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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Break up over text. Why do people do it?

59 replies

ellie09 · 03/09/2022 06:17

OK so me and my partner broke up yesterday.

Im not really that upset about it, only the fact it was done via text AGAIN

I had this happen to me before while at work and it happened again. I think I hate the fact a text comes through when you're in work and it takes you by surprise.

Anyhow, he says we can chat but I don't really know what there is to chat about?

AIBU to expect that in an actual relationship that you don't break up via text message and that the least you can do is do it face to face and offer an explanation?

It seems that any relationship I have had has ended this way and its not even as if I am that young either?! It just gives off teenage vibes to me and not someone in their 30s

OP posts:

TheFlyingFox · 03/09/2022 11:41

At least you're getting your stuff dropped off in person. I got the text breakup (a particularly short, abrupt text at that), followed a few days later to find my belongings dumped in my front garden, when he knew I'd be out at work (he didn't work...)

Found out he had been cheating on me and had a marriage lined up!

Its amazing how these men can have sex with you quite happily one day, not say a word and then break up with you the next.

I think they want women who run around after them, or at least pretend to.

SandyY2K · 03/09/2022 11:51

*@netflixandnaps

My ex dumped me over text every other week for 4 years! Literally killed me every time.

And you kept taking him back. Why?

He showed you who he was and you allowed him to treat you like this for 4 years ! That's on you, not him. People treat you how you let them.

Original poster

ellie09 · 03/09/2022 15:46

Thanks all I will update on how it goes

OP posts:

J0y · 03/09/2022 17:22

Good luck!
Serene face.

Think "I'm relieved I'm relieved I'm relieved"

I know, the break up that hurt me so much, he snagged me the day before. Could he not have faked a headache!!! I felt used as well as rejected

Original poster

ellie09 · 03/09/2022 18:25

J0y · 03/09/2022 17:22

Good luck!
Serene face.

Think "I'm relieved I'm relieved I'm relieved"

I know, the break up that hurt me so much, he snagged me the day before. Could he not have faked a headache!!! I felt used as well as rejected

Is it weird that the last couple of hours I'm starting to feel quite sad? Maybe its the thought of getting everything back that that's it essentially 'done'

Probably just a normal phase of breaking up but my self esteem at the moment is literally zero, so definitely need to not break composure later on!

OP posts:

Original poster

ellie09 · 04/09/2022 08:24

He came by last night and it actually went better than I thought.

He said because I was his first long term relationship (yes you're hearing this right - at 31 he's only had one other girlfriend that lasted 3 months) that he wasn't sure if the "comfortable" feeling is normal or not, but that he had just lost interest in me in a romantic sense. It seems he is more interested in locking himself in his spare room 24/7 playing games with his mate. And he can get on with that if he wants.

I wanted to have my side known to. So I told him that I agreed with splitting up and its the right thing to do. I said I felt that I wasn't emotionally fulfilled in the relationship (he has frequently said he has a numb feeling and has no emotion, so no anger, no happiness and he told me he could probably never love anyone and yes this should have been a red flag). I said I deserve someone who is going to love me and want me, especially after a year together.

We were actually friends for a few years before getting together and we have seen each other through some pretty hectic life events. He said he still sees me as one of his good friends and he hopes that even though the relationship is over, that it doesn't need to ruin the friendship we had before.

I told him that I could see us being friends again but to give me some space the next few weeks to process the end of the relationship and accept it and then I will contact him when I feel ready to reach out again. We have tickets to a comedy show at the end of October ( we are going with a group) and he says he would still like me to go, if I want.

I told him ill see how I feel once I digest everything and give him my answer.

OP posts:

LizaSimpson · 04/09/2022 08:27

It really depends on the situation. It's not mh preferred method of breaking up with someone but with my ex if I broke up with him, he'd come to my house, cry and beg etc and I was only 21 so I'd end up taking him back everytime.

This went on for months until I went abroad with my grandma and I broke up with him via text from the airport which gave me a week to work through my emotions so when he came to my house when I got home to propose I was able to say no.

netflixandnaps · 07/09/2022 12:20

@SandyY2K

Because I loved him and wanted him to love me too! Sadly he didn't and in the end I did have enough.

jalapenita · 07/09/2022 12:31

I personally prefer it. Gives you chance to reflect and make a dignified response with emotions whirling

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