Page 7 | AIBU to just let DD go to school with earrings in.

PinkChaires · 2022-09-04T08:29:52+00:00

School starts tomorrow and DD is saying that she will go to school her earrings in (not allowed). Now i dont agree that earrings shouldnt be allowed however they are the school rules. Ive said to her health and safety but she says that 1) my earrings are small and screw on- there is no chance of them falling off or getting caught on something. Tbh shes right- shes worn these earring from nursery right through primary school and there has never been an issue. 2) if its health and safety concerns why are the teachers wearing earrings. Shes right on this to- in events and parents evenings ive seen the teachers wear earrings/jewellery. Shes gotten phone calls home about this and got shouted at by the school but she says to me ' its a bit hard to take them seriously about the danger of earrings when they have like 5 earrings as well'. I cant get hett up about her wearing the earrings to school. Shes doing amazing in all other areas of school so far and this seems like a pointless rule AIBU?

Goldenbear · 04/09/2022 11:04

bellac11, I wasn't stating my personal opinion, the school stated that they felt the consequences an stress that came with the punishments for non compliance was having an affect on the mental health of many students, many of which had suffered during covid and they didn't want to add to it- personally I think they have a valid point.

Maireas · 04/09/2022 11:05

ShaneTwane · 04/09/2022 09:45

Teachers and students are not the same. Of course a teacher has different rules to students.

Yes. How odd that people don't realise that the students are at school, the teachers are at work.

mondaytosunday · 04/09/2022 11:05

Our school allows studs but they must be removed or taped for games.
It's a rule - she must abide by them or take the consequences, and you should back the school up.
Teachers don't have to wear uniforms either - it's a spurious argument to say 'if teachers can why can't I'.

ThanksItHasPockets · 04/09/2022 11:05

I have worked in and with a lot of schools, including some of the very notoriously strict ones, and I have only encountered one which completely banned all earrings. It is an unusual rule.

Nevertheless it is incredibly childish to suggest that teachers should have to follow every school rule applicable to children.

HideTheCroissants · 04/09/2022 11:05

If you don’t like the rules find a different school! My DD was never allowed to wear earrings at either her primary (not that her ears were pierced then) or at her secondary. She was allowed small studs from year 12 (Lower Sixth which has a different uniform policy).

Of course different rules apply to staff. We have a different dress policy, we are allowed to wear make up, we are adults, different rules apply.

I have seen the damage done to earlobes through earrings being caught and it is NOT pretty.

SeemsSoUnfair · 04/09/2022 11:06

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 09:45

Honestly if it were up to me the earrings would be out. However i think its good for her to learn the consequences of her actions and will be backing school if she gets in trouble

Can she not learn consequences at home from her parent who knows the uniform rules?

Schools are busy enough without parents abdicating their own responsibility to send them in in uniform. Would you rather the teachers and office staff spent time dealing with your and other lazy parents duties or actually educating your child?

Take them out, if she wont then have consequences at home.

SunnyD44 · 04/09/2022 11:06

Y10 is old enough to make one’s own mind up about such things and take the consequences.

I agree.

One of the most challenging things about working in a secondary school is the rebelling and trying to push the rules.

But learning that you have to follow rules in life and learning that their actions have consequences makes them into decent adults.

You have given her your opinion and so now leave it up to her.

They may overlook it as some attention seeking behaviour is better to be ignored, or she may get detentions or be put in isolation.

When I was a teen I was put in isolation until I chose to remove them - after a couple of hours I was missing my friends so I chose to take them out.

HideTheCroissants · 04/09/2022 11:09

HideTheCroissants · 04/09/2022 11:05

If you don’t like the rules find a different school! My DD was never allowed to wear earrings at either her primary (not that her ears were pierced then) or at her secondary. She was allowed small studs from year 12 (Lower Sixth which has a different uniform policy).

Of course different rules apply to staff. We have a different dress policy, we are allowed to wear make up, we are adults, different rules apply.

I have seen the damage done to earlobes through earrings being caught and it is NOT pretty.

Apologies OP - I’ve now read all your posts and see that you are with the school on this one.

I agree that your DD is old enough to take the consequences of her own actions.

redbigbananafeet · 04/09/2022 11:09

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 09:41

I am inclined to just let her as she is going into y10 so she can just face the consequences of her actions. So far punishments have been to take it out and on one occasion get shouted at which she was not fazed by. She says most of the girls wear earring and just hide them. They are stud earrings and were given by deceased grandmother and are considered her 'lucky earrings' so thats why she wants to wear them so much

So you not think teachers have enough ton their plate? If these are precious earrings given by her dead grandmother can you imagine what'll happen when one gets lost in the playground?

redbigbananafeet · 04/09/2022 11:10

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 09:45

Honestly if it were up to me the earrings would be out. However i think its good for her to learn the consequences of her actions and will be backing school if she gets in trouble

It is up to you! You're the fucking adult!!!!!!!

stode · 04/09/2022 11:11

If they're her favourite, lucky, meaningful pair then it's downright stupid to wear them somewhere where she might have to remove them and where they could get lost.

However I guess really it's not about special memories, it's just her minor form of rebellion and being unique.

I wouldn't be a teacher for the fucking world.

redbigbananafeet · 04/09/2022 11:11

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 09:48

I also think the punishments at this school arent strong enough which is why they deal with this problem- i know that she definitely wouldnt get detention nor get them confiscated. At the worst it was a shouting - a mild one at that- and a phone call home. She was apparently wearing them for months (unknown to me) so she didnt lose them.

At least there are punishment and rules at home. You seem completely unable to discipline or control your own child.

OliveOyl321 · 04/09/2022 11:11

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 09:41

I am inclined to just let her as she is going into y10 so she can just face the consequences of her actions. So far punishments have been to take it out and on one occasion get shouted at which she was not fazed by. She says most of the girls wear earring and just hide them. They are stud earrings and were given by deceased grandmother and are considered her 'lucky earrings' so thats why she wants to wear them so much

Sorry OP but this is a ridiculous attitude to take. Adults and children alike have to follow rules, we may not always like them but they’re generally for our own good.
Her attitude towards the teachers asking her to remove the earrings is cheeky, and surely they have enough to be doing (like actually teaching the curriculum and helping students who genuinely need it) rather than wasting time on your daughter.
It’s a pathetic reason to give to say teachers wear them so kids should be allowed to. As a PP rightly said, the h&s aspect refers to PE and general horseplay which could results in the earring being pulled out.
Your daughter is being awkward just for the sake of it and will be known for being this way!

Snugglemonkey · 04/09/2022 11:12

It may well be a pointless rule, but it is indeed a rule. If you do not wish your child to be bound by that rule, she can go to other schools where earrings are permitted. They are not in this one, so she needs to follow the rules.

IrishMumInLondon2020 · 04/09/2022 11:12

Oh, you’re one of those parents…

Original poster

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 11:13

As far as im concerned, shes 15, old enough to face any consequences. I cannot step in every time she does anything wrong, she needs to learn to not do that and she will do that via consequences . Its going to cause as much disruption as forgetting her PE kit. Yes i agree her attitude is wrong but shes a teen- they are meant to push boundaries and i cant turn her attitude around in a day. I cannot expect her to have the same understanding as me, as i am a adult and she is a child and i will try to explain that to her. Her attitude is basically is 'if i could do it before, why not now?'

OP posts:

StressedOutMumBex · 04/09/2022 11:13

evilharpy · 04/09/2022 11:03

This is one particular rule that I really dislike. My daughter is nearly 8 and got her ears pierced around April time, when she was at a school that permitted studs. We have since relocated and her new school doesn't allow any earrings at all. They have been quite slow to heal (yes, we have looked after them properly and she has been very responsible with them) and putting them in and out every day is making them very sore. I think they would close up quite quickly if we left them out and she would be gutted as she absolutely loves them. The reason for banning them is supposedly "health and safety" but I really struggle to see how a small stud poses risk of injury.

We weren't aware of the no earrings rule until she actually started and they sent home the school handbook - although it wouldn't have been a valid reason to choose a different school. But it is very annoying.

Totally agree. Why are earrings such an issue for teachers anyway - they should just relax the rules to allow small studs. If they want the kids to remove them for sports fair enough but why ban studs entirely ? its clearly not required by health & safety if some schools allow and some don't. Earrings are not weapons of mass destruction FFS. My daughter does not have pierced ears but I think if kids do have pierced ears they should be allowed to keep their pierced ears open by wearing small studs at school. All those moaning about what teachers have to deal with should be asking for this rule to be adjusted if they want to make their life easier, not for everyone to comply with a blanket rule that goes too far.

SunnyD44 · 04/09/2022 11:13

My school allow one pair of small studs.

So of course the students come in with multiple earrings, hoops, nose studs etc.

It doesn’t matter what the school rules are. The rules are the rules
If they are broken, then it’s up to the child to suffer the consequences.

These students are children/ teens - we expect them to push the boundaries a bit.

What is very annoying (and frankly embarrassing) though - is when parents encourage their children to break the rules or act like staff should follow the same rules as the students.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/09/2022 11:14

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 09:41

I am inclined to just let her as she is going into y10 so she can just face the consequences of her actions. So far punishments have been to take it out and on one occasion get shouted at which she was not fazed by. She says most of the girls wear earring and just hide them. They are stud earrings and were given by deceased grandmother and are considered her 'lucky earrings' so thats why she wants to wear them so much

My dd is the same age. Your dd will be devastated if she is made to take them out and loses them or they are stolen. For this reason, I would advise her to keep them for weekends and give her something else to take. With her. A photo of her grandma in a zip pocket or purse. If she has a pic of her wearing them together with her grandma all the better.

My dd wears her Pandora bracelet and hides it in her blazer. That isn’t without risk. She knows if she loses it, we won’t replace it but we bought it and most of the charms and are very much alive right now.

minisoksmakehardwork · 04/09/2022 11:15

This seems a heavy approach so as I've not seen the answer already, how many piercings does your daughter have and where are they? Our schools ban nose and bell studs and request one pair of stud earrings only, to be removed for pe. Which I feel is reasonable.

Is this a state or private school?

bloodyplanes · 04/09/2022 11:16

I agree with you op! I wouldn't make her tKe them out! What are we teaching our kids if we teach them to blindly follow rules that make no sense?

redbigbananafeet · 04/09/2022 11:17

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 11:13

As far as im concerned, shes 15, old enough to face any consequences. I cannot step in every time she does anything wrong, she needs to learn to not do that and she will do that via consequences . Its going to cause as much disruption as forgetting her PE kit. Yes i agree her attitude is wrong but shes a teen- they are meant to push boundaries and i cant turn her attitude around in a day. I cannot expect her to have the same understanding as me, as i am a adult and she is a child and i will try to explain that to her. Her attitude is basically is 'if i could do it before, why not now?'

Ah so you're going to leave the parenting of your teenager to teachers? Because you can't be arsed to parent your own child?

Original poster

PinkChaires · 04/09/2022 11:17

minisoksmakehardwork · 04/09/2022 11:15

This seems a heavy approach so as I've not seen the answer already, how many piercings does your daughter have and where are they? Our schools ban nose and bell studs and request one pair of stud earrings only, to be removed for pe. Which I feel is reasonable.

Is this a state or private school?

She has one in each ear

OP posts:

Pegsmum · 04/09/2022 11:17

JennyForeigner · 04/09/2022 09:41

I'm going to tell you a secret. Some of these rules are just about having rules and learning to be with others.

One day your daughter might want a job in a restaurant. She will have to wear a hairnet. If she becomes a surgeon she will have to take off her rings.

The greatest favour you can do her is to teach her to play within the rules, no matter how stupid they seem to her, so she can progress and be happy without turning everything into an argument.

All of this.

scarletisjustred · 04/09/2022 11:18

My sons went to a co-ed secondary school where you could wear anything at all. One boy had a purple Mohawk as I recall. I think they might have drawn the line at Nazi regalia or indecent exposure although some of the girls' shorts were on the microscopic side. Boys were allowed beards. The school actually had very good exam results. I should say that most of these children came from comfortable to affluent homes although this was a state school.