To leave my son in his cot

[ChatterCot]

Sometimes in the afternoon I will put my son in his cot and close the curtains, put on some white noise and leave him. He often doesn't sleep but will instead just lie there playing with a teddy or quietly chatting to himself.

I use this time to have a brew or watch TV. Typically for around 40 mins - an hour before he stands up and starts whinging at which point I'll go and get him. Very occasionally he'll fall asleep and stay up there for longer but most of the time he just lies in his cot quietly.

A family member thinks this is mean if he's not actually asleep. Imo though if he's not crying then he's okay?

YABU - even if he's not crying, he shouldn't be left in his cot when not asleep.

YANBU - it's fine for you and he to have some downtime if he's not upset.

I was told by health visitor, as well as family, that it was fine as long as he wasn't upset. DS dropped naps from around 2 yo but spent a few weeks enjoying down time in the cot. Then he started to cry after around 10 minutes so I stopped putting him down altogether. Sometimes lying down and resting can be as good as a nap. Bless him, he sounds like he enjoys it so enjoy your cuppas 😁

Sounds fine to me. If he was unhappy he would make it known!
It's important that little ones learn to be happy with their own company occasionally. Won't do him any harm.

I genuinely cannot remember how it was with my children…20 plus years are a a blur but my grandchild is very happy in her cot for at least 30 mins just chilling and relaxing!

Used to do with with dd1 when she dropped her sleep at about 3yo. She used to ask to go to her room for "quiet time".

I obviously don't put him in his cot to punish him for being grumpy as PP has suggested 😂 he gets grumpy when he needs to wind down for a bit, much like before he needed a nap when he had those every day.

I also don't do this just so I can have a brew. But yes I do dare to watch TV and have one whilst he's having his down time. If he was upstairs crying then obviously I wouldn't just leave him so I could have a cuppa.

The room isn't pitch black, it's day time for one so there is still light coming through and he also has a night light. It's not dark like when he goes to bed.

He's not neglected. He's the most spoilt kid ever, time wise, affection wise, anything wise.

And no, he's not just not crying because he's learnt I won't come to him.. I DO go to him when he starts to moan. I've never left him just crying.

My kids are 4 and 3 and we do this still. Not in a cot obviously, they just go in their beds or sometimes just in their room. We call it quiet time. Very rarely, the 4 year old will fall asleep. Around half the time, the 3 year old takes himself to bed and sleeps. Otherwise, they play with blocks, jigsaws, look at books, listen to audio books. Half an hour to an hour each day if we are at home. Does everybody the world of good to have a break.

I really, really wish I had done this with my DS (youngest of 2). He used to have epic tantrums once he'd dropped his afternoon nap and would be in a foul mood until bedtime but wouldn't sleep in the pram on a dog walk or on the sofa as he previously did. It was way, way worse at Christmas and birthdays when we had family visiting and fussing (everyone lives nearby so we'd do lots of each side of the family visiting/ having parties/ bringing presents etc) and I would be walking him about in the pram for him to calm down for about a year until we moved house and as soon as he was able to do so he'd take himself off to bed to chill, usually not napping but playing with a toy or just laying there. I'd always go up to him but he wanted to be left alone and once I realised what he needed I left him to it, and still do! I constantly have to tell well meaning family members when they visit that if he's taken himself off to LEAVE HIM! So many of them just don't get it but he needs to be left alone sometimes. If I'd realised and done what you're doing I could have saved my son and myself a lot of chaos!

Honestly op, pay no attention to the hysterical and ridiculous pp. They just look silly and remarkably unprofessional. I notice they have not yet answered my question asking to point out the 'red flags' in your op.

I have a similarly aged toddler (20 months) . Occasionally he actually asks to go in his cot, where he does the same as yours. Has a little lie down for 15/20 mins, chattering away to himself. I tend to potter around upstairs, tidying up etc until he calls me. The point is, he's happy, like yours. People calling it neglect should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

Selfish!?

Some people are deranged on here

I stand corrected.

However, my argument still remains. That is, a child in their cot blabbing away, playing with their teddies and not in a distressed state for 40 mins does not equate to neglect.

I used to do this when mine were little. They went to their rooms for quiet time. They could play with quiet toys, read a book or nap. Most of the time they would end up napping. Make the most of it. There is no problem so long as they have plenty of play and talking time with you the rest of the day.

I did this with my son, he dropped his nap but wasn’t ready to go without the sleep, so he would be quite groggy at what was his nap time. He wouldn’t be put down for a nap, but if you left him in his cot with a few toys he would either play for half an hour or so, or he would go to sleep after a couple of minutes of play.

As I was putting him in a wooden cell I made sure he was always dressed head to toe in orange.

I was clearly a neglectful parent and instead should have left him screaming his head off and crying in the livingroom due to being over tired, rather than meeting his needs.

Seems fine if he’s happy?? Obviously leaving him for that amount of time if he was crying and upset wouldn’t be very nice. When my daughter wakes up in the morning she will just lay there and quietly play with teddies and talk to herself. So if I’m still getting ready I finish up before going to get her.

At 18 months I moved mine to a bed as they could climb out of a cot. I can't imagine putting them in there awake. They would have been out!

I know I've replied once to this thread, but I feel like adding that I think your strategy can also aid in teaching your child to fill out his own time in a way that suits him, regulate his emotions and energy levels by taking breaks and focusing and concentrating by himself. He learns that he can spend some time to himself without it being the end of the world, and that he can always call out when he needs you, and you'll still be there. I think you're on to something good - so enjoy your tea.

I did this with my kids up til they were 4ish! As a single mum I often needed 40 mins to an hour to rest and I think it's valuable for children to learn how to be on their own entertaining themselves, so they'd be encouraged to have a lie down or quietly read or play with toys in their bed. They're now preteens and my daughter will often take herself up to bed now for "a little rest"!