To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

Her DF is a grown man. He's been foolish, but that's not the OP's fault

Your 100k is gone. Even if the house was split 50/50 you wouldn't get that 100k back because it wasn't ringfenced as yours or your father's.

This is a load of rubbish, who told you that?

I had naff all credit rating when we bought our house, I had only graduated 3 years prior (mature student). Never had any issues with this.

I’m still really confused about this part of your story OP.

When you wanted to safeguard your interest in the property, you decided to travel abroad and have a quick and secret marriage in a registry office there. Which must have taken time and money to organise.

Why on earth didn’t you take just a fraction of that money and go down to your local high street and pay a solicitor to give you independent legal advice as to how you could protect your interest ?

Wouldn’t that have been easier and more reliable that a sudden and secret marriage which you plan to lie about for the rest of your life ? Its such an odd way to deal with a legal / financial problem. Especially for someone who is intelligent and educated enough to be at university.

It’s also a very reckless way to behave if you have children. As a mother, you don’t have the luxury of being careless with large sums of money.

Why on earth didn’t you take just a fraction of that money and go down to your local high street and pay a solicitor to give you independent legal advice as to how you could protect your interest ?

The DH probably said Gibraltar was the best plan, so Gibraltar it was!

With respect there is a difference between having no credit rating and a poor credit rating. The OP had a poor credit rating due to defaulting on previous loans. Lenders will not rush to give her a mortgage let alone a 500K mortgage.

Her DF is a grown man. He's been foolish, but that's not the OP's fault

^ a "grown man" who feels he is had reached the age heeds to live with his daughter.

I am also dubious that the 100k has been used towards the house purchase - do you have any proof that it was? The solicitor would have made checks as to the origin of the deposit which would have involved your father and there would have been a paper trail.. You say the house has had significant improvements made on it since - do you know where the funding for these improvements has come from?

Good point.

If he needed the £100k deposit from her DF, then he won't have had the kind of capital required to make improvements.

Either, he's super high earning and just has loads of capital - in which case why did he need the £100k from OP's DF?
Or he doesn't have loads of capital - in which case how did the improvements get funded?

You say you don't know what your husband earns or how much is in his bank account - if I was you I'd be doing some detective work in order to find out, particularly with regards to the account the 100k was transferred to.

She's in her 20s! Unless he's Mick Jagger, how old can he really be?

OP - have you asked your DH where the capital came from to make the improvements?

What I'm thinking is that it would have to be fairly expensive and substantial improvements carried out in order to 'significantly' (as the OP puts it) increase the value of a 600k house. I do appreciate that a 600k house varies depending on where you are in the UK but generally speaking you'd have to spend a fair amount to see it increase the property value beyond general market fluctuations.

Get your name on the deeds. If anything were to happen to DH, the house would form part of his estate. You need it to be named on the deeds. Have either of you made a Will? If neither of you has made a Will, you both would be deemed to have died intestate, and the rules of intestacy apply. If he has made a Will, you need to be certain that the house has not been bequeathed to someone else. If that were the case, you could challenge the Will as a dependent, but you don't want to have that hassle.

Why is he telling people about when the house was bought? Are the renovations something that you have agreed to or been consulted about? It seems odd that all this is going on, but your DF was asked for money to buy the house. What I'm thinking is whether the renovations are being carried out with a view to selling.

"I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected." But you are not happy, and you are not protected. I would have thought it would have been better for your DF to gift the money to you, then you could pay the deposit (cutting out DH as the "middle man"). If DH is a "high earner", why is he getting handouts from your DF? Sorry to ask, but is DH much older than you, OP?

OP, did your DH put in any deposit?

Make a solicitors appointment as soon as you can. And make sure you take as much info with you as you can. Date of exchange on the house, date of completion. Copy of land registry. Copy of marriage certificate. Etc.

It doesn't make sense. You should be able to be on mortgage irrespective of credit score if your DH is the primary on the mortgage. Apart from that you can be on the deeds irrespective of anything, including debt.

Realistically, you've lost at least half of that £100k if anything happens to your DH or you get divorced. He can will his half of the house to his children. And as others have said, you don't even know if the whole amount was used as deposit, or has been spent on other things. If he's been really clever, he's maxed out the mortgage, so if he leaves you and the house is sold there will be no profits to split.

No you can’t be on the deeds irrespective of anything!

OP you are being given and are reading a lot of incorrect information on this thread. For your own sake read this and get legal advice.

www.expertmortgageadvisor.co.uk/mortgage-help/sole-mortgage-when-married/

Honey, you didn’t speak to this broker. Your husband is lying through his teeth. The only part that rings true is that your dad was too old to go on the mortgage - and tbh, if he’s not too far over 60 most lenders would probably have allowed him on a 20 year term as the third applicant.

OP does your DH display any traits of narcissism? Suggesting you elope to Gibraltar without telling friends & family under the guise of marriage (aka romance) is a massive, massive red flag. In reality he was trying to push you into a hasty decision to get the 100k for himself. At the same time he was probably pleased to save money on the whole wedding faff (even though you had a real wedding afterwards it was probably a lot smaller & cheaper than if you hadn't eloped). Narcs are famously stingy and controlling with money and get a kick out of manipulating people for their own pleasure. You were hoodwinked into thinking you dodged a legal loophole by gifting the inheritance but he just wanted it for himself because he could.

He probably charmed and manipulated your father as well so I wouldn't blame him entirely for sending over the inheritance. Deliberately dropping hints about the date of the purchase is also his way of trying to make you feel uneasy. If he outright wanted to scam you, he would never mention the house purchase again because he wants you to think everything was done the way you assumed. By hinting you might not actually have a stake in the home he's actually being cruel and trying to wind you up for his own pleasure. So fighting it with a solicitor might not be the best or most feasible idea anyway.

We're all from the UK, Yes I know his job and yes I know where current money is coming from. @pawkins yes that's why I'm uneasy and the fact he has avoided making an appt with the bank. there is no right of residence no, I know there should be, again this was spoken about with the solicitor before the situation changed.

I see now I was far too complacent with my DF, I trusted that if he said it was ok then it would be. I am 99% sure the 100k was spent on the deposit I know he was scrambling to get the deposit together yes he put in some too.

Yes @Octomore It was not ideal in any shape or form. Everything became a huge stress about getting the house before we lost it. we were not in a good living situation we'd been struggling to rent before that and had other houses fall through, we'd spent almost a year as it was trying to buy it all came to a head and believe me I was very stressed at the time about it.

@itsnotmeitsdefinitelyyou trust.. I trust that he's not a bad person but a point of conflict in our marriage is that I don't think he is open enough and communicates with me. yes his job is all consuming and stressful and I know he finds it frustrating to go over things with me and share mundane things when he has so much on his plate but in the past I have found that he has not shared information with me on things I should have known and I get very upset about it. so I don't think he's a bad person or necessarily has bad intentions but I do not trust that he shares everything with me and would not do things to his advantage without me knowing.

Yes exactly I have pulled him up every time he's said that like what on earth are you saying and he insists (now) that yes he bought it months before. I asked my dad and he said there is no way in hell it was bought before we were married. the date on the deeds is a month after.

"Then it was posed as how about me and your DF. I was not very happy but I said it had to have my dad on there. then again after lots of complaints from the broker about it being so hard because of his age it was posed as 'let me try with just you (DH)', At the time I said no way and was told it was just a test. well they had a very good mortgage offer and as I said this is when the arguments came because I was very strongly against this."

"Let me try with just you (DH)"
and
"just a test."
Followed by,
"As I said this is when the arguments came because I was very strongly against this."

I'm very sorry, but there are red flags all over this. If it was "just a test" then it should not have been followed by a lot of arguments against you over your sense of your own safety in order to rush you into it. And I think you know this because after all of the soothing of your fears (used to get you to agree to an arrangement that gave your "D"H official ownership of a significant part of your inheritance) by saying that after six months you could be put on the deed, six months have passed and your DH is changing the story and saying he bought it before you got married and is reluctant to put you on the deed.

Every single aspect of this sounds odd and worrying. The live-in father and OP's 'inheritance' given straight to husband. The possibly vanishing deposit. The house purchase via dodgy broker. DH's mysterious income yet flashy finances. The hasty marriage abroad, circumventing the registrar. OP young, kids from a previous relationship, completing a degree, yet absolutely naïve. The vague improvements yet magically increased house valuation. The no divorce 'yet'. Repeated artificial time pressure meaning OP excluded from meetings, rushed into decisions, with no independent legal advice, and apparently no documentation.

What on earth is really going on?

Sorry OP but it’s not adding up.

A high earner who has to “scramble around to get the deposit together”, needs 100k from his new FIL as seemingly doesn’t have enough capital of his own for a deposit on a 600k house yet has enough money for extensive renovations of said house?

Do you see how strange this all sounds?

oh, and you don’t know his income. So how do you know he’s a high earner? Do you know his family? Have you met his friends?