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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DD to A&E?

305 replies

Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 18:07

Just to show her nothing is wrong? DD is 16 and has autism and adhd. She came back from college today and said one of her ‘friends’ told her to use a vape that they saw on the pavement as they we’re walking home, DD picked it up and used it and then told me when she got home. Apparently it had no vape left in it so didn’t work properly but DD tried it around 5-6 times as her friends we’re telling her to. Anyway now she’s home she’s overthinking (she does this because of her autism) and really worrying saying ‘what if it had dirt or soil on/in it from being on the floor and I accidentally breathed it in’ ‘what it vaping it (the battery was still working apparently) with nothing in has done me harm’ and so on. She’s saying her “voice sounds different” (it sounds the same to me) and saying her throat feels like it’s burning and her chest feels “weird” (DD can’t explain why it feels weird) and “hurts a little”. Me and DH have reassured her nothing is wrong but she’s overthinking still and having a full on autistic meltdown right now. Should I just take her to A&E and get her checked out just to show her she is fine? DD has never used a vape before this incident

OP posts:
BlodynGwyn · 07/09/2022 19:51

Use this experience to teach her not to let her friends talk her into doing silly things.

ArabellaScott · 07/09/2022 19:52

Okay. Meltdown script:

'I can see you're upset, I am here for you, I will not let you hurt yourself or me.'

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:52

So I thought we was getting somewhere with calming her down but her meltdown is getting worse again and DH has just shouted again saying he’s fed up with her meltdown and he’s just stormed out the house

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:52

BlodynGwyn · 07/09/2022 19:51

Use this experience to teach her not to let her friends talk her into doing silly things.

I will do when she’s calm

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:53

ArabellaScott · 07/09/2022 19:52

Okay. Meltdown script:

'I can see you're upset, I am here for you, I will not let you hurt yourself or me.'

I’ve been trying this but will keep trying

OP posts:
Cas112 · 07/09/2022 19:54

Even a disposable one with a battery still working?

No harm, if it was harmful then there would be thousands of people rolling round with chest pain🙄 my friends are constantly sucking on there's trying to get more out when there is nothing is. It they was really that harmful then there would be health warnings

'Do not suck when no vape left' etc this is ridiculous and I can't help but think your probably feeding into your daughters anxiety by questioning it

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 07/09/2022 19:55

Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:31

DH has started kicking off now too saying he’s “fed up” of her meltdown! Well shock horror but I’m tired of it too, it’s exhausting but don’t know what he expects me to do about it

Is DH NT?

if he is, tell him to STFU & grow up!

Either way actually, suggest he goes further a walk/shower/garden/bed/pub/neighbours... anywhere out of your way.

you don't need his manchild tantrum!!

Hope DD is continuing to cam down. X

ManateeFair · 07/09/2022 19:56

She hasn’t had an accident and this isn’t an emergency. It’s up to you as her parent
to deal with her meltdown, not an A&E department at a time when the NHS is in a period of crisis. You realise that getting your daughter ‘checked over’ when there is nothing wrong with her will mean someone in genuine need of emergency treatment will have to wait? Imagine being the parent of a child in severe pain who had to wait an hour longer because the medics were busy running tests on a hysterical teenager? ASD is not a free pass to misuse medical facilities. You need to deal with this situation at home. Don’t be so bloody wet.

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:57

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 07/09/2022 19:55

Is DH NT?

if he is, tell him to STFU & grow up!

Either way actually, suggest he goes further a walk/shower/garden/bed/pub/neighbours... anywhere out of your way.

you don't need his manchild tantrum!!

Hope DD is continuing to cam down. X

Show quote history

Yes he’s NT!

he’s already stormed out now but not before kicking off xx

DD has stopped calming down and is slowly getting worse again x

OP posts:
Twinsmummy1812 · 07/09/2022 19:58

You are clearly very anxious about any harm she has done herself from the empty vape even though you have been repeatedly reassured that it’s fine. I’m not being unkind by saying this but perhaps your anxiety is feeding back to your daughter?

I’m not experienced in people with ASD but could your presence be feeding her meltdown? What would happen if she was by herself for a bit? Or perhaps let her father take over for a bit?

Mum233 · 07/09/2022 19:58

Not A&E no even though I completely empathise. Can you afford a livi GP appointment? They will do a video call and reassure DD?

SunnyD44 · 07/09/2022 19:59

No one who is actually first aid trained no, or at least off the top of my head I don’t know anyone who is first aid trained

They don’t need to be first aid trained as you know she is not unwell.

ArabellaScott · 07/09/2022 19:59

OP can you make it clear you are listening to your DD, that you are there calmly with her? Just sit in silence and be with her. I've found a meltdown was often something my kid had to work through, and if I was there as a calm witness to ensure no harm came to anyone.

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 20:00

SunnyD44 · 07/09/2022 19:59

No one who is actually first aid trained no, or at least off the top of my head I don’t know anyone who is first aid trained

They don’t need to be first aid trained as you know she is not unwell.

might ask one of my friends if they can come round and “check” her

OP posts:
nutellachurro · 07/09/2022 20:00

Twinsmummy1812 · 07/09/2022 19:58

You are clearly very anxious about any harm she has done herself from the empty vape even though you have been repeatedly reassured that it’s fine. I’m not being unkind by saying this but perhaps your anxiety is feeding back to your daughter?

I’m not experienced in people with ASD but could your presence be feeding her meltdown? What would happen if she was by herself for a bit? Or perhaps let her father take over for a bit?

This in spades

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 20:01

ArabellaScott · 07/09/2022 19:59

OP can you make it clear you are listening to your DD, that you are there calmly with her? Just sit in silence and be with her. I've found a meltdown was often something my kid had to work through, and if I was there as a calm witness to ensure no harm came to anyone.

I’ve tried this but can try again

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 07/09/2022 20:01

I know that's easier said than done. The 'big emotions' will pass. It's okay for them to go through them. No harm will come of feeling upset. (to either of you).

SunnyD44 · 07/09/2022 20:01

I’m slightly concerned that the more you post, the more you are sounding anxious yourself.

So I’m not sure if this is her autism or actually you are putting your anxiety into her.

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 20:02

SunnyD44 · 07/09/2022 20:01

I’m slightly concerned that the more you post, the more you are sounding anxious yourself.

So I’m not sure if this is her autism or actually you are putting your anxiety into her.

I have accepted now that she’s not unwell, just need to try and calm her now which I’m doing all I can to try xx

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 07/09/2022 20:02

It's okay for the OP to be anxious, also (it's quite understandable!). It will pass.

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 20:02

Going to get back on the floor with her and hopefully try and calm her without getting hit xx

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 07/09/2022 20:03

We are all here with you, OP. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. Your daughter will probably unconsciously mirror this and it is calming.

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 20:04

ArabellaScott · 07/09/2022 20:03

We are all here with you, OP. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. Your daughter will probably unconsciously mirror this and it is calming.

Hopefully it works, keep everything crossed for us please

OP posts:
Sundayrain · 07/09/2022 20:04

Call 111, they'll go through questions and if necessary get a nurse to call back, hopefully would be reassuring. I've suffered with OCD and anxiety in the past and have phoned them a few times with things that certainly wouldn't worry me when my mental health is good. I've always ended up feeling reassured and never been made to feel silly for calling. I actually don't think there'd be anything wrong with calling in your situation, given she's so distressed.

WonkasBooboofixer · 07/09/2022 20:04

If you had to pay £100 for A&E visit would you take her 'to get checked over'.