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AIBU?

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Original poster

To take DD to A&E?

305 replies

Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 18:07

Just to show her nothing is wrong? DD is 16 and has autism and adhd. She came back from college today and said one of her ‘friends’ told her to use a vape that they saw on the pavement as they we’re walking home, DD picked it up and used it and then told me when she got home. Apparently it had no vape left in it so didn’t work properly but DD tried it around 5-6 times as her friends we’re telling her to. Anyway now she’s home she’s overthinking (she does this because of her autism) and really worrying saying ‘what if it had dirt or soil on/in it from being on the floor and I accidentally breathed it in’ ‘what it vaping it (the battery was still working apparently) with nothing in has done me harm’ and so on. She’s saying her “voice sounds different” (it sounds the same to me) and saying her throat feels like it’s burning and her chest feels “weird” (DD can’t explain why it feels weird) and “hurts a little”. Me and DH have reassured her nothing is wrong but she’s overthinking still and having a full on autistic meltdown right now. Should I just take her to A&E and get her checked out just to show her she is fine? DD has never used a vape before this incident

OP posts:
mothertrucking · 07/09/2022 19:15

Could you call a pharmacist for advice and maybe explain the situation about your DDs meltdown before getting them to speak to her?

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:26

Ok we might be getting somewhere, she’s still having a meltdown BUT has just had a sip of water after putting milk all over the carpet before

OP posts:
m00rfarm · 07/09/2022 19:27

Having a full on meltdown, I am not surprised she has a strange feeling in her chest. Her meltdown is giving her far worse symptoms than vaping an empty vape. I would not lie about the call - if you are ever found out she would never trust you again. I would leave her for twenty minutes and go somewhere in the car. Round the corner. Whatever. And then come back and say you have spoken to a nurse (there must be one on here so it is not a lie) and then give her the advice brush teeth, etc etc given above.

MiniDinosaur · 07/09/2022 19:28

I know nothing about vapes, but I do have a late teens ASD DC with health anxiety and huge issues with overthinking and catastrophising, so I can sympathise. Yesterday’s incident was a piece of sweetcorn ‘stuck’ in DC’s throat, triggering hours of ‘am I going to choke to death?’ panic. I stick with emphatic but bland reassurances so as not yo heighten the drama. It’s exhausting isn’t it.

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:30

MiniDinosaur · 07/09/2022 19:28

I know nothing about vapes, but I do have a late teens ASD DC with health anxiety and huge issues with overthinking and catastrophising, so I can sympathise. Yesterday’s incident was a piece of sweetcorn ‘stuck’ in DC’s throat, triggering hours of ‘am I going to choke to death?’ panic. I stick with emphatic but bland reassurances so as not yo heighten the drama. It’s exhausting isn’t it.

absolutely exhausting, sorry I don’t really know what to say x

think I’ll be up all night with her at this rate

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:30

m00rfarm · 07/09/2022 19:27

Having a full on meltdown, I am not surprised she has a strange feeling in her chest. Her meltdown is giving her far worse symptoms than vaping an empty vape. I would not lie about the call - if you are ever found out she would never trust you again. I would leave her for twenty minutes and go somewhere in the car. Round the corner. Whatever. And then come back and say you have spoken to a nurse (there must be one on here so it is not a lie) and then give her the advice brush teeth, etc etc given above.

Can’t head out as need to make sure she’s safe while having a meltdown

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 07/09/2022 19:30

I mean this gently OP. Knowing that someone is not experiencing a health problem but taking them to A&E anyway to prove to them that they are alright is not a good idea. Some people who have very real, potentially life threatening problems are sometimes waiting hours in A&E waiting rooms. My neighbour went to our local hospital with sepsis from a broken arm. He had to wait several hours. By the time they got to him, it was too late to save his arm and it was touch and go whether they would save his life. The last thing people with genuine emergencies need is people time wasting.

Namechange1990 · 07/09/2022 19:31

Explain nicely that you can’t goto a&e and perhaps suggest a phone call from the doctors. My boy is autistic and did exact same thing and exact same reaction… we went and got some listerine or some sort of antiseptic mouthwash and called drs next day to reassure him it’s hard but funnily enough he hasn’t done it since

nutellachurro · 07/09/2022 19:31

Ffs of course you don't take her to A&E for this

How bloody inconsiderate and selfish can you get

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:31

DH has started kicking off now too saying he’s “fed up” of her meltdown! Well shock horror but I’m tired of it too, it’s exhausting but don’t know what he expects me to do about it

OP posts:
mam0918 · 07/09/2022 19:31

Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 18:12

I don’t know if she actually has the symptoms she’s saying or if it’s her overthinking and worrying because of her autism

Show quote history

Im asthmatic and feel far worse than that after visiting my smoking friends house (lungs on fire, eyes burn, hurts to swollow, voice like bonnie tyler) yet I have never gone to A&E and obviously never died from it.

Even if she did inhale a foreign substance like smoke or nicotein from a vape it obviously would make her throat/lungs feel different but its not going to kill her, its litrally designed to do that.

Witsend101 · 07/09/2022 19:32

This sounds really difficult. I would phone 111 for advice or reassurance for yourself if you are worried about any potential vape side effects but I would be weary of doing anything that might reinforce your daughters concerns regarding dirt/health/vape side effects as if she has a similar worry in the future you might find it creates an expectation that you will phone 111 or go to A and e etc for reassurance. Do you think maybe she was already v. anxious with college and the vape incident has just been the final straw which led to the melt down. Meltdowns are really hard but I would just let it ride out on its own as long as she's in a safe place

Bluemeadowbaby · 07/09/2022 19:36

@Flyinghighinthestars just to add onto my last post...I do vape myself but I use the refillable one. On occasion I will use the new elf bars which are the disposables - I think this is what your DD and her friends found. If they run out of battery/puffs they are not fully done even when the little light flashes to show it is. Everytime one dies if I go back to it a while later I can get a couple of puffs out before it fully gives up and the flashy light on the bottom is no more. I must say, the flavour of those vapes (for me anyway) gets stuck in my throat and the inhale is quite harsh...considering they're 2% nicotine compared to my normal vape just at 6mg so I don't use them very often because of this.
Now I know you know the situation you're in with your daughter but I just wanted to let you know about them if you were unsure and if she's adamant about it you could maybe use this to agree with her in some element that what she is telling you may be correct however it won't harm her x

PumpkinGhoul · 07/09/2022 19:36

Ohh bless op I feel for you and your DD my DS is autistic and as others have mentioned those so called friends are not her friends awful of them to have encouraged her to have done that.
I don't know anything about vapes my DH vapes I'm sure nothing bad will happen.
She's likely feeling over panicked which is making her chest and throat feel awful I was a worry wart as a teenager myself and remember moments of utter panic and making myself feel worse which fuelled the belief that something was wrong 🤦🏻‍♀️ which it wasn't .
Also if she's screaming and having a melt that won't be doing her chest or throat any good only thing that can be done to ease it all is trying to bring her around from her melt calming down and perhaps pretending some cough medicine is the fix.

PizzaFunghi · 07/09/2022 19:41

Don't phone doctors or 111 or anything to reassure her, as then you risk her developing health anxiety that needs constant reassurance.

Instead keep explaining that her anxiety and panic are causing most of the symptoms; that the vape could cause a mild feeling in her mouth, but the rest of it is the worry and anxiety, and that they are real symptoms but you know how to deal with them - you can even show her online how to deal with panic attacks etc, because that is a genuine symptom and issue she is having right now. Don't just pretend to have a phone call with anyone. The panic symptoms are real, there are ways to help, she's going to need them again in the future, so best she understands how panic and anxiety work, how they make her feel, and what can be done to help. They are real, possibly painful symptoms, that need treatment - just not treatment from doctors or A&E. There are things she and you can do to help.

then she can learn that some symptoms can be monitored and dealt with as appropriate over time - so if the burning sensation lasted, she could then see a pharmacist or GP or whatever in a few days, or if it got worse, she could then see one more urgently. Everyone gets symptoms, and they often wait to see how they develop before seeking treatment, so she'll learn that she can do that too rather than jumping to worst case scenarios.

Goingforarun · 07/09/2022 19:41

She needs to go into her room. If she won’t go herself you and your husband need to help her. Good luck she will calm down.

TolkiensFallow · 07/09/2022 19:41

Oh love, this sounds really stressful.

I agree with all other posters that this isn’t a a&e job. A&e is for life threatening emergencies, which this isn’t.

Autism can increase sensory sensitivity though so she may have felt/tasted the remnant smell more than you’d expect and the sensation is unpleasant. Perhaps make her a steak inhalation? Or a warm drink? Or even some paracetamol? Just so she feels heard and cared for.

Are there any grounding strategies that work? Such as perfume, essential oils, warm baths or ice? Or a weighted blanket?

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:42

Bluemeadowbaby · 07/09/2022 19:36

@Flyinghighinthestars just to add onto my last post...I do vape myself but I use the refillable one. On occasion I will use the new elf bars which are the disposables - I think this is what your DD and her friends found. If they run out of battery/puffs they are not fully done even when the little light flashes to show it is. Everytime one dies if I go back to it a while later I can get a couple of puffs out before it fully gives up and the flashy light on the bottom is no more. I must say, the flavour of those vapes (for me anyway) gets stuck in my throat and the inhale is quite harsh...considering they're 2% nicotine compared to my normal vape just at 6mg so I don't use them very often because of this.
Now I know you know the situation you're in with your daughter but I just wanted to let you know about them if you were unsure and if she's adamant about it you could maybe use this to agree with her in some element that what she is telling you may be correct however it won't harm her x

She’s saying the light on it wasn’t even flashing so was off?? What does that mean? Sorry I know literally nothing about vapes xx

OP posts:
Goingforarun · 07/09/2022 19:43

Honestly don’t think fussing will help.

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:45

TolkiensFallow · 07/09/2022 19:41

Oh love, this sounds really stressful.

I agree with all other posters that this isn’t a a&e job. A&e is for life threatening emergencies, which this isn’t.

Autism can increase sensory sensitivity though so she may have felt/tasted the remnant smell more than you’d expect and the sensation is unpleasant. Perhaps make her a steak inhalation? Or a warm drink? Or even some paracetamol? Just so she feels heard and cared for.

Are there any grounding strategies that work? Such as perfume, essential oils, warm baths or ice? Or a weighted blanket?

Will try all these, thank you so much for the help lovely, appreciate it more than words can tell right now, will try all these suggestions right now

OP posts:
SunnyD44 · 07/09/2022 19:47

YABVU obviously but I do get your worry.

I actually think this is a very good lesson for her to learn and you could talk about the dangers of doing things like this once she’s calmed down, as it could have been something dangerous.

I guess it’s too late now but I will fully check my DD or students over if they are worried (temperature with a thermometer, hand on their head, ear to their chest, check their throat etc) and act like I know what I’m doing to put their mind at rest and stop the anxiety.
Once their anxiety goes then it’s much easier to see if they’re actually poorly or not.

I’ll check them over and if it all seems ok then I’ll say your absolutely fine.
9/10 they immediately go back to being themselves and carry on like nothings happened.
If they’re still acting odd like not eating or being extra quiet then I’d get them checked.

In this situation there’s no way your DD can be poorly from this, if she’s telling the truth about it, which it does sound like she is.

Do you have anyone close by who you can say is first aid trained and who is able to pretend to check her symptoms?
Just to put her mind at rest.

Bluemeadowbaby · 07/09/2022 19:48

@Flyinghighinthestars ah that's good! Means it was fully dead so she definitely wouldn't of inhaled anything from it. Basically on the bottom of the disposable ones they light up when you breathe it in and when they're finished fully nothing will come out of it and the light wont light up either when this is the case. Hope that helps and that it puts her mind at ease x

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:49

Bluemeadowbaby · 07/09/2022 19:48

@Flyinghighinthestars ah that's good! Means it was fully dead so she definitely wouldn't of inhaled anything from it. Basically on the bottom of the disposable ones they light up when you breathe it in and when they're finished fully nothing will come out of it and the light wont light up either when this is the case. Hope that helps and that it puts her mind at ease x

Oh DD said it didn’t light up on the side? So don’t know if the bottom lit up or not xx

would it have harmed her if the light was still working/the battery still did work then? Xx

OP posts:
Cas112 · 07/09/2022 19:50

No don't be ridiculous

Original poster
Flyinghighinthestars · 07/09/2022 19:51

SunnyD44 · 07/09/2022 19:47

YABVU obviously but I do get your worry.

I actually think this is a very good lesson for her to learn and you could talk about the dangers of doing things like this once she’s calmed down, as it could have been something dangerous.

I guess it’s too late now but I will fully check my DD or students over if they are worried (temperature with a thermometer, hand on their head, ear to their chest, check their throat etc) and act like I know what I’m doing to put their mind at rest and stop the anxiety.
Once their anxiety goes then it’s much easier to see if they’re actually poorly or not.

I’ll check them over and if it all seems ok then I’ll say your absolutely fine.
9/10 they immediately go back to being themselves and carry on like nothings happened.
If they’re still acting odd like not eating or being extra quiet then I’d get them checked.

In this situation there’s no way your DD can be poorly from this, if she’s telling the truth about it, which it does sound like she is.

Do you have anyone close by who you can say is first aid trained and who is able to pretend to check her symptoms?
Just to put her mind at rest.

No one who is actually first aid trained no, or at least off the top of my head I don’t know anyone who is first aid trained

OP posts: