I have come home from work…

[Itsokay2020]

To find that my ‘D’P has hacked away at two shrubs in our garden and it looks awful, beyond awful.

I do the majority of gardening and five years ago our new build garden was a completely blank canvas apart from a lawn and patio area. Since then I have planted trees, shrubs, plants and created a garden space that I am proud of, and a space we are complimented on. My phone camera roll is full of photos of the garden evolving over the past five years.

Today I receive a text to say that ‘D’P has hoovered, done some ironing and done some pruning, followed by a 😁 emoji.

He’s actually hacked away at two shrubs, which would have provided berries and shelter for the birds in winter, and reduced their size by a least 50%. They used to cover the plain wall of our carport, provided screening and allowed some privacy from our neighbours (and vice versa). No discussion took place, nothing.

AIBU to be so angry, to feel as upset as I do? Of course, they’ll hopefully grow back next spring. But they didn’t need to be reduced in size, I maintained them well and they looked really good! Now they are ugly, shapeless, and I simply don’t understand what possessed him!

AIBU? Any advice?

[Itsokay2020]

In response to neatness, I try to maintain a neat, tidy and clean house. However, I am more forgiving of the garden, preferring a pretty cottage style garden with lots of insects (particularly bees and butterflies) paying a visit. I work FT but love pottering about the garden, tidying but allowing it to grow and mature! Our soil isn’t great so there have been some losses, and some plants I know won’t grow! We are south facing, so that’s always another factor to consider. With so little rain, everything has suffered, but recent heavy rain has led to a lot of growth so I didn’t plan to do much cutting back until temperatures really dropped.

I am an amateur, but always willing to research and my DM is a great source of knowledge and advice.

The lilac will recover, hopefully the Cotoneaster will too and the Flamingo Salix is a hardy beast, but the garden won’t look as good as it would have done if DP had held off!

[TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination]

@Gymnopedie

I can see what you mean OP. The shrub itself looks much neater and more compact but it's exposed a glaring patch of bare wall - and that's the problem.

It doesn't help now, but maybe the answer is a trellis and something growing up it that sits flatter against the wall, and could actually cover it all without being too big for the garden?

DH perhaps??

[Forgottenmypasswordagain]

I think he did a good job. It will grow back in no time.

[Itsokay2020]

@TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination 🤣🤣

[KnickerlessParsons]

The thing with plants, as with hair, is that they will grow back.
I also think the pruned version looks better 😁

[ChiefWiggumsBoy]

I think it looks fine, but I'm not a gardener.

I'd be pissed off too @Itsokay2020 if I'd spent time and effort getting something the way I wanted it and my partner then unilaterally 'ruined' it because he decided to do a job you didn't even want doing . Tell him next time he thinks about doing the garden, he can mow the lawn and strim the edges and if he's still gagging for a job to do, strip the beds or something.

Why do men who are shit with keeping house do this? Like, why won't you just dust the surfaces or hoover more regularly? I don't WANT you to clear out my make up or trim my plants or rearrange the fridge!

[silverbubbles]

I was also expecting a lot worse. They will look 'better than before' next year with the new growth.

[Forgottenmypasswordagain]

I forgot to say, mine is 25 yrs old, I chop ours down to approximately a metre high every other year. It quickly grows back to 2 metres. Don't worry.

[hewouldwouldnthe]

I don't think there are many husbands who don't know much about gardening who haven't done this. mine has and half the people I know have had hacking husbands. They have no idea if a shrub flowers on the growth it puts on this year, or don't need pruning, or if you're supposed to do it in the spring and so on. They are twats, but get the message eventually

[WibbleBibble]

Neatness in the garden is a very old fashioned idea and we have realised that nature does far better when we stop trying to have the typical neat lawn and everything in its place. Gardening is moving on from that thankfully!
Dh didnt do as bad a job as I thought he'd have done, but I agree with you re providing shelter and sustenance for the wildlife.

[Numbat2022]

I understand OP. I don't like neat and tidy gardens either 😳 And now you've lost the berries and the wall cover.

Could you put trellis up and plant something else to cover the wall? A clematis?

[dawngreen]

You could maybe paint the wall, or put a screen near it. Or hang pots or a bird box.

I dread when my fella's dad get helpful in the garden. He cut back some laurel bushes for me, and I said don't leave the bits on the front gravel area. He left them there. And this time told me he trimmed them, and I said they had grown from the left cuttings, and they actually needed digging up to stop them growing back fast. And I intended to sell or give them away. lol.

[Johnnysgirl]

I'm with you, op, preferred it before. I don't do "neat" when it comes to gardens.

[Saynotothefishtank]

Ugh that is such man-gardening. My DH does it too OP, he thinks plants are there to be terrified into submission.

He’s now only allowed to prune under supervision and preferably not at all 🤣

[userxx]

@Johnnysgirl

I'm with you, op, preferred it before. I don't do "neat" when it comes to gardens.

I'm the same.

I'd be well pissed off.

[Lalalolol]

@Itsokay2020 it's not that bad. But I like your version. You have a lovely garden

[Mummydoingmybest]

Looks like a salvia which I think won’t take long to come back again? Or maybe I’m wrong now it’s nearing autumn!

[supersop60]

I am on your side OP.
My DP has a tendency to 'help' without checking what is actually the right thing to do. Eg, chopping back plants that he thinks are weeds, reducing my philadelphus to sticks (my absolute favourite thing in the garden), and repotting my orchid (a gift) in normal soil, then trying to bend it's only flowering shoot and breaking it.

[EarringsandLipstick]

@Itsokay2020

It's not about the 'neatness' element (tho I don't think they look excessively neat); I think the shrubs previously were in poor condition & in need of a prune. Away from appearance, this has helped the plant in term of its health.

I do agree it was several weeks too soon tho but it's still not a terrible decision.

[Twawmyarse]

It's an improvement. I also think it's a bit controlling to think that only you can do the gardening.

At least you don't have a dh like mine who has moved a (dead) bush from the back to the front garden, creating an eyesore in what was a previously nice tidy space (cleared of another dead bush last year by the gardeners) and now it looks - well - like there's a straggly dead bush in the front garden. He's convinced it will "come back" once it "takes root ". He doesn't know anything about gardening. I've told him if it still looks dead in a months time im taking it out again and sticking it on the bonfire.

[CanadianJohn]

I'm with DH. Sorry, OP

[Schtuck]

It's a shame he cut all the purple flowers off and I know what you mean about the screening.

They should grow back even better though so keep looking forward to that.

[Itsokay2020]

@EarringsandLipstick one is a lilac and was about to flower again, the other a Cotoneaster which needs only careful pruning to retain its shape. Appreciate the before photo wasn’t great, but they truly were lovely and didn't need to be touched just yet 😔

[NotMyDust]

@Saynotothefishtank

Ugh that is such man-gardening. My DH does it too OP, he thinks plants are there to be terrified into submission.

He’s now only allowed to prune under supervision and preferably not at all 🤣

yup once my DH has the shears nothing is safe

[Ray92]

Oh no no no.
Neat and tidy shrubs are not for me.