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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On holiday with boyfriend - not going great due to family

101 replies

Hottimesahead · 05/09/2022 10:21

Boyfriend of 5 months and I are on holiday for 1 week. Visiting my parents for 3 days ( staying in a hotel) and 4 days elsewhere. First day was great as we had alone time. Next day we spent with my parents who are very intense. Basically we are happy wandering about stopping for coffee etc. said we didn’t want to do long car trips, just enjoy the villages and sun. Both been stressed at work so just wanted to chill and not have a timetable. Place we are at is very quiet and not much to do. I did warn him, but he said he was happy to be with me.

My parents idea is to spend every waking minute with us - timetabled out. They wanted to take us out for a short car ride for lunch, she said 30 mins max. Ended up being a 4 hr round trip in a car with a huffy mum as she thought we should of planned to do stuff. We were not happy as she lied to us in destination. Parents talked at us whole way there - exhausted at the end with no 2 way conversation.

Boyfriend is being polite, but I can tell is hating it. We plan to leave early tomorrow to next destination. I did warn him they are a lot before he booked and parents will take over. Had a quiet word with my mum and she has left us alone now, but is not happy.

boyfriend and me are now sitting in silence - he normally is very affectionate . Was Not the romantic break I imagined. I hope this is situational and not a turn for worse in our relationship. I hope next place with more to do with bring us alive again.

help with what to do. I feel my relationship is doomed

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 05/09/2022 10:26

You can’t have seriously expected a romantic break if your parents were there? Nor can your bf.

sounds difficult but you have time left. Cut your losses and get rid of the parents for the remainder of the holiday. Sun is shining, plenty of time left to salvage.

CurlsLDN · 05/09/2022 10:29

Discuss it with him, bring it into the open.

"Hey my parents have been a bit intense haven't they? I wasn't expecting them to be so full on, it must be a lot for you! I've asked mum to back off, so today we'll just do X with them for X hours. I'm looking forward to just being the two of us tomorrow."

It does sound situational, this is a pretty new relationship and three days with your folks is intense for anyone. That's not to say anyone has done anything wrong, but he was probably also hoping for a picture perfect time and is now struggling to figure out if he's enjoying himself or not. But you can share those feelings and bring yourselves back together, without throwing your mum under the bus or apologising for anything, as everyone's acted in the way they thought would be best

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 05/09/2022 10:34

Well any romantic break that I have been on certainly didn't involve my parents.

Are you very young OP?

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 05/09/2022 10:44

Its inevitable that they are going to be intense on a 3 day visit with their daughter if you live away. Your bf knew what he was signing up for. It was perhaps a bit early in the relationship for that level of intensity. Talk to him, if he cares about you he'll understand that this is about your relationship with parents and not your relationship with him.

Frazzled2207 · 05/09/2022 10:51

Btw I went on a very intense holiday with my now dh about 2-3 months after we got together. Thinking about it it was a bit make or break. Anyway that was 14 years ago.

GoneWithTheWine1 · 05/09/2022 10:54

It was never going to be a romantic break with your parents there! 😂 YABU purely for this fact.

millymog11 · 05/09/2022 11:00

When you say "staying in a hotel" are the parents staying in the same hotel too? Who is paying for the hotel just out of interest?

Afterfire · 05/09/2022 11:00

Can’t he / you try and see the funny side of it? It’s not worth being this intense and miserable over a couple of days. Most parents are annoying…!

Original poster
Hottimesahead · 05/09/2022 11:05

Thanks all. I have spoken to him and he says he is fine. Made a joke and said Xmas is not going to be spent with my family 😂😂.

I was going away and joked he should come and save me. He jumped at spending time with me and I fully told him about family.

we are staying in a hotel and parents are in their own flat

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 05/09/2022 11:06

No way would my young adult dc involve us, their parents, in any extended time with someone they only met 5 months ago. And we wouldn't want them to. They would drop in for dinner or meet for a cup of coffee but that's it. I think you made a mistake joining up so much with your parents who obviously have little awareness of this time in a relationship. Hopefully the holiday will begin now.

Christonabike37 · 05/09/2022 11:07

Sounds like you've spent one day with your parents and think it's ruined your relationship. I'm pretty sure I could spend one day with anyone and survive.

SleeplessInEngland · 05/09/2022 11:08

YABU for presumably knowing what your parents would be like and going anyway.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 05/09/2022 11:08

I would say a one off it's fine. We took ils for lunch once.
Mil packed up the most expensive steak on the menu in a napkin..
To take home for her ddog.
Never treated her out again.
Took fil several times. He was a great man!!

diddl · 05/09/2022 11:12

3 days with "intense" parents??

Even without a boyfriend in tow-why??

CharlotteRose90 · 05/09/2022 11:13

I think you’ll be fine. He knew he was coming to meet the parents. You’ve got time left . Do something he wants to do without the parents or go show hiM the sights of where you are.

Nsky62 · 05/09/2022 11:13

One day enough

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/09/2022 11:18

When was the last time you saw them? One full day spent with them isn't that much to ask

Original poster
Hottimesahead · 05/09/2022 11:20

my mum had only says would spend one day with us. But that was trapped in a car. we Agee’s for that.

When we arrived she sprung another day on us. Managed to get us away from that. We had planned to meet for coffee and dinner for the other3 days. Parents decided otherwise.

is it normal to be sat together travelling fir a day out , him reading and me on my phone?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/09/2022 11:20

Five month-old relationship? Dear God, one day would have been asking enough/too much.

I managed a couple of days away with my in-laws after 4 years and they almost did my head in. Luckily they almost did DP's head in too so we could laugh about it.

Yes, your relationship is doomed if you keep putting him through this. Poor bloke! Too much pressure.

Have the rest of the time to yourselves.

KyrieEleison · 05/09/2022 11:22

Have you seen The Cockfields? Underrated comedy on Sky with similar parents..

10HailMarys · 05/09/2022 11:23

Your parents sound incredibly overbearing and you should have stood up for yourself more, but if one shit day with pushy parents is enough to 'doom' your relationship after five months, it probably wasn't that healthy a relationship in the first place! I think you're probably panicking a bit, as the relationship is still really pretty new and you haven't yet had the chance to see how your boyfriend reacts in every different situation.

I see your update confirms that things are now fine between you, so all's well that ends well. Enjoy the rest of your holiday and hopefully the rest of it will be the romantic break you wanted.

whumpthereitis · 05/09/2022 11:28

The thing is, thinking you can handle something and actually handling it are two different things. It’s sounds like he found that one out quickly lol.

He’s probably just a bit overwhelmed with how full on they are, and exhausted.

diddl · 05/09/2022 11:28

is it normal to be sat together travelling fir a day out , him reading and me on my phone?

Is it just the two of you/long journey?

Seems odd to me but if you want o talk-put your phone down & do so!

10HailMarys · 05/09/2022 11:32

is it normal to be sat together travelling fir a day out , him reading and me on my phone?

Do you mean when you are alone as a couple? Yes, that's normal. If a couple are spending all day every day together on a holiday, there are obviously going to be quiet times. You'd probably both go mad if you didn't have any silent times. Your boyfriend in particular has just spent three days of having to be sociable and on his best behaviour with your parents. He's probably mentally exhausted and grateful for some silence to recharge. Is this your first relationship?! You must know that a couple have to be to comfortable with silences sometimes. I'm actually wondering if your parents' intensity have given you a slightly skewed idea of what's standard?

(If you mean is it normal for you and your boyfriend to spend four hours in a car reading/on the phone with your parents because your parents think that a four-hour drive is a reasonable thing to impose on other people on holiday, then no, not normal, but it's your parents who aren't being normal in that scenario, not you.)

NovaDeltas · 05/09/2022 11:34

Visiting parents is always dreadful. Visiting someone else's parents is hellish. What did you expect? Of course he's bored out of his wits. There's nothing romantic about being with some random older couple fussing and complaining.

What a strange holiday.

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