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AIBU?

I have come home from work…

285 replies

Itsokay2020 · 07/09/2022 17:34

To find that my ‘D’P has hacked away at two shrubs in our garden and it looks awful, beyond awful.

I do the majority of gardening and five years ago our new build garden was a completely blank canvas apart from a lawn and patio area. Since then I have planted trees, shrubs, plants and created a garden space that I am proud of, and a space we are complimented on. My phone camera roll is full of photos of the garden evolving over the past five years.

Today I receive a text to say that ‘D’P has hoovered, done some ironing and done some pruning, followed by a 😁 emoji.

He’s actually hacked away at two shrubs, which would have provided berries and shelter for the birds in winter, and reduced their size by a least 50%. They used to cover the plain wall of our carport, provided screening and allowed some privacy from our neighbours (and vice versa). No discussion took place, nothing.

AIBU to be so angry, to feel as upset as I do? Of course, they’ll hopefully grow back next spring. But they didn’t need to be reduced in size, I maintained them well and they looked really good! Now they are ugly, shapeless, and I simply don’t understand what possessed him!

AIBU? Any advice?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1768 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
33%
You are NOT being unreasonable
67%
Itsokay2020 · 07/09/2022 17:38

Photo from before the ‘hack’ (sorry not from
the same angle, but hopefully gives an idea!)

I have come home from work…
OP posts:
Itsokay2020 · 07/09/2022 17:38

And this is what I have come home to

I have come home from work…
OP posts:
TheJudgment · 07/09/2022 17:40

Not ideal and very annoying (as I am a keen gardener myself) but it’s done now. Accept it and graciously thank him! Oh and not to be repeated ever again lol

TheJudgment · 07/09/2022 17:40

He’s done a good job btw!

Itsokay2020 · 07/09/2022 17:43

@TheJudgment I’m glad you think he’s done a good job! I’ll never agree that the wall or fence is more attractive than the shrubs when they’re flourishing 😔

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 07/09/2022 17:43

Sorry but I think his version looks much neater and better.....

TheJudgment · 07/09/2022 17:44

Just tell yourself they will come back stronger and healthier next year..

Robin233 · 07/09/2022 17:44

It's very tidy.
I was expecting a lot worse....

VladsPants · 07/09/2022 17:45

I voted yanbu but looking at your pics it’s not as bad as I thought. I totally understand your feelings though. My dh did the same although he gave my ceanothus a ridiculous flat top 😭😭😭

I have told him if he ever attacks my acer we’re getting a divorce.

mistlethrush · 07/09/2022 17:46

The only thing my DH is good at it in the garden is complete clearance - if there's any subtlety to be considered I have to do it. Or supervise very carefully. Normally I do the pruning and then ask him to get the mound into the brown bin!

Otezres · 07/09/2022 17:46

Sorry - another vote for DH - they were straggly before and now look neat and compact. A good shape.

FallopianTubeTrain · 07/09/2022 17:46

Looks neat and tidy. Gold star for your DH

hoochyhag · 07/09/2022 17:47

He can come round and sort my garden out 😂

Itsokay2020 · 07/09/2022 17:47

Yes, agreed, it looks neater, but that wasn’t the look that I was trying to achieve! Against harsh lines of the building/fence, the shrubs softened the look of that corner and I don’t feel
it was necessary to cut them back, so much, right now.

But I think the main issue is the lack of discussion, literally nothing. We clearly need to work on communication 😔

OP posts:
Itsokay2020 · 07/09/2022 17:49

@hoochyhag you’re welcome to him 😂

OP posts:
JuneOsborne · 07/09/2022 17:49

It's not as bad as you made it sound, but yeah, agree the issue is just going and doing it when you're the one who tends the garden!

Pumpkintopf · 07/09/2022 17:49

Given the garden is your domain why would he have taken it upon himself to do this?

Castaspell · 07/09/2022 17:49

I was about to be on your side as my husband dug up some of my plants recently for a reason he still can't seem to explain except he was "helping".

But sorry, they look much better in the after photo.

Teddletime · 07/09/2022 17:50

I agree that your husband has made a good job of the pruning. I enjoy gardening and I am impressed by his work. They will grow much better next year because of his efforts
advice online for pruning now -

Begin by finding long, newly grown shoots which have been extending since late spring. You can shorten those, now. Follow each long stem back towards its base.
When you've found where the long stem joins the plant, count up to six or seven leaves along that stem. Sever the stem just above the sixth or seventh. You will be shortening that stump a little more, next January.
But if you prefer to do your pruning in one go, cut the stump a little shorter, leaving four or five leaves now.
Flower clusters will develop on each stump for next spring's show.

GreyGreyGreyEverywhere · 07/09/2022 17:50

Team DH here too, it'll look amazing next spring and in the meantime its very neat. Do you consult him on everything you do in the garden?

Leafy3 · 07/09/2022 17:52

They're not nearly as bad you made out, op! I'm with you in spirit but I have to say I think they might healthier for the brutal prune Blush

StopDrivingIntoMyFence · 07/09/2022 17:52

I think it looks nice and tidy. I understand how you must feel frustrated though if the garden is your domain and he didn't discuss it.

isadoradancing123 · 07/09/2022 17:53

They look much better now

PrincessFiorimonde · 07/09/2022 17:54

StopDrivingIntoMyFence · 07/09/2022 17:52

I think it looks nice and tidy. I understand how you must feel frustrated though if the garden is your domain and he didn't discuss it.

This is what I think too.

richcouncilhousetenantfreehouse · 07/09/2022 17:55

I think they look great. Sorry.

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