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Original poster

What's a fair amount of maintenance to expect in this situation?

105 replies

anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 12:16

I've NC for this as don't want it linking to other threads for anonymity.

I'm leaving my partner soon (many reasons but abuse is one of them). I'm not at the point of moving out just yet - still looking for suitable places and working out finances etc. So none of this has been discussed directly with my STBEx partner just yet, so no idea what he will agree to. Nor do I know if he plans to have our DC overnight and how often etc. so these things will need to be ironed out. But just wanting an idea of what's a "fair" contribution to expect from him.

We have one DC aged 18 months, who attends nursery 3 days a week and on the other 2 days each of us has a day off work to care for our child. Childcare costs for this are in the region of £500-580 per month depending on how many weeks / days in the month. Average cost would be around £530.

He earns a net monthly income in the region of £2,200-2,900 per month, overtime depending.
He has 2 other DC who he pays £250 pm maintenance for.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Testina · 07/09/2022 13:21

At a guess, the most he’ll give you is £125 (as he’s giving the other mother £250 for 2). But more likely you’ll get £125 each, or you’ll even get £80 as 1/3. CMS does allow an adjustment for other children, so I daresay he’ll make up his own self serving bollocks version of that!
Ignore any crap from him and take it through CMS.

Pay the credit card off from joint income as quickly as you can, he’s not going to accept any of that, and as he’s only your boyfriend there’s fuck all you can do about that.

What’s your housing situation?

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:25

@Testina

The other two children have no childcare costs, though. So I don't think it would be fair of him to think the same contribution is appropriate for our DC, when I'm then left to find £500-600 every month to allow us both to work. Not sure how he could logically argue this tbh.

We are renting so leaving is easy enough, no house to sell thankfully.

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 07/09/2022 13:32

If he was paying through the CMS, you'd get one third and the ex would get two thirds. Childcare isn't a consideration when it comes to CM - it's a flat percentage of income divided by his kids.

Do you qualify for help from UC with your childcare costs ?

lickenchugget · 07/09/2022 13:32

Childcare costs aren’t factored into CMS payments, it’s based solely on his salary, how often he has them and if he has any other DC he is responsible for (or even just living with!). If he has successfully managed to convince the CMS he is on nil payment for his other DC, then the same will apply to you.

Unless you are married, the credit card debt is legally yours.

Apologies for being blunt, but I’ve watched too many friends leave then only realise the extent of their situation afterwards. As a PP has said, try and get the CC balance paid off before you leave, and try and find out exactly what he is doing work wise, so you can give the CMS as much info as possible to look at revising his claim.

MsPincher · 07/09/2022 13:34

You get 1/3 of total amount. If he is earning about 35-40k (based on the figures yu provided) you would probably get about £100 or so a month. It’s is rubbish and cms are crap at chasing anything.

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:37

PeekAtYou · 07/09/2022 13:32

If he was paying through the CMS, you'd get one third and the ex would get two thirds. Childcare isn't a consideration when it comes to CM - it's a flat percentage of income divided by his kids.

Do you qualify for help from UC with your childcare costs ?

Yes but he's already paying significantly below what he should for his other two, as I've said, he's plucked his own amount of thin air because the CMS continue to insist he's eligible for "nil rate" despite an income of almost 3k some months

OP posts:
Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:40

It's so ridiculously unfair that CMS doesn't factor in childcare costs.

So by default whoever the child is residing mostly with (usually the mother), they are automatically responsible for paying childcare even though that childcare is enabling both parents to continue working.

Fucking joke.

OP posts:
lickenchugget · 07/09/2022 13:40

anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:37

Yes but he's already paying significantly below what he should for his other two, as I've said, he's plucked his own amount of thin air because the CMS continue to insist he's eligible for "nil rate" despite an income of almost 3k some months

Show quote history

I’m not sure what your point is on this response OP, but realistically he’s hardly going to pay you anything? No matter what you deem as ‘fair’.

He’s going to treat you exactly as he treats the others.

Catfordthefifth · 07/09/2022 13:42

anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:40

It's so ridiculously unfair that CMS doesn't factor in childcare costs.

So by default whoever the child is residing mostly with (usually the mother), they are automatically responsible for paying childcare even though that childcare is enabling both parents to continue working.

Fucking joke.

Yep. Have you checked if you'll be eligible for any help with childcare from UC?

If not you can sign up for tax free childcare which helps a little bit.

SpinningFloppa · 07/09/2022 13:43

How are you just learning this? No it doesn’t cover child care costs and will be split between your child and his other two and will go down even more if he’s having any over nights it’s based purely on his income and a percentage of it from what you’ve said and calculating it you will get around £100 a month

FilePhoto · 07/09/2022 13:43

How long ago did he stop being self employed and enter employment? As i understand it the CMS review cases yearly unless someone notifies them of a change of circumstances. So unless his other ex has asked for a review they won't have picked up if he has a job.

Based on him earning £1400 pcm and not having the dc overnight he would have to pay £152 per child per month. (This would reduce if he had them overnight) Sadly he isn't legally liable to pay towards childcare.

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:44

Yeah I know @lickenchugget

My question wasn't "what is he likely to do"? I know the answer to that because he's a selfish arsehole, hence why I'm leaving him.

My question was what amount do others deem reasonable and just. So I can cross check it with my own views and decide whether I'm being unreasonable or not in my expectations, before I approach him with my views.

Yeah, the reality is he's probably going to tell me where to go and he'll make up his own figure and opt in and out of parenting his child when it suits his life.

But it's worth at least approaching him with an amount and asking if he would be prepared to pay it, at least? An amount that factors in our child and childcare costs as well as the joint debt. And of course the number of nights he is prepared to look after her.

OP posts:
Marvellousmadness · 07/09/2022 13:44

Prepare for a bucketload of unfairness coming your way op :(

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:45

@SpinningFloppa

How am I just learning about CMS and childcare costs? Probably because I'm only just in the situation of needing to learn it? Strange question.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 07/09/2022 13:46

I thought it was widely known! I get £7 a week from my ex, have you never heard people getting tiny amounts like £7?

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:48

@FilePhoto

His self employed business hasn't traded for around 3.5 years. He's been in his current employment for about this time, maybe slightly longer, closer to 4 years. There was overlap between his business still trading and his new employment starting iirc.

Where are you getting £1400 a month from? He earns anywhere between 2,200 & 2,900 net.

OP posts:
MsPincher · 07/09/2022 13:49

You could definitely ask him to pay more. But unfortunately cms will only make him pay about £100, if that. Sorry op - welcome to the unfairness of being a single mum.

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:50

@SpinningFloppa

Yes. I have. When their exes are on benefits or in prison.

I haven't heard of a loophole whereby someone is earning close to 3k a month at times and qualifies for "nil rate". Nor did I realise that an employed father with a well paid job doesn't have to contribute to the childcare costs that enable them to keep that job.

OP posts:
Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:51

So £100 is the approx amount that would come up on the CMS calculator for earnings of that amount?

Fuck me. That's........ fucked up.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 07/09/2022 13:51

Is he employed or self-employed? If he is employed CMS can approach his employer for details. He is going to get himself into a lot of trouble if he doesn't sort this out.

Original poster
anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:53

He's employed.

OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 07/09/2022 13:53

I think you have to move forward assuming you will get nothing that you can actually rely on. I have several friends whose ex dhs led them and cms a merry dance for years. The only salvation really was that the benefits system assumes this too and therefore through working and getting top up benefits they could survive.
It's wrong but I think you are best working on that assumption.

lickenchugget · 07/09/2022 13:53

This is what I was alluding to on my first post; people seem woefully unaware of the situations they are in, especially if they are not married. If you are married, then your main child-rearing responsibilities may mean you at least receive a larger proportion of assets, and any debts would be jointly liable.

You should be able to ring the CMS to update them with where he works and a rough idea of his salary, so they can investigate. But CMS split three ways will be small, even if he owns up to his full salary. And he could go on to have more children, or even move in with someone who has kids and it would reduce further.

’Fairness’ and ‘logic’ rarely apply.

SpinningFloppa · 07/09/2022 13:53

anonquestion22 · 07/09/2022 13:50

@SpinningFloppa

Yes. I have. When their exes are on benefits or in prison.

I haven't heard of a loophole whereby someone is earning close to 3k a month at times and qualifies for "nil rate". Nor did I realise that an employed father with a well paid job doesn't have to contribute to the childcare costs that enable them to keep that job.

well there are loopholes where people claim benefits but are actually working cash in hand but can’t prove it, sadly it’s very easy to get out of paying cm.

MsPincher · 07/09/2022 13:55

Ok - based on your figures his basic wage is about £34000 per annum. That calculates as a total of £330 per month maintenance to split between all his children. So about £110 per month op for you.

he’s probably lying about the nil rate thing. Report him to cms - you may as well get something.