What's a fair amount of maintenance to expect in this situation?

[anonquestion22]

I've NC for this as don't want it linking to other threads for anonymity.

I'm leaving my partner soon (many reasons but abuse is one of them). I'm not at the point of moving out just yet - still looking for suitable places and working out finances etc. So none of this has been discussed directly with my STBEx partner just yet, so no idea what he will agree to. Nor do I know if he plans to have our DC overnight and how often etc. so these things will need to be ironed out. But just wanting an idea of what's a "fair" contribution to expect from him.

We have one DC aged 18 months, who attends nursery 3 days a week and on the other 2 days each of us has a day off work to care for our child. Childcare costs for this are in the region of £500-580 per month depending on how many weeks / days in the month. Average cost would be around £530.

He earns a net monthly income in the region of £2,200-2,900 per month, overtime depending.
He has 2 other DC who he pays £250 pm maintenance for.

Thank you.

I will probably have to opt out of my pension contributions just to make it financially possible to leave an abusive situation and keep my own career.

That's all kinds of messed up.

In fact if the details are as you say, he is lying - there’s no « loophole ». But cms are crap at enforcement.

@MsPincher

I've seen the letters that say nil rate. He's not lying.

I meant £2400 (fat fingers). I took a rough average of his income.

CMS should (according to what they told me) have picked up that he's employed. But then, they think my ex is unemployed even though I sent them the name of the company he works for and his NI number.

He might be employed as a contractor - this could easily result in nil rate.

They just don't appear to have been able to catch ok with his current situation. So he's capitalising on that and deliberately paying his ex below what he should be.

In that case they are acting on out of date or incorrect information on his income. You can correct this.

If he's a DP as per your post and not a DH and debts are in your sole name then he's not responsible for it. Is he self employed? I'd be trying to find any proof of his earnings you can so he can't weasel out of paying the right CM.

Have you provided his ex with the information regarding cms?

If you only want replies on what is fair, not what is likely…

It’s fair to equally split the cost of childcare, and all other child costs.

This. If you’re unmarried and the CC is in your name then it is not joint debt, no matter what you agreed when you made the purchase.

He isn't

I don't have any contact details for her

😕

So it would seem fair / reasonable for me to propose / ask for at least £250 a month, then?

That's half the childcare costs. Nothing else factored in there.

That's also half the costs on a cheaper month

What makes you think he'll give you anything?

@SavingsThreads

He despises his ex wife and he pays her £250 a month. Despite it being less than what he should according to CMS calculations, he still pays something. So i'm sure I'll get a token gesture. Just wondering what amount to go into the discussion with and start from there.

Not quite right. Childcare is your responsibility on the days DC is with you and his responsibility when DC is with him. If you end up with EOW then yes it will all fall to you.

@LunaAndHerMoonDragons

Right. So he could hypothetically say "I'm only having her EOW and every Tuesday" (his set day off work to look after her), for example. He then might decide to have her overnight on Monday evenings so she's there on Tuesday morning for his agreed day, and then keeps her Tues night too, taking her to nursery on Wednesday morning before he goes to work. Then I will arrive at nursery Wednesday evening to collect her and she's with me until the following Tuesday evening.... and so on.

So who is responsible for the Wednesday childcare payment? If he dropped her off there on the Wednesday morning so he can go to work, and I picked her up after work?

In other words, how do you determine who is financially responsible for the childcare on that day? When it's enabling us both to work?

Complicated.

“So it would seem fair / reasonable for me to propose / ask for at least £250 a month, then?”

Nobody can answer this for you.
Fair is subjective.
What if he works weekends and says it’s you that needs childcare, not him?
What if it was an accidental pregnancy that he never wanted to continue?
Forget about fair.
Work out half the cost of raising your child, including childcare, tell him that’s what you want - and expect not to get it.

I think you need to get out of the mindset of thinking it’s unreasonable for him to pay for his child. I say half childcare + half all other costs, and you ask if half childcare is fair. No, it isn’t. Forget fair - tell him you want half all costs - and then go to CMS and get far less than that but more than he wants to give.

Fair and reasonable don't matter unless he is capable of being fair and reasonable. Given his treatment of his older DC I really don't think this is going to happen. He gives 2 DC £250, I think he's more likely to come back with £125. Wanting him to contribute to the care of his child isn't an unreasonable feeling to have. Expecting someone to act more kindly in seperation than they did beforehand isn't a reasonable expectation. If he was capable of change you wouldn't need to leave.

It's the nights that count. So if he has her Tuesday night, that is his day. Wednesday is your day.

CMS are suppose to look at his earnings every year directly from HMRC.

So if he started his new job after his CMS assessment was due for his other 2 children then it will be a full year before he will be reassessed.

You'd also need to work out who was responsible for what days in terms of who should nursery call on a Wednesday? Is it his or your responsibility to pick him up if sick.