To leave my son in his cot

[ChatterCot]

Sometimes in the afternoon I will put my son in his cot and close the curtains, put on some white noise and leave him. He often doesn't sleep but will instead just lie there playing with a teddy or quietly chatting to himself.

I use this time to have a brew or watch TV. Typically for around 40 mins - an hour before he stands up and starts whinging at which point I'll go and get him. Very occasionally he'll fall asleep and stay up there for longer but most of the time he just lies in his cot quietly.

A family member thinks this is mean if he's not actually asleep. Imo though if he's not crying then he's okay?

YABU - even if he's not crying, he shouldn't be left in his cot when not asleep.

YANBU - it's fine for you and he to have some downtime if he's not upset.

I don’t think it is serious life threatening neglect, but I don’t think it is healthy or positive for the child at all. How would you feel if a nanny you had hired took an long break like this? Is it really child care to stuff an awake and alert child in a dark room, in a wooden cage they cannot get out of and walk away to watch TV and sip tea? Sorry no, not something I can condone or praise.

You're being ridiculous and actually quite offensive to people who did suffer from genuine neglect as children.

Letting your child rest and recharge in a safe, quiet space is the opposite of neglect. OP also comes running as soon as her child fusses or cries.

And if a nanny or babysitter did this - I'd say bloody good for them. Caring for children all day is hard work and both adults and child need a break to rest and recharge.

"Wooden cage" 🤣

I'm convinced that poster is a parody account from their posts elsewhere too.

My dd wouldn’t have been ok to lay quietly but napped until about 3 years old. I don’t think it’s neglectful. I think it’s giving the brain and body time to regenerate. If as suggested, you put your ds in his playpen, he would probably get too much stimulation and be overtired in the evening.

@Discovereads Does it make a difference as to why a person would leave their child in a cot whilst awake? Mine was to provide dd with breast milk as I didn’t have gallons of the stuff. Once dd got to about 5 months, I wasn’t coping and made a plan to have better sleep so got up at 6am to express milk then went for a quick dog walk and a second express. I then had enough milk to feed dd at about 11.30pm to get her through the night. I would then go to her at 7am and breastfeed. Dd woke up between 6.30 and 7am so was awake and happy. As she got older, she would sing and chatter to herself. She was in the bedroom with us until 1 year old so dh was around and in bed actually. I don’t see this as neglecting my dd. I was meeting my need for sleep, to have a calm dog and dd’s feeding needs.

I think you are being flippant by applauding what is clearly not a good or healthy practice. I’m not being offensive to victims of neglect by pointing out this isn’t good.

Im not going to agree with the OP putting her 18mo in a dark room, with white noise for 40mins to an hour because he’s “grumpy”. It’s clearly creating a mood-punishment cycle, as he already knows he has to be in a “better mood” afterwards. It’s not about independent play at all.

This also isn’t the only way to have a rest or a break when both awake. You can be together and do things independently.

I just can’t support it. You can call me ridiculous all you want. It’s not a good habit to have.

Good grief. What a knob head you are. The language you use is inflammatory and quite frankly you’re inventing a narrative to stir up a negative emotional response to support your own argument.

The child is playing HAPPILY in their cot so obviously not distressed. The OP REMOVES the child from the cot when the child indicates they are ready to be removed. A 40 minute rest in the afternoons for both mum and child does not equate to neglect.

Mine dropped naps at 18 months and I did this as well. Sometimes she would drop off,sometimes not. I tried everything to get her to nap, staying in there just stimulated her so I'd leave her about as long as you do then go and get her if not asleep. I wouldn't have done this if I'd still had a napper but it was essential for my sanity. The days are long and tough when they stop napping that young and its totally understandable IMO that you need a break. I've been advised and encouraged to do this by the health visitor and numerous baby friends.

@Mummyoflittledragon
Your situation is entirely different. Your child was still sleeping her night time sleep in the bedroom with her Dad there when you went for a dog walk. She wasn’t being ferried off in the middle of the afternoon while wide awake and shut up alone in a dark room with white noise for being “grumpy” for the better part of an hour- sometimes longer.

I never did this, and wouldn’t leave a child like that for ages, no. It’s lazy parenting. You can have them playing with you downstairs while you make a cup of tea!

At that age he should still be napping, so you put him down for naps, not random time so you get a break as well! I put my DS down in his Moses basket or cot whenever he was due a nap or took him for a walk in the park to sleep, but if he was awake I was talking to him, playing, reading, out at a baby group or had him in the high chair talking to him while I cooked or washed up.

I can’t believe what I read on here sometimes.

Surely you left an 18 month old in a cot for longer than five minutes very frequently if that's where he slept?! Not sure why it's suddenly dangerous if it's during the day.

I agree with you @Discovereads

And for all those of you praising “quiet time” for children - that’s meant to be for overstimulated 10 year olds who are always at school or extra curricular activities, FFS - not 18 month old babies who need interaction when awake for vital bonding, socialisation and speech and language development!

Have another read, the word HAPPY or HAPPILY is not written by the OP once.
What were you saying about “inventing a narrative”?

I’m glad I’m not the only one seeing what’s wrong with this.

I am completely anti-controlled crying etc, but I can’t see anything wrong with him lying in his cot having a bit of quiet time if he’s happy to do it.

I’d re-think the white noise though, and try an audiobook of music instead - there’s some research to suggest white noise isn’t great for their developing brains.

And nobody is saying they don't need those things.

But no child or baby needs constant interaction when they're awake. 40 minutes of quiet solo play doesn't mean they're never being socialised or talked to!

I'm not 'constantly interacting' with anyone for 12-14 solid hours a day thanks.

Can’t do much play in a dark room with white noise going on. This isn’t about solo play. If it were, OP would be putting him in a play pen and letting him play solo while she did something independently in the same room.

My children's nursery in the day always had a time like this aft

YANBU

It sounds completely reasonable

You are both having down time!

If he was crying/screaming his head off & you carried on doing your thing, then I'd been thinking that's not right

Totally fine. I have 2 DD - the first dropped her nap early but I still did this quiet time, and the 2nd is still napping after some play in her cot each day she’s not at nursery!! Don’t feel bad, you know what’s best for your child. They’ll let you know if they’re not happy

Just to add, I think a bit of down time (for both of you) is completely reasonable

Is there anyone out there who stimulates their child the entire time they are awake?

If he's happy in his cot chatting to himself/resting, I would say crack on!

Absolutely. Did this with both mine when they were younger, mainly in the hope they would nap as a bonus but if they didn't, they would soon let me know when they wanted out after singing away and babbling to themselves for 30 minutes or so.

Not sure why anyone would think this isn't okay

Can’t do much play in a dark room with white noise going on. This isn’t about solo play. If it were, OP would be putting him in a play pen and letting him play solo while she did something independently in the same room.

But then he'd be distracted by whatever mum was doing and likely wouldn't settle. OP says he plays with his teddy, chats to himself or dozes off - he wouldn't do that if mum was around watching TV or getting housework done.

Nothing wrong with toddlers being left to relax quietly - OP goes in when he shows signs he's had enough or his distressed - she doesn't leave him to scream!

When will she regret it? When she has a well adjusted child who can quietly entertain themselves for a while instead of hanging on her leg all day crying? I doubt she’ll regret it 🙄