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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's a fair amount of maintenance to expect in this situation?

105 replies

anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:16

I've NC for this as don't want it linking to other threads for anonymity.

I'm leaving my partner soon (many reasons but abuse is one of them). I'm not at the point of moving out just yet - still looking for suitable places and working out finances etc. So none of this has been discussed directly with my STBEx partner just yet, so no idea what he will agree to. Nor do I know if he plans to have our DC overnight and how often etc. so these things will need to be ironed out. But just wanting an idea of what's a "fair" contribution to expect from him.

We have one DC aged 18 months, who attends nursery 3 days a week and on the other 2 days each of us has a day off work to care for our child. Childcare costs for this are in the region of £500-580 per month depending on how many weeks / days in the month. Average cost would be around £530.

He earns a net monthly income in the region of £2,200-2,900 per month, overtime depending.
He has 2 other DC who he pays £250 pm maintenance for.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:19

I forgot another pertinent piece of info: we have a joint credit card debt of £2,500 that needs to be paid off, too (but is solely in my name). The debt relates to a joint purchase but the card is in my name. Currently he contributes to the repayments monthly as we still live together. Should he continue to contribute to this, too?

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 07/09/2022 12:21

Use an online Child Maintenance Calculator to work out the minimum that you can expect.

The parent who has responsibility on a certain day needs to pay CM. The CM amount does not include nursery costs. If you are on a low income then UC may help with nursery costs.(up to 80% iirc)

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:25

Thanks for your reply.

The calculator won't help me though as he's found a loophole to avoid the CMS amount for his other children, unfortunately. They calculate him to be eligible for "nil rate" for his 2 other children despite earnings as stated in the OP. So he makes up his own amount to give to his ex wife.

OP posts:
FlorettaB · 07/09/2022 12:26

It’s not fair but I doubt you’ll get more than £200 a month.

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:27

Yeah I'm thinking that's all I'll get too. I doubt he will honour his part of the joint debt.

OP posts:
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/09/2022 12:27

Unfortunately what you think is fair is unlikely to matter in these circumstances. He'll make up his own again.

SpinningFloppa · 07/09/2022 12:31

Just go through cms, no one can tell you what he should pay only them

NoMichaelNo · 07/09/2022 12:32

anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:25

Thanks for your reply.

The calculator won't help me though as he's found a loophole to avoid the CMS amount for his other children, unfortunately. They calculate him to be eligible for "nil rate" for his 2 other children despite earnings as stated in the OP. So he makes up his own amount to give to his ex wife.

Report him to HMRC then.

SpinningFloppa · 07/09/2022 12:36

Who is keeping the joint purchase, I’m guessing you and it’s in your name so you need to pay it, also did you know he was fiddling the cm before you decided to have a child with him?

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:37

SpinningFloppa · 07/09/2022 12:36

Who is keeping the joint purchase, I’m guessing you and it’s in your name so you need to pay it, also did you know he was fiddling the cm before you decided to have a child with him?

The joint purchase was a holiday.

No I didn't know

OP posts:
Sanch1 · 07/09/2022 12:37

You can use the calculator to work out what he 'should' pay then you have a starting point.

I think you may have to kiss goodbye to contribution on the debt. It he was a stand up bloke who'd help with that you wouldnt be leaving him I assume?

Royalbloo · 07/09/2022 12:41

He won't be legally liable for the debt.

LemonSqueezy0 · 07/09/2022 12:44

Do you know what loophole he has found? Maybe close that before you leave, if you can. Also see if he will give you a lump sum towards the joint debt.

If the loophole is closed, the CMS will be split between all the children evenly, with you getting a third. He won't have to pay towards nursery either, but you may be entitled to government support towards childcare costs.

LittleOwl153 · 07/09/2022 12:45

You'll be lucky to get 200. My guess is he'll tell you and the ex to split the 250...

Try and get cms to look at his earnings properly - using his tax return. It won't be easy but any proof you can lay your hands on might help.

In terms of the credit card debts you are screwed, so I'd probably try and recover some of the amount from anywhere you can get your hands on - do you have any joint accounts? Can you divert funds from elsewhere? Yes you'll have to be sneeky, but if you k ow he's not going to pay for the kid properly then you need to get as much of that debt from him as you can.... unless you have written proof that it was jointly agreed and joi tly paid on your card then the small claims court might be worth a try - but feels unlikely.

PeekAtYou · 07/09/2022 12:53

Sorry I missed the nil rate bit.
I think best case scenario is you get a third of the 250 and his ex gets two thirds of the 250.
He won't have to pay towards the credit card debt.

florenceandthemac · 07/09/2022 12:55

Totally depends on how often he will have him overnight.
He may want him 50/50, and as long as he isn't abusive to your DC, it's only fair he is given that choice. If it is 50/50 then no maintenance but share the bills for DC (childcare etc)

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:57

He won't want 50/50. Almost certain of that

OP posts:
Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:58

He sees me as the default parent and anything he does is "helping" me, so no, he definitely doesn't want to parent 50% of the time

OP posts:
Sanch1 · 07/09/2022 12:59

anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:58

He sees me as the default parent and anything he does is "helping" me, so no, he definitely doesn't want to parent 50% of the time

He might if he thinks it'll get him out of paying for anything?

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:01

@LemonSqueezy0

He used to run a self employed business. It doesn't trade anymore and it turns over nil profit. When he went into employment after this he didn't update it and the CMS do not appear to have caught up, either, still sending letters saying "nil rate". He claims he has contacted them to change it and yet they continue to make the same error, but I'm not sure he has. I really don't understand how it can happen as I assumed the CMS had access to earnings directly from HMRC? So they surely should be able to see he's in employment? It's bizarre.

OP posts:
Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:03

@Sanch1

It wouldn't really though, because in order to keep his FT job he'd have to pay childcare costs on his days so he could work. He also works antisocial hours sometimes, long shifts and weekends etc, that do not fit in with the typical childcare times, so he'd need additional childcare to cover say 5-8pm on his longer shifts. He doesn't have that (other than me). He would struggle to look after her 50% of the time without going part time at work, and since this represents a financial loss to him, I can't see him wanting this.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 07/09/2022 13:07

Since he's a liar, it's probably pretty easy to assume he hadn't contacted them.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 07/09/2022 13:09

If he's now employed try and get hold of a pay slip or the details on one and give it to the cms

It's doubtful hell pay towards childcare but you may be entitled to some help with that

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:11

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

All his pay slips are electronic and he accesses them via an app on his phone. There's no way I'd be able to get my hands on one as evidence unfortunately.

OP posts:
Lovethesun100 · 07/09/2022 13:14

I would dream up a reason why the joint holiday debt needs to be repaid asap, then leave once the debt is cleared.