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AIBU?

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Original poster

Considering saying no presents for son's birthday

112 replies

WobblyWellies · 01/09/2022 18:31

I know this has been talked about before on mumsnet but I'm still interested to know people's thoughts. My son will be having a birthday party for his 4th birthday next month. I've invited about 14 children. I would like to say to everyone, please don't worry about presents but I don't know how to say it. Ds will get gifts for us and other family members so he doesn't need anymore. I just don't want anyone to feel awkward or obliged to bring a present in this current economic climate when many people are feeling the pinch one way or another. My son is not going to know or care. I know that he'll just love having other children there to play and celebrate with.

So is it OK to say no presents?

OP posts:
Felixfriend · 01/09/2022 18:35

Yes, absolutely, do it!

Mommabear20 · 01/09/2022 18:38

We said this to our DC guests for their 1st and 2nd birthdays (joint party) and everyone except 1 still brought a present, but like you, we didn't feel that the children would notice or care, and would rather people brought presents because they wanted too and were financially able too, than because they felt pressured too.

We worded it that they already had so much stuff and with the cost of everything, we really did not expect any gifts for DC and all that was important was a fun day with their friends.

WorryMcGee · 01/09/2022 19:12

Ooh we want to do this too, following to see what the consensus is. We have such a tiny house for one thing, there’s nowhere to put anything as it is. Also I just don’t think kids need so much stuff…

balalake · 01/09/2022 19:13

Yes, perhaps suggest a donation to charity.

NerdleNoodle · 01/09/2022 19:15

Personally I'm thrilled when people say 'no presents'.

Wibbly1008 · 01/09/2022 19:18

You could do a price cap, saying on the invites “in difficult days like these gifts under £5 only Please”. Kids often love the thrill of helping to wrap and give a small gift, it’s part of the party fun.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 01/09/2022 19:20

Could you have an empty box ready and tell ds it would be nice if he was able to hand over a full box to the food bank for other dc? Ask the dm's to bring some nice treats to go on it. Not beans and pasta!

MumDadBingoBlueyy · 01/09/2022 19:21

No presents, but say if they would like to bring something a donation to the foodbank would be well received, you could then take DC to hand it over 😊

hattie43 · 01/09/2022 19:32

How about instead of a gift you suggest everyone puts an item in the charity food trolleys at the supermarket.

Anon50000 · 01/09/2022 19:37

Seems a bit mean to me.

Starlightstarbright1 · 01/09/2022 19:45

I keep seeing this but I like taking presents for children.

I find these are about mothers wants not the child.

FadedRed · 01/09/2022 19:50

Maybe your son would like to take a bag of supplies for his class at school? You could ask for pens/pencils/glue sticks and art supplies? To a maximum of £3 or 4.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/09/2022 19:50

Starlightstarbright1 · 01/09/2022 19:45

I keep seeing this but I like taking presents for children.

I find these are about mothers wants not the child.

I feel just the same.

I absolutely get your thinking - but he's 4. It's his birthday. Let him have his gifts, and put some away, donate older toys or whatever.

I always try to give small gifts for birthdays, to my nieces & nephews even tho my siblings only but for godchildren. I don't have a lot of spare cash but I like to remember their birthday.

In my DC case gifts they get for their birthday, often money / vouchers pay for their sports gear, anything more than basic clothes etc. it's brilliant to have.

TowerRavenSeven · 01/09/2022 19:52

Good luck. One party we were told no presents and we were the only one that Didn’t bring one. So next time it said no presents we brought one and hostess was pissed off. Honestly just leave it.

SnowdropsInSpring · 01/09/2022 19:56

YABU

His birthday, his presents.

mycatisannoying · 01/09/2022 20:01

Personally, I couldn't do this to my kids. It's part of the fun and it seems a bit joyless to take it away. I don't like it when parents ask for no presents too. I hate turning up empty handed to a kids' party.
I'm from Glasgow originally though, where people are generally very generous. Not taking a present would be utterly mystifying to most self-respecting Weegies.

MargaretThursday · 01/09/2022 20:50

Food for foodbank I would think of the mother trying to be terribly worthy rather than anything to do with their dc. Worse if they dress it up as the dc wanted it though, as if any 4yo says that!

I think most 4yos would be aware that people bring presents to parties, and yes they will care if they're expecting one. Heck, look at the fuss on Valentine's day/Mothering Sunday when the adults here don't get as big a present as they wanted.

Put something along the lines of "please don't feel you have to bring a present-he has plenty" If you want.

CroccyWoccy · 01/09/2022 21:00

I regularly donate to food banks and have organised collections with my DC but I would massively roll my eyes at someone asking for donations for the food bank in lieu of birthday presents. It looks so virtue signally!

UWhatNow · 01/09/2022 21:04

I applaud you. Wish more people were pragmatic (and less grabby) like this - he won’t know or remember. He’ll still have fun and a lovely time. Save peoples’ time, money and the world’s resources.

Original poster
WobblyWellies · 01/09/2022 21:07

Love the food bank ideas! We're actually having the party in the church hall at my dad's church and they run a community food pantry so that would work really well to give donations to that. Thank you everyone! Great idea 👍

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 01/09/2022 21:12

I think you are coming from a good place, and it will be a relief to any families really struggling for cash at the moment - it's a horrible thought that some kids may be unable to attend parties because parents can't afford the expense of a gift....

On the other hand I do feel a bit for your DS - my DD is not at all acquisitive now I am proud to say (proud of her I mean, not myself!), but at that age she was all about the presents - probably her favourite thing about having parties to be honest!

Could you phrase it as, given the current economic climate please don't feel obliged to bring a gift? Then a number of people almost certainly still will, but those who can't have a get out.

Personally I'd feel a bit bossed around if I was told "no gifts", or to donate instead. But I'd really welcome being told gifts were optional.

WorryMcGee · 01/09/2022 21:18

What would people think of bringing a toy to swap at a party? We thought we might do this…but we are first time parents and know absolutely nothing about children and how this would go down 😬

( OP I don’t want to hijack your thread so if it ends up that way please report this post so it can be deleted 😊 )

Anon50000 · 01/09/2022 21:23

I'd roll my eyes at the worthy food bank suggestion. I'd also be a bit pissed off at being told how to spend my money.

Meanderingpuppy · 01/09/2022 21:25

I just said no presents please on the invite for my son's up coming party, I hope no one minds. I was wondering about asking for donations to the local children's centre for his second birthday as it is a charity and he loves it.

Agree the food bank idea is good. I have also heard of people asking for donations of food for animal shelters if the child especially likes animals. You could even visit and see the animals when you drop off the food (if the shelter were OK with it), which is a nice experience in itself.

I don't think it is mean at all. If the child is already getting plenty of presents from close family ect. Good to help them to learn to be generous. No child needs 30 presents for their birthday.

Nanny0gg · 01/09/2022 21:27

It's not your birthday!

Most 4 year olds know there's presents and watching my DGC open theirs was lovely.
At that age they're thrilled with everything they get.

And it's nice when the young guests get involved with choosing the presents too

I'm fed up with people sucking the joy out of everything!

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