Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Considering saying no presents for son's birthday

112 replies

WobblyWellies · 01/09/2022 18:31

I know this has been talked about before on mumsnet but I'm still interested to know people's thoughts. My son will be having a birthday party for his 4th birthday next month. I've invited about 14 children. I would like to say to everyone, please don't worry about presents but I don't know how to say it. Ds will get gifts for us and other family members so he doesn't need anymore. I just don't want anyone to feel awkward or obliged to bring a present in this current economic climate when many people are feeling the pinch one way or another. My son is not going to know or care. I know that he'll just love having other children there to play and celebrate with.

So is it OK to say no presents?

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 01/09/2022 22:42

Anon50000 · 01/09/2022 22:00

Imagine an adult birthday party where all the guests turned up empty handed. The outrage about the rudeness would keep AIBU going for a week.

Not if at the request of the birthday person.

Kitkatcatflap · 01/09/2022 22:44

I think it's mean saying no presents on your son's behalf. It's his birthday, his party, not yours. Have you asked him if he doesn't want presents? He will not be expecting expensive presents, at four he will not be totting the cost of anything - his eyes will be out on stalks for a simple bag of Haribo. If anyone asks, just say something small.

My kids used to love getting ready for a party and part of that was choosing/making a card, wrapping a small present etc., Carrying it to the party and giving it to the birthday child.

This time is so fleeting - let him enjoy it

MsChatterbox · 01/09/2022 22:45

My 4 year old would be gutted. He's been to plenty of birthday parties this year and has taken a gift each time. Has your child done similar? I also wouldn't like to be told to only spend so much, I would end up having to search for ages for something that's good enough within budget.

itsCORN · 01/09/2022 22:46

this might be the most virtue signally thread I’ve seen on here

MissingNashville · 01/09/2022 22:47

Let your son have presents. Save the virtue signalling for your own birthday.

MissingNashville · 01/09/2022 22:48

itsCORN · 01/09/2022 22:46

this might be the most virtue signally thread I’ve seen on here

It’s certainly up there. But there’s been some other excellent ones on here. 😅

FunnysInLaJardin · 01/09/2022 22:50

Nah, he is 4, he will love gifts from other children. A donation to the food bank is way too worthy for a 4 yo.

just let him receive birthday gifts like every other 4 yo

lailamaria · 01/09/2022 23:05

op it does seem kind of unfair like another poster said it's his birthday not a church fundraiser plus when he goes to other birthdays and has to pick out a gift for his friend he'll probably wonder why he never got presents from his friends

Soproudoflionesses · 01/09/2022 23:06

Anon50000 · 01/09/2022 21:32

Birthdays mean presents when you are a child. I don't think people donating a bag of pasta on their behalf will bring them quite the same joy.

Yeah this would go down like a bucket of cold sick in my house!

ellieboolou · 01/09/2022 23:08

No it's strange to say no gifts (and presumptuous that they are expected.

Just let the kids give the presents, you can re gift or give to charity.

Food donation for food bank is a ridiculous idea!

winewolfhowls · 01/09/2022 23:17

Well I'm 40 and I love the mystery of present opening still. Let kids have fun! Around here after all class reception age parties, later birthdays tend to be a few friends doing an activity so it might just be the once.

endlesscraziness · 01/09/2022 23:22

My friend asks for donations for the local dog rescue and her son absolutely loves delivering the gifts to the rescue

WorryMcGee · 01/09/2022 23:30

endlesscraziness · 01/09/2022 23:22

My friend asks for donations for the local dog rescue and her son absolutely loves delivering the gifts to the rescue

Oh I love this! Thank you ❤️

jpclarke · 01/09/2022 23:33

In my kids school, the message is sent out to tell parents that the school promotes £5 in a card instead of loads of presents. So we just write it on the invite and the kid can go and buy one big gift from all their friends then.

abblie · 01/09/2022 23:36

I do it every year takes pressure of other parents x

Original poster
WobblyWellies · 01/09/2022 23:53

jpclarke · 01/09/2022 23:33

In my kids school, the message is sent out to tell parents that the school promotes £5 in a card instead of loads of presents. So we just write it on the invite and the kid can go and buy one big gift from all their friends then.

@jpclarke I get the point of it but it's unusual that the school gets involved in promoting birthday gift ideas. Is it a regular state school? I think if we did that in the school I work in, parents would not be happy.

OP posts:
JuniperBerries76 · 01/09/2022 23:59

My children love having their friends over for a birthday party and once the party is finished and the last guests have gone home, and my kids are feeling a little flat that their friends have left, we open the presents and the looks on their faces with the excitement and exclamations at what they’ve received, regardless of what it is, is, for me, what memories are made of. Your son is 4, not 1 or 2, and he will notice not having any presents. Please let him have this.

Original poster
WobblyWellies · 02/09/2022 00:02

To everyone who has said my son will notice, he really won't! That's just not his personality. He's far more interested in playing and socialising.

OP posts:
gnilliwdog · 02/09/2022 00:34

Your son is a bit younger, but we said no presents for a birthday this year. Surprisingly people turned up with interesting fossils, crystals, a funny poem, an interesting bird skull, and an improvised live duet of when I'm 64. Yes, quite bizarre, but nobody spent money and fun had by all. Don't know if it will work out so well with a 4 year old, but children are surprisingly flexible.

girlfriend44 · 02/09/2022 00:51

How about cards only

Dogscanteatonions · 02/09/2022 01:20

I think it's mean. They only have a few birthdays like this when loads of classmates come before they get too old for big parties. Guaranteed your son will have been to other kids parties and seen them getting lots of presents. It's his birthday for god sake, let him enjoy the day and have all the presents. You can always regift things or give them to charities collecting toys for Xmas if you really end up with too much.

I could not do this myself.

Dogscanteatonions · 02/09/2022 01:23

WobblyWellies · 02/09/2022 00:02

To everyone who has said my son will notice, he really won't! That's just not his personality. He's far more interested in playing and socialising.

But what if he actually does?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/09/2022 01:29

Blimey, he’s four! Let him have the presents for goodness sake.

Wetblanket78 · 02/09/2022 01:35

I used to just put a £5 in they're card was much easier. Maybe something like we want your presence not your preasent's.

Wetblanket78 · 02/09/2022 01:48

When I've been to parties the gifts are never the focus of the party. You put your card and gift if you've brought (I always gave money in the card it's easier) on a table. Not only does it prevent any embarrassing outbursts from the child but stops some parents feeling like shit. Because Jack's mum spent more than you.

There was someone posted on here a few months back. Saying her kids had been invited to a party and couldn't afford to buy a gift. If it had been wrote on the invite no to bring one it would have been a big relief for her as well as other mums in her situation. We live in such a consumerist society and we don't realise it until we have to start cutting back.