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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To trust a man who walked out in his wife

112 replies

flatflips · 03/09/2022 19:38

Of five years and his six month old daughter?
They fell out of love and were fighting continually.
He co parents relatively well with his exw.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 03/09/2022 19:39

Nope, throw him back and try again.

Ponoka7 · 03/09/2022 19:41

What was the break up like? People are allowed to leave relationships. What do you mean by her co-parents relatively well?

ArcticSkewer · 03/09/2022 19:41

Pay for therapy instead - cheaper in the long run

raindon · 03/09/2022 19:42

For a relationship? No. You can do better

PrepayMeter · 03/09/2022 19:42

It depends on what you mean by “walked out”.

If you mean the relationship ended, he moved out, he plays an active role in his daughter’s life and supports her financially, and there was no other woman involved at the time of the break-up, then no, I wouldn’t have an issue with it. These things happen.

If you mean he dumped them, doesn’t see or support his daughter, and/or was culpable in the breakdown of the relationship, then the opposite.

raindon · 03/09/2022 19:43

flatflips · 03/09/2022 19:38

Of five years and his six month old daughter?
They fell out of love and were fighting continually.
He co parents relatively well with his exw.

The first few months of a baby are tough on a relationship but unless there's abuse involved it's best to try and stick it out I think

BlueKaftan · 03/09/2022 19:43

Nope. He owed his baby daughter better than that.

Darkstar4855 · 03/09/2022 19:44

Hard to say from that limited post. People leave relationships for all sorts of reasons, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a bad person.

He could be a victim of abuse.

He could be a total arsehole.

Nobody here can tell you.

vegang · 03/09/2022 19:46

BlueKaftan · 03/09/2022 19:43

Nope. He owed his baby daughter better than that.

Better to co parent than be together arguing all the time in front of the baby though , surely?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 03/09/2022 19:46

PrepayMeter · 03/09/2022 19:42

It depends on what you mean by “walked out”.

If you mean the relationship ended, he moved out, he plays an active role in his daughter’s life and supports her financially, and there was no other woman involved at the time of the break-up, then no, I wouldn’t have an issue with it. These things happen.

If you mean he dumped them, doesn’t see or support his daughter, and/or was culpable in the breakdown of the relationship, then the opposite.

This.
Or would you trust a woman who left her husband and took their child when they were 6 months old. They co-parent effectively with their ex.

girlmom21 · 03/09/2022 19:47

Well it depends on whether he actually walked out or whether they separated, what he's like as a father, how he speaks about his ex...

reelcat · 03/09/2022 19:48

No

Original poster
flatflips · 03/09/2022 19:49

They could not get on. There were no other s involved.
Constant fighting. No abuse.They fell out of love.

OP posts:
Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 03/09/2022 19:49

How long ago @flatflips ?

Fairyliz · 03/09/2022 19:50

Sounds like the sort of man who walks when things get difficult.
Hopefully you are not intending to have children with him?

Original poster
flatflips · 03/09/2022 19:51

Three years ago he left their family home and the marriage.
He sees his daughter every weekend but Mum is unhappy with the arrangement but won't agree to eow and midweek nights

OP posts:
saltofcelery · 03/09/2022 19:51

flatflips · 03/09/2022 19:49

They could not get on. There were no other s involved.
Constant fighting. No abuse.They fell out of love.

That's pretty common with a new baby, depending on a variety of factors (communication, sleep, work). I'd not get involved with him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2022 19:51

Are you saying he should have stayed even though they were both unhappy and fighting lots? Why would that have been better for either of them or their child? How long should they have stayed together?

And you don’t think he should have the chance of another relationship because the one with his ex didn’t work out? Does that apply to his ex as well?

Original poster
flatflips · 03/09/2022 19:53

His exw is in a relationship and has been approximately 6 months after he left.
Her partner lives with his daughter and exw

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2022 19:55

Right. So she’s moved on but he should carry the stigma of a failed relationship forever.

Let him find someone less judgemental.

Sunnyqueen · 03/09/2022 19:56

I don't see the issue and wouldn't really class it as him walking out on them if it was a mutual decision to split.

Shellsbelles · 03/09/2022 19:57

YABU. Takes 2 to argue and in tough times, he'll walk. Even if it means leaving his wife to bring up a 6 month old alone. Weekends are no substitute for an active parent who's there every day and night.

Original poster
flatflips · 03/09/2022 19:57

It wasn't a mutual decision.
She was devastated.

OP posts:
inmyslippers · 03/09/2022 19:58

Better to co parent than be together arguing all the time in front of the baby though , surely?

^^indeed

Entjfigbr · 03/09/2022 19:58

Ooh it’s a hell no from me