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AIBU?

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Original poster

French (and German) children don’t throw food

114 replies

Summersummersun · 04/09/2022 19:24

I have heard of this book and think I need to read it.

Just got back from a foreign holiday where the majority of families were German.

All I saw around me were well behaved,
placid children. I lost count of the number of couples I saw on sun loungers at the pool whilst their (young) children played nearby, nicely, in the shallow pools. I also saw so many parents on their phones or reading, ignoring the children completely, whilst the children either sat and played at their feet, or just sat on the sun beds not really doing anything. Just…sitting. Quietly.

My children are not like this. They’re 6 and 3, and whilst the eldest is a decent swimmer he still needed a lot of interaction in the pool. And they would never just SIT THERE whilst DH and I ignored them. Ever. We were staying in a caravan and granted had limited stuff to entertain them there and then (mainly just stickers/books, no real toys) they rush around the house at home anyway and never sit and play with toys nicely (unless eldest is doing a Lego set).

I’ve never been so conscious of my inadequate parenting and children before, and we have been on plenty of Center Parcs/UK holidays. In fact one of the things I like about CP is the fact that you can relax with DC as there is always another one having a meltdown in the vicinity.

AIBU to think this? Are European children just better behaved?

OP posts:
thinkover · 04/09/2022 19:26

I haven’t heard of this book but will be downloading. My eldest is hard work and i always feel like my parenting is lacking!

dmask · 04/09/2022 19:27

Rubbish! I lived in various European countries for years and have found them all to be the same!

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/09/2022 19:29

Soft play in Canada and soft play in England are VERY different places.

Arewerelated · 04/09/2022 19:30

I loved american children most on my travels 😁 confident, chatty and incredibly polite. Any bad behaviour was swiftly stopped by parents and apologies given immediately by the offending child.
There was absolutely NO tepid 'no.. no... stop that tabitha... tabitha stop... now stop that....' british parenting to be seen there

Lunar270 · 04/09/2022 19:31

It's normal to think everyone else's kids are better behaved but it's just like hating English people on holiday. Always so bloody uncouth, noisy and annoying. Michael McIntyre did a great stand-up routine about this 😂

My kids were extremely well behaved, especially at the dinner table. But they went bonkers anywhere they were allowed to play or be kids.

Loics · 04/09/2022 19:32

Nope, I'm from a mainland European country and don't see any real difference between kids there and in the UK.

KnickerlessParsons · 04/09/2022 19:33

My children were well behaved (they're older now).
It takes effort, but we weren't mean to them or anything. They say we were good parents 😁

BeanCounterBabe · 04/09/2022 19:34

Just come back from two weeks in Italy band France. Mix of French, Italian, German, Irish, Dutch and Brits. Couldn’t really see that much difference between them really. Anecdotal I know but there wasn’t that much difference. French parents did seem more strict but French teens louder when parents out of earshot. German and Dutch little ones were fairly loud and parents very hands on and giving lots of attention.

ElvisLeftTheBuilding · 04/09/2022 19:34

Some children from France and Germany (and all other countries) will behave like yours, there isn't a national way children behave.
But I do think there is a difference in how a lot of children are raised in the UK. I lived in Scandinavian countries and I've lived in the UK. The UK parents I know interact with their children constantly, or supervise them constantly, or provide their children with other entertainment (ipads, TV, etc) so the children never get bored and learn to entertain themselves, they never need to use their imagination. If your child is always engaged with, supervised or entertained then that's what they will always need.

Caspianberg · 04/09/2022 19:34

Maybe to an extent.

we live in another European country. Children are expected more to just join adult stuff and there definitely isn’t full on childrens daily activities.

I don’t know anyone who goes to say playgroups or childrens music time or soft play.

Independence is encouraged, ie at nursery they just leave them to do what they want for indoor play, then they would have a structured 30 mins, snack, outdoor leave to do what they like, with teachers just overseeing or helping as needed.

CustardCreamsAndMintTea · 04/09/2022 19:35

I've read the book. I also lived 16 years in France and 4 years in Germany. I've had so many French and German children over for playdates and let me tell you they are entirely 'normal'.

Let me tell you some examples:
Birthday party for my 5 year old daughter with 8 French girls invited ended in fist fights over Princess costumes and children running all over my house hiding from their parents at pick up. Two kids got under my daughters bed and had to be dragged out by their mums, tearing the full set of bedding off the bed.

Little French girl shouting at my husband and I to shut up because we were chatting while she was watching Peppa pig.

French boys hiding toilet paper with poo on it in my sons room having taken it from the bathroom!

German boy weeing all over the bathroom (it can only have been him) and then shouting at my husband and I that our house is dirty and he doesn't like pee pee water!

British kids are not bad AT ALL.

itsgettingweird · 04/09/2022 19:36

My ds was born in Spain and we lived there for a few years.

They are far more laid back with children behaviour and baby them far longer.

Personality plays a huge part.

My ds would have just sat happily by me for hours. That's just who he was/is.

rainbowmilk · 04/09/2022 19:37

I don’t think the kids are different, but the parenting is. British parenting is too often absolutely insipid and based on asking kids if they want to stop misbehaving and then shrugging when inevitably they don’t want to. I’ve travelled extensively, lived and taught in the far East, and never seen anything like the parenting method that appears to be the thing in this country.

FarmerRefuted · 04/09/2022 19:37

Children are children the world over, they all have their good moments and not-so-good moments.

AntlerRose · 04/09/2022 19:38

Do you speak any other languages? I do pretty well in french and my dh speaks fluent german.

Sometimes understanding what is being said spoils the illusion a bit.

Rtmhwales · 04/09/2022 19:38

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/09/2022 19:29

Soft play in Canada and soft play in England are VERY different places.

@MrsTerryPratchett Can I ask how so? Only I'm literally sat at a soft play in Canada (losing the will to live) and curious how they differ.

DelilahBucket · 04/09/2022 19:41

I see far too much wishy washy parenting. Just yesterday we witnessed a boy about 8 throwing a house brick towards a glass door to a pub, not once, but he went and picked it up and did it again. The chef came out and played Hell. Dad "come here" in light wispy voice. Boy ran off. Dad tried again, like a little mouse. He even tried "you're not in trouble just come here" along with "you're only making things worse by not coming". Mum attempted to step in and was met with "I've got this, I'm handling it". When he eventually got his mitts on said child, the "story" was the brick fell off the wall 😂. My husband turned around and said exactly what had happened. Cue child having the biggest rolling round on the floor meltdown I have ever seen. This kid put toddler's to shame. He was literally dragged off on his knees by dad to apologise.
We were just sat there aghast. Never mind stern voice, there was no consequence, and to be honest, the story made up by the boy suggested that kind of behaviour was a regular occurrence and he was usually allowed to get away with it.
And that is what I see day in day out. You don't need to be shouting the odds at your kids, but dear God get a grip and learn a stern voice and how to carry out appropriate consequences for behaviour. I've managed to raise a polite, caring, boy who wouldn't even dream of throwing bricks at a glass door. Why can't everyone else?!

JorisBonson · 04/09/2022 19:41

I was on the bullet train in Japan, where there were Japanese children with their families as well as British and American children. I've genuinely never seen a child look horrified until I see the Japanese children watch the other children's behaviour. They sat so nicely reading, drawing, chatting to their families while the other kids ran riot around the carriage.

Anna783426 · 04/09/2022 19:43

I read this book on holiday in France with my toddler and I found it pretty ridiculous tbh. French babies apparently sleep through the night by three months, always have a three course sit down meal and put themselves to bed aged two...

The behaviour I saw was pretty similar to England, only thing I picked up on was French parents being slightly more laissez-faire and less helicopter ish. Goes both ways though, a French boy was causing havoc in the soft play on the ferry home whilst his parents were in the bar which was pretty annoying

TabithaTittlemouse · 04/09/2022 19:45

I was born in France and I think expectations on children’s behaviour is probably higher but also behaviour is modelled by the adults. We were taught to be small adults.

My children (who were born and raised in the uk) were well behaved on holiday or when out for a meal but at home could throw big tantrums.

3WildOnes · 04/09/2022 19:48

We have a couple of Danish kids at our primary school and the parents always say that British children are much better behaved.

I was feeling a bit embarrassed this summer when my pre schooler was throwing a bit of a strop about having to sit at the table and eat and stop playing with a little Italian girl. The I saw the little Italian girl claw at her mum's face as she took her away and I stopped feeling embarrassed.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/09/2022 19:50

It's a great book. I recommend it wholeheartedly...

Crikeyalmighty · 04/09/2022 19:50

Certainly in Denmark when we lived there I thought a lot of children seemed more controlled in behaviour in public, but in all fairness a lot of life was more 'ordered' - most families with both parents working, cheap childcare, good nurseries, parents working less hours, kids sitting down together at8am for breakfast at school. It did seem a different kind of parenting

ChagSameachDoreen · 04/09/2022 19:51

Nobody in England seems to want to discipline their children. It's always "don't do that" but no actually REMOVING a child from the situation and actually STOPPING them doing something. It drives me mad.

Fluffruff · 04/09/2022 19:51

I don’t know, we had a week long holiday in the Netherlands recently on a site with mainly Dutch, French and German families and I saw the usual range of bad behaviour.

the thing is everyone complains about British parents being so wish washy but then you get looks if you’re sharp with your children. Last week my son was being silly and running back and forth behind my husband reversing our car so he had to break sharply, I called him over three times which he ignored, lost my patience and grabbed him by the arm to get him by my side and yelled ‘stop being so bloody stupid.’ I got a lot of looks from people in the carpark and afterwards my husband said I was too heavy handed and embarrassed him. Can’t win!