To leave my son in his cot

[ChatterCot]

Sometimes in the afternoon I will put my son in his cot and close the curtains, put on some white noise and leave him. He often doesn't sleep but will instead just lie there playing with a teddy or quietly chatting to himself.

I use this time to have a brew or watch TV. Typically for around 40 mins - an hour before he stands up and starts whinging at which point I'll go and get him. Very occasionally he'll fall asleep and stay up there for longer but most of the time he just lies in his cot quietly.

A family member thinks this is mean if he's not actually asleep. Imo though if he's not crying then he's okay?

YABU - even if he's not crying, he shouldn't be left in his cot when not asleep.

YANBU - it's fine for you and he to have some downtime if he's not upset.

He's 18 months btw.

How old is he?

Ah I see, I do this too. Especially if he seems very tired. I figure if he's upset, doesn't want to be in his cot or wants comfort then he'll tell me by whinging

Health visitor advised me to do this when my son first stop dropping naps so long as happy. Gives them some rest without actual sleep.

I think that's fine! If he didn't want to be there he'd be making a significant fuss from the get-go. The downtime will do you both good - do what works for you!

If he’s happy I don’t see anything wrong with enforcing some quiet time.

Quiet time is important. I did this too when mine dropped their naps. They still went to their cot at the same time and I would tell them that I was having a rest too - which was true! For just half an hour / 40 mins. Sometimes I’d put on quiet music or an audio book.

I don't see anything wrong with that at all. He's happy your happy.

It’s quiet time that all kids need whether they sleep or not. I do the same, it prevents over-stimulation. My son doesn’t always take a nap but he’s happy in his cot playing with his books or singing/chatting to his teddies and just laying there quietly for around an hour before he wants to get up.

Sounds like a good idea! Gives you both a chance to unwind brain and body.

I don't like it and I wouldn't do it. Is it wrong that's up to you to decide but baby is safe. You don't need to justify your parenting, you do you.

We called it quiet time and then when they were older, flat rest. Really helpful for both of you, great idea

Quiet time is extremely important. All childcare experts know this, your family member is out of order.

Sounds fine to me.

I agree with your family member. Leaving your child in his cot in a dark room so you can have alone time is pretty selfish imo. Watch tv when he’s in bed! Have a cup of tea when he’s playing in the living room. There are other ways of having quiet time, that don’t include shutting him by himself. If he napped, it would be a different story. The days he falls asleep, it’s from boredom, nothing else, don’t kid yourself otherwise. Maybe find another way to unwind that don’t put your own desires above the needs of your child.

I think that's awful and I wouldn't do it - it's one thing if you need to rush to toilet/go outside and want him to be safe when you're gone but to have a cup of tea/watch TV, that's not okay. There's plenty of ways for babies to have quiet time - a walk for one or quiet time looking at books..
I would only leave children in cot like this if it was a nap time and sometimes it takes them a while to drift off..
No way could I just leave them and watch TV - at 18 months he's probably napping still - watch TV and have tea then

I don't do this everyday just when he seems to need it. He is in a better mood afterwards.

at 18 months he's probably napping still

I wish, he's dropped naps most days now! He still gets grumpy though which is when I do this.

Totally fine. They need quiet time.

Sounds beneficial to you both, children need quiet time

It’s the opposite of neglectful. Both of your needs are met this way.

Sounds like it works well for you both.

I do this to myself! I need time on my own - not a nap but I just lie on my bed read a book or scroll through Mumsnet or just stare into space. An hour max and then I emerge and can deal with everything and everyone again.
Time entertaining themselves is a GOOD thing, it's not selfish at all.

I think it's absolutely fine. He'll soon cut up rough if he's not happy.

We did this when DD1 was dropping her nap - put her up and see what happened. Sometimes she'd sleep, sometimes play quietly and sometimes go happily mad. Always seemed to do her good.

We used to do this, worked very well and prevented overtiredness in the evening so they went down better. It's not selfish or neglectful, it's a common sense tactic for children who don't nap any more.