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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not say hello to mum's friend when she visits

140 replies

pieami · 01/09/2022 14:55

I'm an adult currently living with my mum in order to save and buy a house. My mum's friend is currently downstairs and I've told my mum (respectfully) I won't say hi. I'm working from home and honestly could spare the time.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TrashyPanda · 01/09/2022 17:25

It’s basic politeness.

id be pissed off if my DD did that

skyeisthelimit · 01/09/2022 17:26

YANBU, you are working. If you were at the office you wouldn't be dashing home to see her friend.

If you were in calls and meetings all day you would not be able to pop down and say hello.

Too many people lose sight that working from home actually means working, and you don't have time to stop for a chat and a cup of tea.

She is there to visit your mum not you.

Maireas · 01/09/2022 17:32

skyeisthelimit · 01/09/2022 17:26

YANBU, you are working. If you were at the office you wouldn't be dashing home to see her friend.

If you were in calls and meetings all day you would not be able to pop down and say hello.

Too many people lose sight that working from home actually means working, and you don't have time to stop for a chat and a cup of tea.

She is there to visit your mum not you.

I would agree with you normally, but this work seems pretty relaxed with the hair pack and going on internet threads?

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 01/09/2022 17:32

And you thought you'd drip-feed the fact you're seeing a psychologist 6 posts in 🙄

LondonJax · 01/09/2022 17:45

skyeisthelimit · 01/09/2022 17:26

YANBU, you are working. If you were at the office you wouldn't be dashing home to see her friend.

If you were in calls and meetings all day you would not be able to pop down and say hello.

Too many people lose sight that working from home actually means working, and you don't have time to stop for a chat and a cup of tea.

She is there to visit your mum not you.

Which is fine until you read that the OP managed to have a shower at lunch time and pop a mask on her hair. What happens if she has an urgent zoom meeting? Plus she's on here asking for opinions when she should be 'actually working'.

And OP, if you've asked your mum not to mention your home, are you going to sit in silence just in case your mum's friend asks where you are and she has to actually lie? Why not just pop down, say 'hello - very busy at work (conditioning my hair) so can't stop'.

QuizzlyBears · 01/09/2022 17:46

You sound vaguely petulant and yes, rude. Just shout hi down the stairs and say you’re working but enjoy the coffee or similar, and be done with it. If you’re worried how people perceive you then I find it strange you’re deliberately doing something rude in refusing to say hello somehow. The friend will think it’s strange I’m sure.

NumberTheory · 01/09/2022 17:47

Assuming this isn’t a visit prearranged with you then since you’re not dressed for company YANBU. She came to visit your mum, not you. Not wanting to greet non-immediate family in your PJs or with stuff in your hair is a perfectly fine boundary to have and should be respected.

AlexandriasWindmill · 01/09/2022 17:48

Agadoodoododont · 01/09/2022 15:01

You are an adult, not a 13 year old ( who can be stroppy, don’t talk to me types)?
Grow up, grow some manners. The words you are looking for are “hi X how are you?” It’s quite easy.

Hmm, are you sure they're an adult? It is the summer holidays after all. Grin

lioncitygirl · 01/09/2022 17:49

Yeah sorry YABU. Also seems a little rude. You’re living in her house - she has a guest. Surely it’s just polite to say hello. 🫣

mamabear715 · 01/09/2022 17:52

What a non-post!???

picklemewalnuts · 01/09/2022 17:53

She's come to see your mum. You are working.

Sometimes there's a grey area, when it's a family friend for example.
Obviously if you need to pass through the area where they are, it would be rude to ignore them.

I had the excruciating situation when I was a teen of someone coming to see me, but DM assuming it was a family visit and monopolising them.

RobertsRadio · 01/09/2022 17:54

🥱

CornishTiger · 01/09/2022 17:55

The weird bit is telling your mother not to tell her you are home.

GabriellaMontez · 01/09/2022 17:56

Yes you're bad mannered.

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 01/09/2022 17:58

picklemewalnuts · 01/09/2022 17:53

She's come to see your mum. You are working.

Sometimes there's a grey area, when it's a family friend for example.
Obviously if you need to pass through the area where they are, it would be rude to ignore them.

I had the excruciating situation when I was a teen of someone coming to see me, but DM assuming it was a family visit and monopolising them.

Is working the same as Mumsnetting now?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/09/2022 18:05

@pieami - we had our adult ds3 living with us for over a year, working from home, and I wouldn’t have expected him to come downstairs specially to say hello to someone visiting me. If he happened to come downstairs, he’d say hello, and maybe have a quick chat - he wouldn’t ignore them - but I didn’t expect him to come down specially.

MsRosley · 01/09/2022 18:09

Grow up, OP. You're lodging in your mum's house, presumably at her cost. The least you can do is be polite and not embarrass her in front of her friend.

godmum56 · 01/09/2022 18:10

maddiemookins16mum · 01/09/2022 15:58

Drip…drip….drip

exactly

pictish · 01/09/2022 18:11

Well in the mood I am in atm, I wouldn’t have gone down to say hi either. Why? Because I wouldn’t bloody want to. Now is not the moment for polite small talk with someone who is really nothing to do with me.
Another time, sure!

We should be allowed to say no ffs.

gogohmm · 01/09/2022 18:12

I personally think it's rude not to say hello, but in a quick "hi, sorry I can't sit and chat because I'm working from home" sort of way, 30 seconds that's all. I get what you said about clothing but then yabu wearing pj's in the daytime ... I've literally never done this, not in the 18 months I worked from home either.

savethebeesandthecees · 01/09/2022 18:12

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 01/09/2022 15:00

Then what’s the issue exactly?
Are you worried she’ll ask you if you’re all set for school?

Very good

Sux2buthen · 01/09/2022 18:23

This is so weird. If I was the visitor I'd find it bizarre if my mates kid appeared to apologise for not being available to chat.
If you're at home you shouldn't feel obliged to be social if you don't want to.

BobbysGirly · 01/09/2022 18:26

Did your mum specifically ask you to say a quick hello to her friend? Would it mean a lot to your mum? Or not?

Im sure mums friend wouldn’t care a jot if you are in pj’s/face mask/ pimple cream/ in the middle of a wax n tint.

I’m not sure why you have posted on MN when you are, obviously, so very busy. Too busy to pop your head around the door and take 30 seconds to say, “Hi mums friend. Lovely to see you. Id love to stop and chat but I have to get back to it … I’m a busy girl. If I’m not finished before you leave have a lovely evening. Got to dash. Hope to catch up with you soon”.

It depends if it would make a difference to your mum whether you took time to acknowledge her friend, or not, tbh

SquirrelFan · 01/09/2022 18:31

Of course there's no obligation for you to say hello. Your mum should tell her friend "OP's home but she's working upstairs."
In this era of people working from home, nothing at all would get done if we all had to pop down for a quick hello every time a friend of a family member came by!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/09/2022 18:35

YABU. Just a little Hi won't hurt you, will it. Don't be rude just because you can be. No one finds in clever funny or impressive.

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