To think my partner acted like an absolute child!

[Shineshinecoast10]

Over the weeked me, DS, DP and her DD were at an event. I brought 2 camp chairs and thought she would bring along hers. She didn't. So we had 2 between 4 of us. Anyway I didn't mind standing. Me and DS came back from the toilet and DP and her DD were sitting on the chairs. My DS sat on the floor. I politely asked DP if he could sit on the chair instead.
She got in the biggest strop. Involved her DD and told her DD to get out of the seat and they both went and sat on the floor. I said her DD was fine to sit in the seat and I didn't want her DD to move. They both wouldn't talk to us and she created a frosty atmosphere.
My DS who is 6 then went up to them both to show them something. She made a comment to him saying I thought you wanted to sit down, go on, go sit down. It was me who asked for him to sit down not him.

I jumped in here and said this comment was uncalled for and for her to stop it. I didn't get an apology for the childish behaviour.

If it were the other way around I would not have minded giving my seat up for her DD. Me and DP are adults and I don't think a fuss should be made.

AIBU to think she behaved like a bratty child?

Taking none would have been fine also. Taking only two chairs would have been like taking a picnic with only two sandwiches and nothing for the other members of the group.

This also makes her sound very insecure. Nothing wrong with having some time to yourself. Can I ask why you always make the effort going over?

I think you’re right to leave. She sounds selfish and borderline abusive.

Why are you the one that always has to go over? You both have kids?

But she didn’t ask her own child to leave the chair for OP did she?

The OP didn't want to sit down though. She didn't want her child on the floor getting "mucky".

It doesn't sound like a great relationship though.

probably get rid

i couldn’t be doing with the attitude

OP didn’t say she didn’t want to sit down. She just prioritised her child.

OP’s dp was rude to commandeer both chairs for herself and her child, especially when she didn’t even bringing any chairs!

The partner possibly didn’t think about taking chairs/didn’t realise there wouldn’t be any there. There can be all sorts of events where you don’t realise exactly what the set up is like if you haven’t been before. Taking two chairs can potentially be seen as “I have given this some thought and I’ve sorted out myself and my own child, but I haven’t gone to any effort for you.” They’re in a relationship and they’ve gone together; they’re not strangers with no connection to each other. If the partner had, say, brought snacks for herself and her DD, it would have been pretty off if she hadn’t brought enough for OP and his son, or if she’d hadn’t shared what they had. That said, she shouldn’t have taken out her irritation on a child and should’ve just raised with the OP that she wished that he’d told her that she’d need to bring chairs.

My late DH was a provider and leader. I'm not talking about money.
If we were going somewhere like you went, he would make sure we had everything we'd need. All the chairs, bug spray, rain jackets, first aid kit, cooler with drinks, car full tank, tyres checked, etc. whatever was needed.

Hmm. I have fallen into that role by default in my marriage because my DH isn't very organised, whereas I am. Frankly, it can be a bit wearing - sometimes I would like to sit back and let him be the leader, but in the overall scheme of things, it's not worth getting annoyed about. However, there's no reason why the OP should accept that role - their DP should have brought their own chairs or checked what the OP would be bringing.

I didn't speak to her DD or ask for her to move. I didn't want to turf her DD out of a chair

I have more child free nights than her, so go over to hers.

This relationship isn’t going anywhere. It’s very unhealthy and your dp sounds very needy and controlling. You, and your child, deserve better. It’s time to part company.

Your DP sounds awful. Speaking to your child like was incredibly immature and totally unacceptable. I would dump anyone who spoke to my 6 year old like that. It tells you how she would treat him if you stay together

She was unkind to your six year old. What more do you need to tell you that you shouldn’t be in this relationship?

Reading your update, this is symptomatic of something a lot wider in your relationship. Things happen; partners do irritate each other - but you move on and try to deal with things with kindness and humour. If every small thing is a big drama and causes endless angst, it’s probably not a great relationship for the long term because it’s not going to be comfortable to “rub along” together.

End it. She was unkind to your 6 year old. She's a grown up, if she wanted chairs, she could have brought her own or discussed it with you. I don't think adults have a priority over sitting in chairs, they are just as capable of sitting on the ground. It's really not hard.

Or taking 2 chairs could be seen as "I only had 2 chairs so I brought what I could and we can all share/rotate"

I think it's wrong as an adult to think you have more of a right to something than a child.

She sounds needy and selfish. You deserve better.

In this case, I wouldn't be too happy with you and wouldn't see you again as you wouldn't care about being a leader or provider and didn't care about our well being

I can't believe that people actually come out with drivel like this. As an adult the DP is (or at least should be) perfectly capable of thinking about and taking the stuff she needs for the wellbeing of her and her daughter.

OP it sounds like you have made the right decision as from your updates it very much seems that your DP expects you to make most of the effort

This

She sounds immature, demanding and manipulative to boot. Saying she feels unloved because you didn’t go to hers after you’d discussed it and she said it was fine is extremely manipulative.

But that’s by the by after the way she spoke to your child. That would be the end for me.

Just out of interest are you male? I only ask because I wonder if she had some notion that the ‘girls’ sit on the chairs and the ‘boys’ on the floor?

´Sounds like too much hard work tbh.

She feels unloved JFC!

Oh it's you again. Thought this car crash of a relationship ended a few weeks ago but no, you're still letting your girlfriend bully your small child. When are you going to put your child first?

-Or taking 2 chairs could be seen as "I only had 2 chairs so I brought what I could and we can all share/rotate"

I disagree - I think if you take something for yourself, you have to be explicit about “we can all share”, otherwise it looks like “I’ve sorted myself out”.

We went to some open air theatre with friends. I’d been before and just sat on the grass, but saw a lot of people with camping chairs, so thought to take ours to this one. Yes - it’s my friends’ responsibility to sort out their own family. But it would’ve been a bit thoughtless not to send a quick text to say “we are taking the camping chairs - bring yours”, as it would be a bit odd to spend the evening essentially sitting at different levels.