Family won't respect our no screen policy foe DS

[MoMuM7]

I have a no screen policy for DS (1 yo). Everyone who watches him ie family, childcare knows this. I've recently discovered that my sister has been letting him watch TV for HOURS when he goes over to hers. She loves him to bits but why won't she abide by my rules? Is it really that hard to entertain a child? BTW she's single, lives alone and as far as I can tell has no other responsibilities/distractions that would cause her to plonk DD infront of the telly.
I have now decided she can only see him when I'm around. She's very upset. Family thinks im over reacting. AIBU?

You really need to chill OP.

Your child will be watching YouTube videos of other children playing Roblox before you know it! And you'll just be keeping your fingers crossed that's there's no bad language 😂😂

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time. A no screen policy is very reasonable for 1yo, they don't need it and certainly not for hours and hours. We didn't start at 1 but I really wish we'd delayed it longer as it's really hard to say no as they are older.

I recently baby sat my nieces ( no children myself) for family recently, a whole weekend. One day it was lashing down rain all day - yes we watched tv all day as nit much else to do. Lucky my family have no rules like this. They are three, but they weren't fully watching it. They were dancing to the songs, then got toys out that were the same characters as we were watching. They weren't sitting like zombies glued to the screen. They just don't have that attention span so i be surprised that your one year old had an attention span to watch the TV for hours on end. I am not surprised that your sister is hurt. I be very hurt to if i was told i couldn't mind my nieces or nephews. I am available to help out if asked, i dont expect payment for babysitting (they always leave me nice food or a takeaway voucher though) Raring children is hard work, dont knock any help you can get. Apologise to your sister . Pay for childcare in future,

To be fair if she asks to have him then does nothing with him I think you're right to just say she's not having him unless there's a planned activity

My elder son and his wife don’t let my grandson watch screens. I would not dream of not respecting their wishes.

My younger son and his wife did let my granddaughter but have now decided that it’s causing her problems, this is a lot more difficult to deal with because she will kick off if you won’t let her have a screen. I deal with that and respect her parents instructions all the same.
This is your child and anyone who cares for them should respect your red lines wether you pay them or not. However they also, if not paid, have the right to say that they can’t accommodate your instructions; which I suspect you would prefer.
I’m pretty certain that your sister didn’t realise how important this is to you and I hope you can talk to her and anyone else who looks after your child and impress on them why you feel so strongly about this (I totally agree with you by the way).
Then you need to ask them if they are prepared to respect your instructions, if not then I don’t think it’s in the slightest unreasonable to insist on being there when they spend time with your child.

*No, I don't pay her nor has she asked for payment. She basically takes him to hers for 'quality auntie time' and all they do is watch TV. No walks to the park, no playing with toys or reading books just TV.

It doesn’t sound like a great arrangement tbh.

Remember you’re in charge of his schedule and his activities should either be necessary (like childcare) or benefiting him in some way. He’s not there to give your DSis the cool auntie experience.

So if she wants to see him for a few hours then let her know the hours he’s available and that he needs to be home for nap time. Or needs a nap in the pram or whatever. If she can’t facilitate that, then she’ll have to see him another time.

Its sad so many people are ok for young children to watch tv. Unfortunately it seem to be the norm in the UK.
I wouldnt be happy in your shoes at all. A/ because of the screen itself, B/ because she does something you dont want your child to do and she knows this. I never understood why people do this. I find it especially hard with food.

I am actually with you on this op. My son is older and watched an hour a day max but his mood changed and he would throw the biggest tantrums so we stopped tv and it drives me nuts when my parents put it on and tell me it does no harm. Yea well you are not dealing with the hitting, screaming and kicking that comes with switching it off! It also meant he would ask for tv over going out! At one years old they do not need TV and if someone is offering to look after a child they should be engaging with that child otherwise what is the point? This isn't bashing other parents who use TV it's about people ignoring your wishes. It undermines you as a parent and throwing round it did us no harm is a poor argument. There are many things that didn't do individuals harm but actually over all they do or they do harm other individuals.

He's getting quality auntie time because he's getting treats he is not allowed at home!

Tbh it does sound a lot. However if she is looking after her now and then no problem. Cbbc isn't going to harm her!

Exactly!!

All I can say is you must have the most compliant docile 1 year old in the history of the universe if you truly think he sits there and all he does watch TV for hours and hours.

Yes she might have it on but he's not going to be fixed soley watching it solidly the whole time.

If you don't like it then you're his parent and you can just say say no to her having him for so long or limit your visits to you both going. I don't understand why you're just leaving him there for hours if you don't actually need the childcare.

Posted too soon.

A 1yo won't have the attention span required to just sit and watch TV for hours on end. So she must be doing something else with him.

How did you 'discover' that your sister lets your baby watch TV 'for hours' every time he goes there, exactly?

However, unless he's at your sister's for several days every week, it's really no big deal and you're being a bit PFB.

How did you find this out, OP?

That is exactly what she's done now that she's found out. But she's told she is BU for that, too. She can't win. I understand her frustration.

Then stop sending DC OP.

But I wouldn't be expecting any future favours when you really need it.

You are being completely ridiculous and pfb.

Pay for childcare if you’re not happy. If I was looking after someone’s child on a regular basis for free I wouldn’t let them dictate how I spend that time as long as the child is fed and well looked after.

A close relationship with a loving aunt is more valuable than a few hours watching TV is harmful.

I consider looking after nephews/nieces a priviledge which needs to be earned. If the child or the parent arent happy then I loose the priviledge.

I've recently discovered that my sister has been letting him watch TV for HOURS when he goes over to hers. She loves him to bits but why won't she abide by my rules? Is it really that hard to entertain a child?

Why does she regularly have him for HOURS? And what does her being single and living alone have to do with it?

The reality is you can only control your child 100% while in your own care. If you don’t want them to watch any tv then don’t take up regular free childcare.
But there is really nothing wrong with a toddler watching a bit of tv while with family.

I don't get the no screen rule, what happens when he goes school / nursery? They do use screens there, pads, computers etc for learning purposes.

How do you know she lets him watch tv for hours?