On holiday with boyfriend - not going great due to family

[Hottimesahead]

Boyfriend of 5 months and I are on holiday for 1 week. Visiting my parents for 3 days ( staying in a hotel) and 4 days elsewhere. First day was great as we had alone time. Next day we spent with my parents who are very intense. Basically we are happy wandering about stopping for coffee etc. said we didn’t want to do long car trips, just enjoy the villages and sun. Both been stressed at work so just wanted to chill and not have a timetable. Place we are at is very quiet and not much to do. I did warn him, but he said he was happy to be with me.

My parents idea is to spend every waking minute with us - timetabled out. They wanted to take us out for a short car ride for lunch, she said 30 mins max. Ended up being a 4 hr round trip in a car with a huffy mum as she thought we should of planned to do stuff. We were not happy as she lied to us in destination. Parents talked at us whole way there - exhausted at the end with no 2 way conversation.

Boyfriend is being polite, but I can tell is hating it. We plan to leave early tomorrow to next destination. I did warn him they are a lot before he booked and parents will take over. Had a quiet word with my mum and she has left us alone now, but is not happy.

boyfriend and me are now sitting in silence - he normally is very affectionate . Was Not the romantic break I imagined. I hope this is situational and not a turn for worse in our relationship. I hope next place with more to do with bring us alive again.

help with what to do. I feel my relationship is doomed

You can turn down 'invites' from your parents. They might get the huff, but sometimes it's the only way to teach them that they cannot make plans and expect you to lump it.

YABU. You sound young, entitled and ungrateful. You are visiting your parents for 3 days and by your own admission the first day was great. Your mum tried to take you somewhere special for lunch and your threw it back in her face. I bet 4 hours in the car is a wild over exaggeration, perhaps there was more traffic than she expected but I’m not buying it. You are staying in a hotel so immediately that gives you time and space apart. Why on earth did you drag your boyfriend to meet them if you didn’t want to spend any time with them? God help you when you have kids!!

This absolutely.

If you can laugh about it, I think you will be fine. My parents seem to revert back to treating me as a teenager when I visit and now this seems to include DH. DH has had a driving licence for over forty years but my dad still tells him which lane to get in and when to change gear. 😆

We have turned down invites. We only arranged one day with them - they tried to hijack more. My parents have no boundaries. I have told them.

@Stircrazyschoolmum think you need to read carefully. Was not an exaggeration, not a special lunch. She has form for doing this to so end time with her kids. No not young, didn’t drag my boyfriend.

If you are your boyfriend becomes the 'one' and you go on to have a family, you seem as if you are going to struggle with doting grandparents.

You need to stop worrying so much about pleasing him. It's one or two days not a life sentence. If he's in it for the long haul it's hardly a big deal to have a less than enjoyable couple of days. Your family are who they are, you can't bend and shape them into something more pleasing to your boyfriend or get stressed they may not pass muster with him. You've learned that spending a holiday with them doesn't work. Fine. Don't repeat it. Relax, laugh about it, move on. You don't owe him the perfect family.

How old are you OP?

Rather than agreeing to your parents’ slightly OTT expectations and moaning about it, you need to say no. My mum would quite happily line up a full day’s worth of activities for me and my husband to do with her every weekend, but there’s no way I’d agree, and she can’t force us. Just say, oh that sounds nice but we’ve already planned X, sorry.

Tbh, if your parents are loving and kind then him already joking about not spending Christmas with them/criticising them would get my back up.

Maybe not stay with your parents if you just want to chill. Your parents will have just wanted to show you a bit of the area they live. I'm not a fan of going abroad and sitting by a pool everyday. I like to see some culture of the country I am visiting. They probably just thought they were making your boyfriend feel welcome. But got a bit over baring.

I feel sorry for your parents, you're really not coming across well here op

OP, I did read carefully, you agreed to spend one day with them and to date you have spent one day with them! (Which begs the question why you booked for 3 and wrote in your opening post “ Visiting my parents for 3 days” rather than visiting the area they live in?!?)

Very intrigued to where you are staying if 4 hours isn’t an exaggeration as I can get through the centre of London and up to Cambridge in an hour and 45!!

I'm sure your parents miss you and want to spend the 3 days with you if they don't see you often, how often do they see you?
Still I get that they were probably being a bit too intense as mine csn be suffocating at times but I cant imagine visiting my parents village and only wanting to meet for coffee etc..especially if you've got 4 days elsewhere

Visiting my parents for 3 days ( staying in a hotel) and 4 days elsewhere.

I actually feel a bit bad for your parents, you say in your first sentence you are visiting your parents for 3 days, but it seems like you dont want to spend any time with them at all.

But it started with you going to see your parents for 3 days and now you're complaining that you spent one day with them. You do sound ungrateful. Your bf was tagging on to your visit to your parents but you've turned it round as though your parents are interfering in your romantic trip away.

How often do you see your parents?

She has form for doing this to so end time with her kids

Thats very sad to read.

Yup. Mine too. But then I value my family more than I would a bf of 5 months.
Seems to me the OP cares only about impressing him and rather than taking on responsibility for organising that herself, has expected her family to fall into line to make it happen, blaming them when he's a bit huffy after a boring day.

I too am wondering how old you both are.

I think it's very normal to be sat in companionable silence with each other on holiday.

If he is looking drained, ask him what he needs and support him. Would he like to go for a walk on his own? Would he like some time alone in the room? Would he like the two of you to go out for a couple of hours doing something that is more his cup of tea? This is what me and DP do when one of us is a bit low on reserves.

Well, you say originally you were going away to spend time with your parents so I presume you would have been spending the whole week with them ? Now your partner is there youre turning them down a lot. Was it planned for you to spend 4 days away from them anyway even if your partner wasnt coming?

Laugh about it with him. Bottle of wine, some nice snacks at your new destination and say that was intense, far worse than even I expected. Now let’s have some fun. If he’s a nice bloke he’ll not hold this against you.

Dragging bf to meet parents after only being together 5 months sounds waaay more intense than anything your parents have done tbh.

I went to London for 3 days recently with my parents and DD. My Dad said leave the hotel to me. When we arrived he has booked a family room!!! I said I'm not staying in a room together and booked my own room with DD.

To be honest though we had a lovely time and I wanted to do it because they are getting old and we didn't always have a good relationship. Wouldn't do more than a few days though:)

Your poor mum has 'form' for taking her miserable offspring out to lunch?

Unless you are under 16, yes you are being unreasonable.