To think my partner acted like an absolute child!

[Shineshinecoast10]

Over the weeked me, DS, DP and her DD were at an event. I brought 2 camp chairs and thought she would bring along hers. She didn't. So we had 2 between 4 of us. Anyway I didn't mind standing. Me and DS came back from the toilet and DP and her DD were sitting on the chairs. My DS sat on the floor. I politely asked DP if he could sit on the chair instead.
She got in the biggest strop. Involved her DD and told her DD to get out of the seat and they both went and sat on the floor. I said her DD was fine to sit in the seat and I didn't want her DD to move. They both wouldn't talk to us and she created a frosty atmosphere.
My DS who is 6 then went up to them both to show them something. She made a comment to him saying I thought you wanted to sit down, go on, go sit down. It was me who asked for him to sit down not him.

I jumped in here and said this comment was uncalled for and for her to stop it. I didn't get an apology for the childish behaviour.

If it were the other way around I would not have minded giving my seat up for her DD. Me and DP are adults and I don't think a fuss should be made.

AIBU to think she behaved like a bratty child?

Whilst I agree she was immature, there as such a thing as first come first serve.

Speaking of immature....

@Hokeycokeyy

Another failed relationship for both of them.

What a shitty thing to say.

I'm sorry you're so unhappy that you post stuff like that about strangers.

Bizarre behaviour.

She said she wanted to talk about it in person so she isn't misunderstood. I don't think I want to listen to what she has to say because tbh I don't know how she will justify it

OP, just end this relationship. You don't need to listen to what she has to say. She's clearly one of those people who wants to draw everything out and spend hours having angsty conversations about it, and it won't help you in the slightest to have to listen to that.

Everything you've said about her makes her sound like bloody hard work. Sounds like she's incredibly easy to offend/upset. You don't want to be walking on eggshells all the time. Make a clean break and move on. And well done for working on your boundaries by the way! Sounds like that's been a really positive step for you.

Unreal.

OP you don't need a discussion or her permission to end the relationship. It's not a decision by committee with a required number of votes.

Someone who you say is often selfish, and has to have things their way, has now been nasty to your little boy just to make a passive aggressive point.

That's so indicative of someone who is fundamentally unkind and a prick.

It's over. The relationship is over.

Just tell her it's over. No discussion required.

But it wasn't a small thing @Hokeycokeyy
The chair nonsense is a total red herring.
The big thing is that it enabled OP to perceive how the relationship is all about his STBEx continual stropping as a technique to ensure she always gets her own way.

i do get the feeling mums net is full of people who have broken down relationships
Again - the value YOU place on relationships doesn't mean that being on one is more important than being happy, being treated respectfully, & putting in equal effort, to other people.

Your use of "broken down" betrays your mindset. It's 2022 - humans don't need to be shackled to one another in order to be viewed as "proper" in some undefined but socially demanded way. Not in europe & much of the other parts of the world, anyway.

And of course MN is full of people who've been in relationships that are now over. Nearly 50% of UK marriages end in divorce.

Your poor DS. If anyone spoke to my child that way, especially when he was breaking the ice, I would have left with him.

Imagine if your DS's other parent met someone who treated him this way.

You & DS deserve better. Fair enough hear what she has to say but I imagine her tantrums trump all logic when she doesn't get her own way.

Hi truth hurts I’m afraid. I’m only stating facts. But I do take your point. It was meant light heartily but obviously insensitive.

Unfortunately this issue has arisen because it is part of a blended family. And I doubt this would have been an incident or even happened if not.

all my cousins are part of blended families and it effected them for the rest of their lives. There parents continued to get married multiple times and did get a bit beyond a joke sitting through the weddings.

i do not wish this man any ill will. Be he as we all need to look at ourselves and how he can A) improve ourselves b) pick better c) persevere in relationship unless there is abuse.

i still stand by first come first serve with the chair. Kids sit on the floor at school.

I definitely need to keep my mouth shut more and get off mums net asap!!!!!

@Hokeycokeyy

Hi truth hurts I’m afraid.

Who are you talking to?

It was meant light heartily

Light heartily isn’t even a word 😂

Hi truth hurts I’m afraid. I’m only stating facts. But I do take your point. It was meant light heartily but obviously insensitive.
In what galaxy was your pointed & smug comment "lighthearted"?
It was clearly constructed to judge & wound.

Unfortunately this issue has arisen because it is part of a blended family. And I doubt this would have been an incident or even happened if not.
That is a breathtakingly shocking statement.
You're not fooling anyone by trying to pretend that non-blended families never have rows, never experience abuse, & never divorce.
You're really showing your true, biased & ignorant colours here.

all my cousins are part of blended families and it effected them for the rest of their lives. There parents continued to get married multiple times and did get a bit beyond a joke sitting through the weddings.
OP isn't your cousin, or at least I sincerely hope not.
I have plenty of cousins too. Many of them from intact marriages. Several of those with still-married parents are irredeemably fucked up.
So - your point is ...?

i do not wish this man any ill will.
Why did you send that particularly pointed little jibe then?
I suppose him maybe being hurt by it is ok so long as your primary goals wasn't to hurt him - but to make yourself feel better about your own life?
If all you have to crow about is the fact that you've managed not to divorce yet, I can see why you might need advertise that fact at someone else's expense.

Be he as we all need to look at ourselves and how he can A) improve ourselves b) pick better c) persevere in relationship unless there is abuse.
Persevere in relationships unless there is abuse?
WTF?
People can leave relationships just because they've got the ick. Or because they hate the partner's choice in music. You're betraying a very ... aw, let's just say 'old-fashioned' mindset of what relationships are for.
Staying in an unhappy one isn't noble, it's not "best for the kids" & society no longer needs people - especially women - to put up & shut up because marriage is seen as a mechanism of social control as it was in days of yore.

i still stand by first come first serve with the chair. Kids sit on the floor at school.
I stand by the fact that the chair is a red herring, & OP was - funnily enough - also happy to stand, not sit. Still unsure why any PP are getting their pants in a bunch about the chairs.

I definitely need to keep my mouth shut more and get off mums net asap!!!!!
We all do daft things. No need to run away - a quick "sorry mate" to OP wouldn't go amiss though, I imagine.

Couldn't the children sit on the adults' laps?

@Hokeycokeyy

Another failed relationship for both of them.

You didn't mean this light heartedly though, did you? It was a snarky comment, a nasty little jibe.

Pretending otherwise is odd. It doesn't have to be a massive deal, most people are perfectly able to say "sorry I shouldn't have said that, it was a dick move" or similar when they've said something shitty unnecessarily.

Then listen and find out?

You can still break up if that's what you want but you've had your say, why can't she have hers?

Couldn't the children sit on the adults' laps?

But that would be reasonable, so OP's STBEx wouldn't get any melodrama, dominance display, or petulant pouting practice in, & that would be useless to her.

Wotcher btw @Nanny0gg, good to 'see' you.

With courtesy - I reckon she's had enough of a say.
She's already had a go at OP for not wanting to go round last(?) night, has announced she feels unloved, has been a vocal brat at the camping trip ... any further discourse is going to be futile for OP.

He doesn't need to get DARVO'd into JADE'ing while she rants on about how much more he ought to be doing for her & why it's her way or the highway. She's got form for always getting her own way, remember? And she was desperately unpleasant to a 6 year old. That doesn't need explaining - it needs walking away from before it escalates.

This.

You do not have to justify your decision to someone who would pick on a 6 year old.

Far better to say "we are done and I don't want you to contact me again".

She has shown you who she is repeatedly.

You need to step up and protect your child.

I called you out for sarcasm upthread @KettrickenSmiled . I think you too are being unnecessarily judgmental.

And all the stuff about gaslighting, abuse etc. I do not get all that from the OP. I think @Hokeycokeyy was countering some extreme views, which I agree can often be found on Mumsnet; that the slightest relationship issue shared leads to a chorus of Leave the Bastard.

I could not help thinking your method for the OP was a bit like the instructions my kids have for killing baddies in computer games! I take abuse seriously but there is more nuance here than you are allowing for.

And as for all of the others who piled on @Hokeycokeyy following your comments that seemed to declare open season, you are mean and cowardly!

@KettrickenSmiled 😁Good to 'see' you too!

I think @Hokeycokeyy was countering some extreme views, which I agree can often be found on Mumsnet; that the slightest relationship issue shared leads to a chorus of Leave the Bastard.

& I think hokeycokeyy was sticking the boot in with a snide Hyacincth Bucket-worthy dig at OP's marital status, while giving fuck-all support or advice to him.

Also that OP's dilemma is less about relationship issues & MUCH more about his STBEx being an absolute horror, using his 6 year old as a pawn in her pass-agg power plays, & he should deffo Leave The Bitch - so shall we leave it there, @dotdotdotdash & not let our differences of opinions totally derail an otherwise (I hope) helpful thread?

I don't know enough about the OP and the relationship to say that the problems are all down to the DP and her behaviour. Granted, her behaviour to the OP's 6 year old is grounds for ending it; but we have no idea how OP handles things. Perhaps he is emotionally unavailable and does not show affection or communicate enough. I don't know. But it might explain some of her behaviour...

What I would like to stress is that these matters aren't usually black and white, with one 'villain'.

You expect an adult to give up their seat for a 6yo and sit on the floor??

This red herring is what you took away from the entire thread?

It wasn't her seat.

You expect an adult to give up their seat for a 6yo and sit on the floor??

OP is an adult who did give up his seat for his partner's child.

His partner is an adult who didn't bring a seat.

HTH.