To still live my best life even though I’m fat

[Whatyagonnadokatie]

Many mnetters hate fat people. They dress it up as concern for health. But I think it’s something deeper than that. Something about us letting ourselves lose self discipline or something. Some people even seem to think that we shouldn’t have nice clothes (let me tell you, no one purposely gains weight to wear some lovely plus size clothes).

reading some threads on here break my heart when women dread going to social events because they are fat.

aibu to say, fuck that, get on with your life and be happy even if you are fat. Wear the nice clothes, go to all the social events. And hey, eat the biscuit if you really want to

I absolutely think that everyone should enjoy life and have nice clothes etc, whatever their size. No one is worth less due to their size or shape.

But to introduce some balance, I admit that I am one of those people who find people’s attitudes to obesity frustrating. Many fat people are indeed ashamed of their size and trying to do something about it, but the attitude of ‘fuck it, pass the biscuits’ is causing our society the biggest threat to its health in centuries. I believe that it is a bigger threat to the NHS than Covid.

Whilst I don’t think anyone should be ‘fat shamed’ (hate that phrase), I also think that the messages we are sending young people are wrong and dangerous. We’re saying that it’s ok to eat bad food and too much of it. We’re saying that it’s ok to have no self-control over what we put in our bodies. We’re saying that being fat is just another difference, like having blue eyes or ginger hair.

I also hate the body shaming of slim people by fat people. And yes, it’s very real. I heard that old Beautiful Song ‘Perfect 10’ on the radio the other day and I wondered how the hell that is still allowed to be played. It’s awful - calling people who are a size 6 ‘anorexic chicks’.

Fat has become a ‘badge’ for not caring what people think and railing against cultural expectations of beauty, when it’s actually a much more complex and serious issue than that.

I am prepared to get flamed for these opinions but I think they’re valid and we need to stop being afraid to address these issues.

Unless you control budgets and allocate funds from a commissioning point of views to various tiers of treatment, then You wouldn’t be worried about it would you. You just do your job.

Well luckily for you that is exactly what I do 😁 On a regional level not just for a small community.

And yes to more doctors and clinics and HCPs generally, but more administrators?

Yep, more administrators. If we had more administrators in the services I commission (and fund) we wouldn't have the HCPs spending time doing the admin themselves instead and they could see more patients.

Bollocks.

because I'm fat so my biochemistry and pharmacology degree and endocrinology masters are obviously worthless)

your skin is very very very thin that’s for sure

You say " fuck it" but at the same time you are making a thread about being fat and living life....

Excellent, well that’s awesome.

And yet so little tier 3 funding for obesity.
Almost non-existent isn’t it? Why doesn’t this concern you?

Straight to tier 4 from community services in almost every instance, but then of course there’s very little funding in tier 4 either.

Many of these patients then rip over into diabetes services etc.

It is a big problem, as you well know.

If you say so.

And how would you know what most doctors do (p.s. I specialise in endocrinology just to level the playing field here).

You are aware of NICE guidelines yes?

So I see your bollocks with my own (looking right at you) - bullshit!

But I’m waiting for your learned repose, and I don’t care that you’re fat btw. I am Prepared to listen to facts, not hand wringing narrative.

Weight / dieting / nutrition is still a largely unknown science so all those harping on about healthy BMIs etc are talking through their arses.

Its really not unknown at all. Always more to learn as there is is any branch of science, but we absolutely know how to help people lose weight. And a healthy diet and calorie control is a big part of that.

Quite.

I am a coach at my local rowing club, we are not an elite club only focusing on high end athletes as we believe providing access to the sport to whoever 'fancies a go'. Several times a year we run learn to row courses and at least half the intake on each course are 30-40 something's who have by their own admission done very little exercise since school and subjected themselves to fairly crap diets before deciding to do something about their health. It is a 12 week course during which time we lose about 25% of people through drop outs. The ones who see it to the finish are visibly different people insofar as considerable weight loss and much improved cardiovascular fitness. Six months later they are almost unrecognisable from the person who strolled into the club on day one. Much reduced body fat %, improved muscle definition and positive feedback of more energy, better sleep and just a general sense of well being. We encourage each group to start a WhatsApp group to help organise things and provide emotional and motivational support. We have a sports nutritionist at the club who also provides a talks to these novice rowers to help them get their diets under control.

The constant factor in all this is regular exercise at least four times a week and a modest change in diet. I have not seen a single person at the end of the initial 12 week course who has put on weight or remained the same.

It is hardly an 'unknown' science yet these threads always have folk claiming otherwise

@LolaO same here! I'm currently a size 12 so curvy and slightly overweight (I'm short), a few years ago I was a size 18 after piling it on during pregnancy and breastfeeding. My mum's just luckily got a fast metabolism and is extremely slim and very judgemental about weight. She doesn't comment anymore but she used to be quite vicious. Apart from the odd walk she doesn't actually exercise and sits at a desk for work. I'm a ward sister and never sit down at work and exercise/ lift weights regularly. She has admitted and dislikes the fact I'm stronger and fitter than her despite being fat 🙃

Unknown science, millions of women with duff thyroids and yet so many posters on here freely admitting they eat too much a lot of the time.

I mean, it’s mystery 🤷🏼‍♀️🙄

Thing is, I don’t judge someone on their weight. Never have. Mine goes up and down (not by much) and 100% of the time, I can explain other with diet.

Bur don’t deflect responsibility for it.

Just be fat and happy, rather than fat and ‘it’s not my fault and everyone hates me’

The latter is so damn tiresome.

You see almost no obese people in regions of food shortages, none. So stop with the broadbrush ‘it must be my hormones’ because it’s not in most instances.

Just own it and embrace it, or not. But don’t deflect blame elsewhere.

Here we go again..

I can see you really do think you’re right, with all the spouting of health rhetoric and posting various obesity / NHS stats.

However, ‘diets’ with the intention of pure weight loss have been proven again and again to not work in the long term because the majority of people cannot sustain a prolonged calorie deficit approach - just as they can’t maintain a lifetime of no carbs, or keto, or any other restrictive way of eating.

The human body is designed to hang on to fat due to evolution (feast / famine) and not everyone has the same weight set-point as the next person.

There are so many factors at play with regards to weight - not ‘just’ eating too much.

A lot of the latest research in nutrition and diets has come to the conclusion that general health and weight is not just based on what and how much you eat and that it’s actually a lot more complicated and personal. Just take a moment to look into the work on the micro biome and epi-genetics.

Our metabolisms change as we age, they change due to our environment, due to stress, due to mental health and all manner of other factors. Not to mention your socio-economic status - this will play a huge part in your health, weight and lifestyle.

I’m utterly fed up of the ‘personal responsibility’ bullshit levelled at larger / fat people, which is generally done by people like you trying to act all matter of fact with your NHS stats and faux care.

This is inherent fat phobia - but you will clearly never accept that.

The human body is designed to hang on to fat due to evolution (feast / famine) and not everyone has the same weight set-point as the next person.

^This isn't the reason most diets fail tbh. It's because, in order to get overweight, you had to be substantially overeating in the first place, for a sustained period. You then 'under' eat to lose the weight.

Yay, you've hit target weight, diet's over! Then you go back to eating 'normally' again... Except your normal was always too much. And if you're lighter now, you burn even fewer calories just by existing than you did at your heavier weight, so it seems to pile back on faster.

You simply can't go back to the way of eating that got you fat in the first place if you want to keep the weight off.

A PP mentioned they were shocked at how few calories they actually 'need' a day. My poor DM only needs around 1000 due to her height, weight and age. If I don't work out I use around 1550.

The 2000 a day for women that's thrown about is a cruel myth to be frank, especially considering we overestimate calories burned in exercise and completely underestimate how many calories we eat.

You see almost no obese people in regions of food shortages, none.

You have to be kidding?

I think the poster means “genuine” food shortages

Not the current UK shortage where currently people may not be able to afford a family sized packet of crisps but rather Tesco value mini bags

No, I understood the poster, I just think its the worst take on this thread..

why are you overweight, you could just starve or severely limit your food intake like those third world people...

Or just pointing out the contradiction between the people who say they 'can't' lose weight due to x, y or z and the old analogy of you never see a fat person leave a concentration camp.

No one is suggesting people starve themselves, but these 'obstacles' (genes, slow metabolism, health problems) preventing people losing weight appear to miraculously disappear in extreme circumstances such as famine.

Those stats aren’t mine.
So unless any scientists and doctors and public health analysts, policy makers,
Health economists are all wrong - it is what it is.

Not tolerating made up science or bullshit excuses, does not make one fat phobic (and just to be clear, I’m not scared of fat).

And thanks for your scientific summary - I never knew this, although I may have read a paper or 100 in the last decade or two.

Weight loss is achievable, it’s weight maintenance that’s hard.

Whole different ball game really.

people on mumsnet feel fat at 9 stone. I imagine them all as tragic figures in a Jilly Cooper novel, hauling their ‘bulk’ around and crying into ryvita while their husband cheats on them with the horse trainer.

I used to be couple of stone overweight, lost it, now I have my shape changing post menopausal and hate it.
i live my best life and awaiting nurology appointment for the unknown, bit scary.
Fat for lots is hard, restricted physical stuff, it can’t be good if obese and unhealthy .
you can largely choose to over eat or not, and some meds make folk put on weight

And yet some people on Mumsnet remain willfully ignorant about the fact you can indeed be fat at 9 stone.

It mostly depends on your height but also where you carry the fat.

I'm post menopausal, bang on 9 stone and currently look about 4 months pregnant due to my belly fat.

I wish people wouldn't minimise, stereotype and pisstake those posters, but that's Mumsnet for you.

I'm on MN and under 9 stone. I'm as happy as a clam.
I was happy when I was OW too, but I'm happier now I don't have to deal with the inconveniences of being OW.
No one should assume OW people are unhappy, but neither should they peddle the myth that slim equals misery, neurosis and deprivation.

It is just as much about me and my reasons for gaining weight as it is about the (not very common) case of someone who lost weight and kept it off. As I said, a million differemt REASONS not excuses. When you talk about excuses, you're judging and contributing to the problem.

The fact is that 95% of weight loss diets don't work in the long term. If you go to your GP for help with any other condition, would you want a treatment with a 95% failure rate?

We live in an obesogenic environment. The question really is (given our genes and evolutionary history) why any of us remain slim! To tackle obesity, we need to tackle it at the social and environmental level. It cannot be dealt with at the individual level. We should stop pushing a treatment that is setting us up to fail. Only bariatric surgery has been shown to work for the majority of obese people because our bodies fight so hard to keep the weight on.

We should focus on what DOES work for health for individuals. Exercise for example. We know it doesn't help much with weight loss but we also it's just as important for good health. It's far better to support people to be more active, incorporate exercise in their daily lives sustainably and improve their health in a positive way than diets which will fail for 19 out of 20 people. Focus on small and sustainable changes in diets.

No. That’s not the comparison at all.
The point I’m making, as a poster has clarified, is that in cases of genuine food shortages, you see no overweight people.

So all these people saying I really don’t overeat and it’s my hormones, are in most instances, not being completely truthful with themselves.

I am in no way advocating that people adopt famine food intake to be thinner, just illustrating that if you weren’t eating ‘much at all’ your body would show it.

Only voted yabu because some will be very unhappy with their weight and their issues are much more complex than just their size but that's what they focus on. They can't just accept their size and be happily get on with life.

For those who can like yourself then I think its a given. Stick your fingers up at the world love who you are and be happy. On that note yanbu anyonr who questions your happiness needs kick up the arse.

I think it was obvious what you meant @Quincythequince but weight threads seem to bring out some very picky/willfully ignorant posters.