Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To not say hello to mum's friend when she visits

140 replies

pieami · 01/09/2022 14:55

I'm an adult currently living with my mum in order to save and buy a house. My mum's friend is currently downstairs and I've told my mum (respectfully) I won't say hi. I'm working from home and honestly could spare the time.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Stangerthings · 01/09/2022 19:41

If your mum says you are not home and then the friend hears you, you have put your mum in a very embarrassing position.

plantseverywhere · 01/09/2022 19:44

Fucking hell I’m in the wrong job if there’s jobs out there where you can have a shower, get into your pyjamas and post threads on the internet whilst doing a hair mask…

Brigante9 · 01/09/2022 19:54

You’re working, you shouldn’t be obliged to go and make small talk with someone.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 01/09/2022 19:55

Just go and say hello. Have a laugh about being in your pjs - better this than ignoring your mum's friend. I'm your mum's age, probably, and if I have friends round my dch always put their heads round the door and say hello. I am incredibly proud of my dch, and most of my friends have known my dch since they were little. Newer friends are happy to see them,after all, I talk about them!

katepilar · 01/09/2022 20:00

Bellaboo01 · 01/09/2022 19:04

I understand what you are saying but, i'm old school and any 'guest' in my house - i expect whoever lives in my house (husband/children) to come out of the room they are in to come and just say hi.
I find it very odd and rude if i'm in someones house and i end up staying later/chatting and one of their kids appears.
I'm not sure why, i think it was just what was expected of me.
If i have someone pop in or come round i would expect everyone that was living in the house to just say hi.

But why? Doesnt make any sense to me.

saraclara · 01/09/2022 20:05

LovePoppy · 01/09/2022 17:07

Would you expect a man to do this?

Show quote history

My friends' young adult kids are male. And they take the time to pop their heads round to say hello and offer a minute or so of chat with apparent pleasure.

So yep. Had I had sons I'd have brought them up to be pleasantly hospitable to visitors in the same way that I did my daughters.

saraclara · 01/09/2022 20:11

You're an adult OP, so is your mother and her visitors. The days of ''you must come and say hello to Auntie x y z or Flora from next door'' are over once you're past 16/17 in our house.

But if you've been brought up to be pleasantly hospitable when young, you won't need to be admitted to do this as an adult.

I wouldn't expect my own adult kids or my friends kids to jump up immediately, and of course not if they're working. But over a visit of a couple of hours, they'll surface at some point.

saraclara · 01/09/2022 20:11

Jeeze. Asked, not admitted.

CactusBlossom · 01/09/2022 20:39

pieami · 01/09/2022 15:03

This may seem superficial. But I had a shower during lunch and put on my pyjamas - would have to change. And my hair is looking very unkept as I have applied a rosemary oil mask. I would have to put in some time to groom myself which I just cannot be bothered to do.

I'm also just not in the mood for small talk.

...and this "working from home", what does it involve, exactly?

FFS, say hello at some point and say you can't stop because you are so busy doing your hair oops! working from home.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 01/09/2022 20:42

Christ alive! 🙄

Calphurnia88 · 01/09/2022 20:59

The way OP writes makes me think this is a reverse - either the mum or the mum's friend looking for confirmation that the daughter was rude.

I'm an adult currently living with my mum in order to save and buy a house.

This opening line reminds me of the 'I am a man who has recently bought a house in the local area' sketch from The Inbetweeners:

Carlycat · 01/09/2022 22:18

This must be a wind up
🤣

Bellaboo01 · 02/09/2022 09:40

katepilar · 01/09/2022 20:00

But why? Doesnt make any sense to me.

Show quote history

As i said - "i'm not sure why" but, just how i was raised and i suppose i have just carried that on. Manners and making someone feel welcome i suppose. I've never analysed it tbh. But, certainly if i was living in my Mum's house and she asked to come and say hello to one of her friends, i certainly would do it for her.

Bellaboo01 · 02/09/2022 09:45

Zonder · 01/09/2022 19:19

You are behaving like a spoiled teenager (although mine have much better manners).

Do you make your teens come down and say hello if your friend comes for a coffee? I don't. If they appear in the vicinity I expect them to say hello and be polite but I don't expect them to come down especially. It's my friend not theirs.

Likewise if they had a friend round and I was upstairs or somewhere I wouldn't make a point of coming to say hello but I would make conversation if I came down while they were still there.

Frankly I want time with my friend on my own!

TBH - i dont need to ask, anyone who comes into my house whether that is to pop round or to spend the evening, everyone living in the house would just poke their head in and say 'hi'. It isnt anything formal but, i class it as manners.

I even do it when my teenagers have their friends round - i just say hi and leave them to it.

Laiste · 02/09/2022 15:12

Bellaboo01 · 01/09/2022 19:14

Also - if you are an adult and living with your parents and they asked this of you, to just come down and say hi, maybe you should respect their wishes in their house?
It probably embarrassed your Mum to have to make excuses for you/her!

@Bellaboo01 I'm not usually at odds with the majority on MN and when i am it makes me think. Your post made me realise our specific situation is different from OPs at a basic level.

As i said we are 6 adults and one child - but we're two households. (with 3 separate living rooms). My mother came to live with us, we didn't come to live with her. So it's different maybe. I give her and her guests space and she does the same.

Anyway - the thread can die it's death now 😂

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6