To trust a man who walked out in his wife

[flatflips]

Of five years and his six month old daughter?
They fell out of love and were fighting continually.
He co parents relatively well with his exw.

It depends. Some people invite chaos and baggage in their lives with open arms. I on the other hand run full tilt away from it. So it depends on the kind of person you are.

He pays maintenance and supports his daughter very well financially.
His exw is playing silly beggars with access.
For example, if his daughter is due to go his house but it's a special occasion at her Mum's, she will say that daughter is too unwell to go with little notice ( regular occurrence) but if something
Comes up on his weekend where his daughter is due to be with her Mum , Mum has often rang to ask him
To take her overnight eg a party/ wedding etc. it's always last minute also which is frustrating and upsets the schedule.
From what I can see, Mum sees Dad as a glorified babysitter .
I believe that he is going back to court to sort it out .

Well if you stay with a man who did that, don't complain if he does that to you.

Comes up on his weekend where his daughter is due to be with her Mum , Mum has often rang to ask him
To take her overnight eg a party/ wedding etc.

But you said he has her every weekend?

The order originally stated every weekend but they have been discussing change as mum hasn't been happy with either arrangement.
From what I can see, Mum would like to have daughter to stay overnight when she needs a babysittter regardless of schedule.
This is why he is going back to court as there seems to be many excuses to change plans last minute.

I knew a couple (not married) who 'loved each other so much' when they were apart, he worked away, but days after he would come home they fought like cat and dog. She got pregnant, they had the baby but eventually they split up. He left her, not for anyone else, but she was devastated. He tried every means possible to stay present in his daughters life, but EVERY little thing he did or tried to do, she challenged, she got social workers and solicitors involved, so much so he couldnt even take his daughter out on excursions for the day. His daughter is now a teenager and has got to know him, his siblings, cousins and his now wife and she loves them. She cant understand why she doesnt know them better, he hasnt told her about the games her mother played. He paid lots of money for his daughters upkeep. His ex is a bitter woman, but she was and is a nightmare. I'm a good friend of his sister and heard about her many lies and manipulations over the years.

Before you jump to excuse her behaviour she had cheated on her husband with other men, and when they split up, her husband was devastated. She brought up their 2 kids in the main while her exh paid maintenance. She had no issue with flaunting her subsequent flings in his face.

Absolutely not 😵‍💫

Is this someone you want to be in a relationship with? Do you want kids? Are you prepared for the ex to always be a figure in his life and potentially there be drama and hassle between the two of them? I am a step parent and it's been tough enough without the thought of court and access struggles.

Nope.

So he's a bolter? Doesn't try to talk, work things out, improve the situation , just goes.
Remember, it takes two people to argue, it's not all one sided, no matter what he tells you.

He is a prize among men.

Hard no

It's not how they split up for me, but the fact there's ongoing issues with contact that is needing to go back to court. I wouldn't consider that co-parenting well. This would be a deal-breaker if my own family wasn't complete, as I've only seen these situations escalate and ever-increasing drama.

You don't walk out when your kid is only 6 months old. Throw him back.

So they DON'T coparent relatively well

NEXT

You don’t walk out on your 6 month old baby and wife, leaving her “devastated”. Unless there’s something really extreme e.g. abuse then he owed his family better. Lots of new parents find the early days tough. He didn’t stick around long enough to try and work through it. So on that basis no, I wouldn’t touch him with somebody else’s barge pole.

I'm not surprised his ex wife is not happy about handing over her child every single weekend. I can't imagine many parents would be.

So he gets his daughter every weekend, when he's off work and has time to play and take her places, and the mum is just seeing the daughter during the week when she has to work- basically doing the donkey work, getting her up and dressed and off to nursery, then picking her up in the evening, feeding, bath and bed while he's the fun parent?

Entirely up to you,how do you really expect any of us to know about your partner.

Lots of people on here will tell you not to trust someone who's had a failed relationship, it may be worth listening to them, I suspect many may fall into that category.

Sometimes people get their lives in a mess, doesn't mean they don't deserve a second chance.

How is this good co-parenting??

Constant fighting. No abuse.They fell out of love.

The constant fighting is much worse than ending the relationship.

He did the right thing to leave as it was not a healthy environment to raise a child in.

Of course the ex would have been hurt when it happened but I bet she is glad now in hindsight, especially as she’s moved on too.

And this man doesn't want his plans or his workweek interrupted to take the daughter and convenience the mother?

He wants to jeep on playing fun dad while the ex-wife slogs away all week, and he doesn't make allowances for events happening in his ex's family?

This big take away from all this, OP, apart from the unfairness of having his daughter all weekend every weekend, is that your boyfriend is slagging off the mother of his child quite a lot.

Uuurgh I wouldn't. And I'd love to know her side.

My exh left me with two young kids, youngest was 8months. Apparently I was no fun and didn't pay him any attention and there was no love any more. This might have been because I was doing 100% of all the childcare and housework whilst he was out of the house working from 8am till gone 10/11pm.

Turns out he was shagging one of his waitresses whilst out at work too. Excuse me for not being 'fun' whilst doing everything 🤣.

Leaving someone when a baby is young is pretty shitty behaviour because it just is a really difficult time

I'd have a lot of reservations as usually men like this repeat the same mistake again once the same pressures applies, family life.

I personally wouldn't risk dating him.

Well we have two different versions of events now. Constant fighting and they fell out of love in one post. She was devastated and it was not mutual in another. Surely she didn’t want to stay in a relationship of constant fighting with a man she no longer loved?

I know there’s often a certain sadness when a marriage breaks down. Even in an unhappy marriage it signifies the end of hopes and dreams you once had as a couple and it can be very hard. But that’s the heart speaking. The head knows you have to move on from “constant fighting” and a loveless marriage”.

The flip side of this is that he cares about his daughter to have her each weekend, and subsequently never has any leisure time for
himself after working all week, while the ex-wife has a built in baby sitter and free time at weekends with her new partner. Sounds like the dad is trying to get involved in midweek parenting but the ex-wife won’t allow it.

Leaving an unhealthy relationship because it doesn’t work any more isn’t a hallmark of a bad person. What’s the alternative - stay and it turns toxic, abusive, or just an example to the child of how a relationship shouldn’t be as they grow older? Sometimes it’s harder to leave than stay. Plenty of people have failed marriages / relationships, learn from the fallout and go onto have happy ones after that.