in the fact that you don't fully trust him - your subconscious knows full well that you don't yet know this man well enough to trust him.

bellac11 · 09/09/2022 22:25

Blossomtoes · 09/09/2022 21:16

You can't be named on the deeds if you're not on the mortgage

You can.

Generally you cant, there are some reasons and situations where the lender doesnt mind but generally lenders dont like it and wont allow it

Octomore · 09/09/2022 22:27

NCFT0922 · 09/09/2022 22:22

@howdidIgetthere I don’t encourage anyone to post identifying details on here, ever. But I think you’re going to have to provide some vague context as it’s just not adding up.

It definitely doesn't add up. Scrabbling for a deposit, yet with plenty of capital for improvements.

wellhelloitsme · 09/09/2022 22:28

in the past I have found that he has not shared information with me on things I should have known and I get very upset about it

Financial things?

OP planning a life with a man you can't trust is foolish but ultimately your decision, albeit one that is making your existing children's security less stable.

Planning to TTC with a man you can't trust is completely irresponsible.

Original poster
howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 22:29

I really can't say the details as it's one too many to be very identifying but there is an explanation why a year ago cash flow was an issue, yet this year it is not

OP posts:
NCFT0922 · 09/09/2022 22:30

So has he paid your dad back then? Assuming he’s had a win of some sort.

NCFT0922 · 09/09/2022 22:31

How many children are actually involved? Who lives in this house and how many children are yours and how many are his?

Familylawso1icitor · 09/09/2022 22:32

I haven’t read the full thread so others may have said this but I have read all your posts OP. I’m a family law solicitor. I have no concerns whatsoever about this situation for you.
The matrimonial home is always a family asset regardless of who has paid what. A gift from your father won’t be excluded from division from you. It will absolutely be available for division in the event of a divorce. You have registered home rights and that is all I would advise you need to do.

Zwicky · 09/09/2022 22:33

I’m in an incredibly similar situation, except we bought the house 22 years ago. The mortgage broker got us a better deal if the application was in DHs sole name. I was unemployed and pregnant and it was a self cert mortgage which I think stopped being a thing after the crash. Broker said I looked like a drain on DH and we’d get a better rate in just DHs name.

our mortgage is almost paid off now but I’m in a position where if DH died I’d have to pay inheritance tax because we aren’t tenants in common. We were married about a year when we bought it, first marriage for both and all dc are joint so I’ve never worried about not being able to make a claim if we divorced.

I paid the deposit from my bank account. I vaguely remember having to sign something than stated the lender would be able to get their money first if DH defaulted.

I am not on the deeds because the lender, quite reasonably, didn’t want to lend a person 90% of the value of a house they only have a 50% claim in. It’s different now because our mortgage is small and I’m the higher earner atm.

our lender (Barclays) will not allow me to go on the deeds using the land registry online form - they are insisting that we use a conveyance solicitor. It’s costing us about £700.

They need to approve the solicitor.

We are currently going through paperwork and affordability checks etc. the new mortgage will tie in so I will go in the deeds at the same time.

There is a stamp duty implication in certain circumstances

The land registry have some really useful videos on youtube

even if you do get on the deeds, I don’t think you can ringfence your £100k. It was a gift. It wasn’t even a gift from you, it’s from your dad so hard to claim it’s yours at all really.

You need the bank and the solicitor. The bank can’t just put you in the deeds, the solicitor can’t sort your mortgage.

bellac11 · 09/09/2022 22:33

Dont post any more information on here OP despite requests, you just need to see a solicitor

I would worry that your husband would find out that you are getting help, you need to do this without informing him first of all so you get your facts right.

Octomore · 09/09/2022 22:35

our mortgage is almost paid off now but I’m in a position where if DH died I’d have to pay inheritance tax because we aren’t tenants in common.

Who told you this? There is no IHT on bequests from one spouse to another.

londonlass71 · 09/09/2022 22:37

Are there any emails or anything in writing between any of the 3 of you about the agreement? I mean other than the money laundering trail.

Pushmepullu · 09/09/2022 22:51

OP you keep on contradicting yourself. Is your name on the deeds or not? First you say it’s not, then you say it is. You say you are tenants in common then you appear to not understand what that means. You sound very confused and probably are getting more so reading this tread. You really need to get some proper legal advice.

marvellousmaple · 09/09/2022 22:51

How many kids do you have and ages? Why were you all renting together when your dad owned a house - that he subsequently sold to finance the 100k deposit?
Also , what so you mean by "marriage idea"? Whose idea?

qualitychat · 09/09/2022 22:53

you do need to have your name on the mortgage to be on the deeds otherwise the lender couldn't claim if you defaulted on the loan. I would remortgage, get your name on the deeds and also get an agreement drawn up to confirm the gift of your father. I honestly don't know why this was never explained to you by a solicitor.

Blossomtoes · 09/09/2022 22:57

you do need to have your name on the mortgage to be on the deeds

You don’t. I wish people would stop peddling this nonsense. It’s simply not true.

BigDaddio · 09/09/2022 22:58

Not sure I'm understanding your situation correctly - If you are putting deposit in then you should be on the mortgage - I can understand about lender not wanting 3rd party (ie your DF) to have stake in the house as they don;t want their equity claim challenged in the event the house would be taken back (sorry to mention that). definitely get some good impartial legal advice. Make sure there is a record of the "gift" from your DF to DH so DH can't claim it was "his" money that he put into house.....good luck

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread